Incomplete Dude

There's already a munch in Toronto if you're interested in that. Just google "Toronto abdl munch", you'll find it.

There's lots of ABDLs in the GTA, like myself.

I think that once the new babies arrive, your mothering instincts will be stronger than your guilt. My grandmother had 6 children and at least 10 pregnancies. Most were miscarriages, but one did die shortly after birth due to medical incompetence, so I know it is possible to move on. I also have to wonder, I've never heard of a baby crying itself to death, so I can only believe there was some condition that caused both things. I presume you didn't have an autopsy to find out though. Either way, it should have been caught by the doctors, even if diagnosing babies can be difficult. Don't forget that getting a 2nd opinion on these things is often very useful. (Hopefully, you have a good medical plan/system, so it doesn't cost extra too.) As for adoption, even though you've decided against it, I just want to say I don't see anything wrong with it. If my dad wasn't adopted, he would have be raised by a poor mother and no father, and I certainly wouldn't be here. Instead, he got two wonderful parents, and there are many more on the adoption waiting lists. If you cannot provide your children with adequate care, don't hesitate to use adoption services.

I just want to point out that there's a difference between talking about power/domination and actually doing it. Myself, I like to indulge in such conversation sometimes. You know, pass myself off as authoritative, somehow above the rest, the narcissist who really is that great, the person no one commands and commands others without them knowing, etc... But it's just bullshit. And though I would never say so, I think it's funny, a joke, like playing the king in a play. The fact that people believe it adds to the amusement. I guess, I'm just saying, if you want someone with real power over you, look beyond the words. Myself, I would love someone who knew how to shut down my protests and put me in my place. But they'd have to let me pretend to be in charge and demand my will be done when I feel the need, then quietly wipe it all away like the childish protests they are. It's all part of the game. And a game it is, because even though I may be (vocal) putty in their hands, fundamentally I will always see my partner as an equal. An equal who makes me the child, because I let her, I want it and I want her. The control she brings makes up for the control I lack, which enables me to contribute more to the relationship. Therefore, it is a partnership, not a domination, even if it looks like one. And believe me, I will do my best to deconstruct her personality in turn, and see what I can do fill in the gaps. Kind of like two puzzle pieces coming together. Now I just need to find one that fits, lol. So as for MM, I guess I appreciate her style, though at the face value of her words, it would be too strong for me. But then, I do think she is exaggerating a bit.

Internal muscles, such as sphincters, the heart and that which lines intestines, are smooth muscle. This is different than the muscles that control your skeleton and movement. Afaik, smooth muscle does not atrophy nearly as fast, if at all. I personally believe that most of learned incontinence, is just that learned. The mind changes how it responds to stimuli, leading to the emulation of physical incontinence. Kegel exercises help to heal physical damage and to retrain the mind to use that muscle, but I don't think atrophy is nearly as big a factor as people imagine. Then again, I'm not a doctor. I certainly don't think the bladder shrinks either. I mean, consider the skin, if someone becomes morbidly obese and loses the weight, their skin does not shrink with it. You have to get plastic surgery to remove the extra. On the other hand, it's very well known that the mind can very quickly change at what capacity it feels the bladder is full. Given the tremendous plasticity of that relationship, I'm certain that most learned incon is simply a modulation of that response to a very sensitive level.

My parents found out and told me I was being controlled by Satan or something, lol. What can you do? I'm glad you had a good morning.

I've come a long way from the first time I found this site, but all journeys come to an end sometime. There's nothing I regret, for I have learned much about others and myself. I don't want anyone to think that I'm leaving because of something they said or did, and that's why I'm making this post. In fact, I want to thank a few specific people: Curious -- Your kind words saved me from despair, and made me realize that we can still find goodness in this world. I know I can have a very tough shell to crack, but you seem to do it every time. I'm thankful for that, because now I can see the wonderful person inside me too. I can only hope to see you online in IM more often. Restlessfox -- I've always enjoyed talking with you, you've clearly got a good future ahead of you, and you're stories are great! Keep doing things the way you are, and I'm sure you'll succeed. Travis Baby 19 -- Somehow we have this uncanny ability to relate to each other, and seeing how my problems are slowly being solved, I have confidence that yours will too. Best of luck to you! Gobo (aka Baby Hollywood) -- You've had more ups and downs than I care to count, but for as long as I've known you, you've always made progress. You're such a fun guy, that I'm sure with some effort, you'll find your niche in society and do very well. Just keep at it, and things will work out one day. SS84Onwards -- I know I've said some blunt and harsh things towards you, and I'm sorry about it. I guess, seeing someone of such obvious intelligence and skill being stifled the way you are really bothers me. You always seem to be living in a maze of rules and regulations. Maybe it's time you started to break those rules, and cut through the bureaucracy? I don't know, and I'm sure that's what you'd say tell me too, lol, but I hope for the best anyways. Goth Nerd ABand More (aka Big Sister Clowy) -- Talking to you is always awesome, even if you may be a bit erratic at times, and I'm sometimes lost for words. You've got a sense of adventure that I find fantastic! Like a rough diamond that's seen the world ten times over, but will soon gain the polish to sparkle brilliantly. I anticipate many more interesting conversations in IM. 18LittleBaby Matty -- You have so much talent, it's just amazing. I tremendously enjoy talking to you, and I hope to continue doing so. Just think of your good qualities, and you'll never find a reason to be down! Jason (aka heavensanglebaby, etc...) -- From the minute I met you, I felt a certain comradery with you for reason I cannot explain. Maybe that's why I was so upset when I heard your story. I know I put you off, also for reasons I do not understand, but that's OK. It seems clear to me that things are starting to work out for you now, and that's what really counts. I hope the positive trend continues! Ranmajade -- You reminded me of the dangers of arrogance. This is a lesson one can't learn well enough. Ruuuuuuuuu1 -- You're always so great in the chat, and your boats are cool! WiiBaby -- You always seem to have something intelligent to say. Keep it up! Sammy (aka Daddys PP Baby) -- You're always make me laugh, even if I have no balls! Raynn -- Again, quite the comedian! Especially with your assistant George! NCC74654 -- Star Trek rocks! So do your intelligent conversations. BabyBrittany -- There's not many people I could have a good technical conversation with, but you're one of them. I've always enjoyed it. Seppuku -- Again, another intelligent fellow. I hope you work out your gender questions, and things go well for you! Spiderman -- Always reliable for a fun late night conversation. Keep up the good work! Turtlepins -- I've always found your courage something of an inspiration. There are so many more people too, but I can't list or remember them all. I'm only human, of course. However, everyone I've talked to and interacted with here has created a positive experience for me one way or another, and for that I thank all of you! Still, for some reason I'm half-expecting people to come out of the woodwork and tell me that they're glad to see me go. Truthfully, I feel I really don't belong here, and that's part of why I'm leaving (the other part being that I spend way too much time online to begin with). When I first came I did want to wear diapers and stuff, and in fact, I tried it a number of times. However, as time has passed, I find no desire to wear them again. In fact, most of the time, I don't even want to think about them, since it usually only brings me frustration. Thus, after leaving here, I will endeavour to cease these desires and thoughts. Now, maybe I will fail in this, like in so many other things. In which case, you may hear from me again, but I figure it'll be at least a few months either way. Maybe this is a purge thing, and maybe it won't last. In the mean time, I'll be looking for a proper job and eventually return to formal education. Most importantly, I'll be fixing up the many problems in my life, thoughts and behaviour. Maybe if I'm really fortunate, I'll find a girlfriend, and one open minded enough to be a part-time mommy, should my behaviour modification attempts fail. Although, I don't expect this kind of luck, but who knows what the future has in store? Finally, if anyone wants to contact me, my email and IM addresses are in my profile. Feel free to use them.

Also, when you click the shoutbox link in the top menu, and you try to post something there, it says, "Your shout was too short" or something to that effect.

I was wondering when you'd finally make the plunge. I'm glad you did it!

Just thinking about it, spurred on by DL Dave's post, and the reason I'm not a total control freak is probably because my father is, so I know better than to be one. He's just like DL Dave, in that he expects people to tell him what's going on at all times, and that his word is final. In fact, he even told me to view him as God a few times. Trouble is, he doesn't do the same for other people. He usually doesn't tell my mom, or anyone, what he's planning on doing, even if it's buying a new car or an ATV. Now that I think about it, he especially doesn't tell anyone anything if he's buying a big ticket item. Instead, he just shows up at the door with it, leaving my mom, and their bank accounts, in the lurch. So, as much as I care for him, he's a damn hypocrite, and that pisses me off. I mean, I don't mind a person giving advice hypocritically, but to have this kind of double standard is going too far. I guess that's why I make sure I'm not a total control freak. However, I do retain the desire to let someone else make all the decisions for me from time to time. I just don't want them to be an ass about it, like my dad, with a holier than thou, edict from on high attitude. Instead, I want them to tell me do to the things I keep telling myself to do, but find myself unable to follow through with. To be someone that reinforces, reflects and enhances my will to become a better and more productive person. It mustn't be something imposed, but something asked for, and done positively, with hugs and encouragement. Overall, I want to be dominated by someone that cares for me, and makes this clear with great force, so it is undeniable. Kind of like a "Dammit! You can do this! I swear, if you don't start believing in yourself right this instant, I'm going to punish you in a way you won't forget!" Then, they actually do it, but follow it with a long and tight huggy to prove they did it because they cared. In fact, just thinking about it makes me feel more confident. How does that work? lol. Maybe it's knowing I've got a rock I can rely on to cut through the BS, depression and self-loathing my mind produces so readily, lovingly knock some sense into me, and thereby, keep me on the right track.

I'm not really a control freak, but I do need to know exactly what's going on. At all times, I need to know what's expected of me, and what I should expect from other people. If this understanding is lost, like if someone reacts in a way I don't understand, I find it very disturbing. I guess I'm an information freak, lol.

I put in a decent amount of information. The way I see if, if they're browsing my profile here, they're just as guilty of having an ABDL interest as I am. I do use a different username than in other places, however.

Actually, I should clairfy. He did not wet himself, put purposely did his business onto the floor of the lineup, and perhaps onto the person in front of him to some degree.

So I was in this line for a club in Toronto, and this crazy Russian guy decided he had to go pee much too badly to hold it. Thus, he went right in the lineup for the club. Next thing you know, there's streams of pee running along the ground, and people are freaking out trying to avoid it, stepping over and around. Then, when it looked like the night was ruined, I heard a voice saying, "Dude, wear some diapers!" This lone voice soon evolved into the cat-calls of many, when this fellow, having so overloaded his bladder capacity, decided to do relieve himself again! Like a thunderous roar, the crowd demanded he submit to their will. "Wear diapers, and spare us this non-sense!" They said. Well... perhaps they didn't all say that, but a few people did, and that's my point. In any case, diapers could definitely be useful in club line ups, especially for those crazy Russians. lol

What do you think would happen if I made a post like this, but instead filled it with poetic and beautiful language? You know, wrote an Ode to Mommy sort of thing?