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Critiques and Writer's Discussion
For more in-depth critiques of stories and story writing discussion.
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By liddlekitkat · Posted
She smiles and waved good night. She stayed mostly quiet for 10 minutes so he could fall asleep. She watched the clock thinking how she could go about telling him the truth. Not having to make decision or work was nice but She knew she couldn't get back home that way and she wanted to go out party, drink, travel. but more importantly going to school again would be horrible kids are mean, and stupid she felt. she finally turned on the tv and cut it to a low volume. She turned on cartoon network to catch the Adult Swim shows like Rick and Morty, American Dad, Bobs Burgers. She also took her phone back out and played a few games. She stayed up later than she should it felt freeing to just be up without Larry's hovering. She doesn't feel the need but decides as the clock strikes 12:30 to head to the bathroom. and to just stay there till something happens. I have to stay dry. Its the only way he'll believe me. She heads to the bathroom and pulls down the pull up and shakes her head I'm wearing a pull up like a child. what is wrong with me. she sits for nearly 15minutes before she hears the trinkling noise shes hoping for. She then felt the need to poop and was able to get that out with ease. Satisfied she wipes and pulls up the pull up and goes to wash her hands. She heads to bed. she cuts the tv off and plays a few games on her phone as she feels her eyes getting heavy she yawns and cuts the phone off and tosses it in her bag again. and tucks the bag next to her on the bed. and drifts off to sleep around 1:30. She sleeps peacefully through but jarred awake by Larry awakening her. She's too tired but the first thing she does is checks her pull up and smirks because she finds it dry. -
This was recommended to me by a friend in Second Life and I binged it on breaks here and there at work and such. And OH WOW did reading this mess me up. You did great with it, but this has killed my headspace. (... with a kn... no, it's too dark. I never do dark jokes, this messed me up) Excellent work, I will be reading more of your stories. But maybe after a bit of time so that I can get more of my stories written in a cheerful and not at all dark way. -
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By littlebopeeper · Posted
Terrific chapter. The household is beginning to take shape, and Vickie's past is now catching up with her. Ian is in bed with the Mafia, and it's implied that the end of this story will be very bloody. Thank you for sharing such a complex story with us, and keep it coming! -
By littlebopeeper · Posted
Didn't she get turned down when she applied for a business license from the state? Then go ahead and begin operating without a license?
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