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Sometime a little over a week ago, I think it was a Saturday, the odometer on my permanently nappy-clad life clocked over 5 years. Any chronologists reading may already have realised that my blog on this is already well more than 5 years old and so my life in nappies must also be more than 5 years. This is true. I went into nappies full time in late 2018 but this only lasted a little more than 2 months before I went back into grown up pants in order to spend a few weeks working integrated with a short holiday in the USA. It proved to be my last ever annual month-long pilgrimage there for work as the world, and my world in particular was going to implode in 2020 but I didn’t know that then. Furthermore, if I’d known then what I know now about how to wear nappies as a grown up, I wouldn’t have come out of them for that trip. It was the first week of April 2019 that I put on a BetterDry in the Qantas Club lounge bathrooms at Los Angeles airport to stay in them ever since and that was a little over 5 years ago. Five years would have seemed like an impossibly long time back then but here we are. I think I was downstairs painting a garage at the time our planet completed its fifth orbit of our star whilst I peed in my pants. I forgot to celebrate, or even to remember. I think that’s emblematic for how things look like to me right now. There isn’t much “nappy news” to see on a daily basis and frankly, it’s sometimes tough to think about what there might be left to write about them. Frankly, I’ve found it to be a curiously flat milestone although this may well just be my general mood. There’s a bit going on right now in the “rest of life” department. So many other things have changed in my life over this 5 years that it’s hard to work out what, if any, changes are nappy-related. I still think I’m happier in my nappy. It’s hard to be sure because I’ve largely forgotten what it’s like NOT to be in them. For sure the thought of taking them of does induce some low-level anxiety but who’s to say that this isn’t a natural anxiety in the face how accustomed I’ve become, both physiologically and mentally, to semi-automatically peeing myself. There’s also some legitimate anxiety about keeping the marital bed dry. Speaking of marital, I’m still married. It’s not been without collateral cost and I think at 5 years, I need to accept that I have all the tolerance and support that I’m ever going to get (ie: not much). She still hates my nappies which means she hates an aspect of me and that eats away at me like battery acid. I thought I’d be more resilient to that but rust never sleeps. Back on day zero I’d just assumed that if I ever lasted as impossibly long as 5 years in nappies, I’d be totally incontinent and the burden of choice would have been alleviated from me. I would no longer have to CHOOSE nappies, I would simply NEED them. That’s proved to be not quite true. What I have is nappy dependence. It means that I need nappies for simple practicality. I need to pee far too frequently and with far too much urgency to stray too far from a toilet. This is now to the point where it’s too burdensome to remain dry whilst conducting something resembling a normal day. My nappies let me operate like a normal person, or even on some levels a bit better. It’s ME who can sit through the whole “Dune” movie but at the end of the day, I’m in nappies because I have made a weird choice. I could retrain. I have still not escaped the responsibilities of my strange choices. Having said that, there’s been, quite recently, one or two glimmers of something that looks like incredibly mild incontinence. There have been damp sneezes. There’s the bedwetting thing but some part of me knows that paradoxically, this is some kind of deliberate behaviour, albeit “deliberate” at a subconscious level where logic and strategy don’t get much airtime. The occasional decision to pee without waking up is coming from my brain, not my bladder though. There’s probably some volition-worthy choice points I could make that would avoid my occasional bouts of night swimming. I’m just not sure what they are. So where to next? Five years isn’t really that long, only half as long as Ivan Denisovich’s Gulag sentence in Solzhenitsyn’s novel and generally speaking, in my Gulag the catering is better. Year 6 I suppose. Perhaps something interesting will happen then. “Interesting’ of course, may well be more in the context of the apocryphal Chinese curse than “engaging” but we’ll see.

Positivity and negativity towards a particular topic are objective terms. They become subjective when prefixed by “toxic”. Toxicity is pretty easy to test for in the science space but social toxicity is a value judgement projected by one group onto another that may or may not share those values via moral relativism. There’s no doubt that ABDL behaviours can be confronting to the social norm and that some degree of negative social sanction can be expected from the general population. In this particular self-selected demographic, the normative values are greatly skewed one way and it is unsurprising that the degree of sanction is high. The corollary of that is that a place like DD is another self-selected demographic and is skewed the other way. Is there an objective “correct”? I don’t know. I didn’t much like the neo-religious preoccupation with the negative: guilt, repression, fear etc. It doesn’t seem very psychologically helpful to me. It was an interesting perspective though.

And that's how it is now for me. Whilst not incontinent, if you ask me not to pee for anything more than an hour or so, that's liable to provoke catastrophic failure. I can be "continent" but I need a clear path to a toilet and zero delays. I truly wonder if we would EVER become incontinent by doing what we do (although dripping-on-sneeze the other day was something new). Having said that, if we were assessed by how able we were to stay dry under daily life challenges, would a practitioner consider us functionally incontinent (or heading towards such a state)? Be happy it wasn't a catastrophic blow-out. I've worn THAT t-shirt. All things being equal, I have full control. Throw variables such a too much of the wrong food into the mix and accidents may well happen now.

To get back to the original topic: Yeah..... Nah.... I don't think so. The politie just haven't considered her best camera angle when removing her. Even if we disregard Occam's razor, a modest tweak of image enhancement suggests a very distinct bum crack, the landscape for which is obscured by diapers. If you look at the fat deposition on her thighs, that would be consistent with the slightly puffy derriere. Of course, as others have said, if she WAS diapered, I'd expect sustainable hemp cloth under canvas pants, something like that 🤣

After more than 5 years of 24/7, I suffer from intermittent bed-wetting making night diapers mandatory and sufficient daytime frequency/urgency to make daytime diapers a practical necessity outside of the house. Here's a distillation of what I've learned: Your loved ones will most likely never understand, approve and, if you are unlucky enough, never tolerate your diapers, even after years You will be amazed (and likely horrified) at how much landfill you create Your diapers have a chilling effect (albeit reducable) on virtually every aspect of your life and will annoy you accordingly from time to time Diaper dependency takes a LOT longer than fan fiction tells you but hides in plain sight when it arrives (I'll get back to you later on "incontinence" if and when it ever arrives). Despite 1 – 4, You never want to come out of them I've used the second person pronoun "you" but that's not to say this will be your experience. It was just my experience. To continue with second person pronoun constructs, your mileage may vary 😆

So this weekend past I again dropped my beloved at the airport on Friday morning for a long weekend with her girlfriends interstate. Three days alone afforded me the strange kind of inverted opportunity that presents to those of us who chose to live their entire lives in nappies: the chance of sneakily spending a weekend NOT wearing nappies. Just to see what still works and what doesn’t. Not Friday though. There was a road trip involved and I know enough already to know that such an event would NOT end well, especially since I was to be driving my beloved’s car. Definitely nappies for THAT trip. After the early morning drop-and-kiss at the airport (you have 30 seconds before a parking storm-trooper strides purposely towards you with a clipboard), I needed to head about 1.5 hours drive up the coast to supervise some works at our other house in a Rearz Inspire+ Mega. The Rearz saw abundant, full use of the course of the day. I never even made it from the airport to the city limits without needing to wet it a little. When I came home early evening that day however took it off, had a shower and replaced it with a thin, close-to-useless, underwear-styled pull-up that I had laying about. I used a pull up because: (a) I couldn’t find my last known remaining pair of underpants (b) It was yet another rain-soaked weekend and I was trying to minimise washing, just in case accidents happened I then proceeded to pee in the toilet by sharp necessity every 60 minutes until bedtime. It wasn’t much pee but the urges went from “none” to “toilet NOW” in as little as 10 minutes. I then went to bed in that same (dry) pull-up. It was unlikely that this pull-up would handle a full-on bedwetting but I punted that it had enough to let me get away with at least one “leak” and I could just change it out for any further nocturnal emissions. I needed to avoid having to wash pee-soaked bedding as it was yet another rain-addled La Nina weather weekend. A full on wet bed would be a logistical problem. I woke suddenly at 2:24am and realised I was about to pee. I leapt out of bed and made a beeline for the toilet where ensued, a very slow and weak pee in the socially conventional location. It looked like however under the harsh glare of the bathroom light that I was possibly a little late to the game. I’d found my “equipment” was a little wet already upon extraction and there was a small wet spot at the inside front of my pull-up. I think it must have been a pee squirt that woke me whereupon I remembered that I wasn’t supposed to be doing that. I had to get up and pee again at 4:30 and again at 7am which sucked. I thought my pull-up was basically dry next morning but pulling it for a rather novel “upon arising” pee, I found the crotch to be suspiciously yellow at the front and that the wetness markers had disappeared there. It certainly wasn’t VERY wet but it had seen *some* action. I’m not sure if that was the fugitive squirt that happened at 2:30 before I’d actually realised what was about to happen (which would have to have been much bigger than I’d thought) or if there’d been some minor leakage later, or both. The next day was more of the same: I had to pee hourly with urgency. Each pee episode was weak, small and preceded by a veritable Mariachi band of urges. I didn’t bother trying to hold on to see if I would wet myself. I knew I would before long, that the process would be painful and trigger yet more washing. It was a pretty annoying day really, not helped by the fact that I was painting a garage. At some point during the day however, Queensland’s autumnal pollen-dump arrived bringing on my usual allergic reaction. After enduring a slightly sniffy and red-eyed hour or so, I sneezed violently, and unexpectedly. I also unexpectedly-and-simultanously squirted into my pull-up. I felt it plain as day and the perfunctory check for a wet spot in my pull up (there was one) was a mere formality. The weird thing was that I didn’t even need to pee! THAT’S new. I don’t have a post-partum body. I’ve leaked whilst coughing before but that’s always been in the context of being in, or close to, my “drip and dribble” zone whereby I’ve relaxed my pelvic floor and allowed myself to use my nappies near-reflexively. This was NOT the case here. I was concentrating on being continent and was (up until the sneeze), perfectly dry and wet myself a tiny bit uncontrollably anyway. I then went to bed that evening and proceeded to keep my pull-up dry all night be dint of being awoken by my bladder to get up and pee every two to three hours. As far as I could tell, I did not sleep wet at all overnight. Then Sunday arrived: another day of hourly peeing. How very, VERY tiresome. Mercifully, Sunday night rolled around and I taped myself into a BetterDry, fell into bed, woke up needing to pee at 2am and did so this time without getting up. I don’t remember any further pee events until Monday so presumably (on night 3), bedwetting returned. So that’s what things look like. That’s after 5 non-stop years of nappies and avoiding any bladder control. It’s not much of a result really: unreliable bedwetting and some frequency/urgency during the day. I guess you’d call it “dependency”. Perhaps instead of the “12 Month Guide” they should call it the “12 Year Guide” because that’s what the glide slope here looks like. This, after no less than 5 years of uninterrupted nappies. On that slight pee-whiff of failure, I’ll defer commenting further on the 5 year anniversary until another time…

There is absolutely no doubt that many ABDL are indeed fetishists: just not all of them. ABDL in general is pretty obscure so the 1% of us probably don't get a lot of mind-share. Yep, I think that's the "1%" club 🤣 I think it would be nigh on impossible to indulge a "fetish" 24 hours per day, 7 days per week for years, like trying to live on chocolate. Overtly, you’re question seems to be “why do so many refuse to accept the legitimacy of my incontinence?” but to me the flip side of that question-coin might be “why is it so important that others recognise my incontinence as legitimate?” I don’t have an answer for that question either by the way… I’m guessing the same minefield of Freudian taboos and powerful societal mores that put us where we are, put the other 99.99% of the population where THEY are. Down here, most states have recently introduced voluntary dying laws allowing selected (usually terminally ill) people the chance to pull the plug on their own terms (a right that in principle I fully support). I’ve been slightly stunned though, by the number of people who’ve cited their emergent need for nappies as a reason to pull that trigger. It runs that deep. I’d imagine it would be quite a polarising conversation to raise at a barbecue too.

I can 100% attest that night diapers are a highly effective therapy for nocturia. I have nocturia but I don't notice it. Some nights now, I even sleep through it 🤣 To be honest, the whole "loss of control" thing seemed fairly unimportant to me when it eventually arrived.

My first thought was AI generated content but that doesn't really stack up for analysis. I struggle to see how "rough" could be computationally confused with "rouge" (although I could see a path via optical character recognition and a dodgy piece of paper but I don't think that's how DailyMail steal their content). Even with text to speech translation, that seems like an unlikely error to make. I would posit that being the "Main Science Reporter" at the Daily Mail could be compared to being the Sous Chef at your local McDonalds however. It also raises the question, who is the NON-main science reporter? IR-Baboon? What is non-main science? So many questions 🤣

Yep. This kind of stuff is happening more frequently. The optimistic take is that after 5 years, contempt has overtaken familiarity. The pessimistic take is that this is cognitive decline and before long, we'll all be incontinent anyway although ironically sentenced to dysfunctional institutional bags of tissue paper. The "daily driver" selection is currently 100% Mega Inspire+ and I've gone numb to the expense. The "BeDry" is even MORE expensive (and has very limited availability). I don't know why Rearz are so prone to leaks at the rear thighs but it is something of a brand hallmark. The Inspire Mega will do it to but it takes much more provocation. With the Barry, it was routine.

I'm very fond of my folded and pinned terry square nappies but I'm a bit cautious with them during the day. If I'm just out shopping or whatever, I don't mind so much. I just make sure I'm in loose, dark clothing and always have compression pants over them (to help keep them up as well as provide a bit of visual stealth). I've never even considered attempting changing them outside the house. As you say, you really need to be laying down and there's a substantial real-estate requirement (not to mention the logistical challenges of dealing with the wet ones out in the wild). If I was going out with friends or colleagues however, I just don't dare use them. I don't think people would look at me and shriek "Oh my god, he's wearing a nappy!" but I definitely have a certain thickness in the relevant area, much more than usual. I use 60" x 60" and often use a 24" x 24" baby's terry as a stuffer if the terries in play are older/thinner ones. Regrettably, I am polar bear shaped and sized. The upside to this is I can get away with a fairly thick nappy but the terry ones would be pushing my luck. The few times I've been out in them I've had surprisingly few chafing issues. I've found plastic-head pins to be rubbish though.

The Easter holiday break and an associated series of social engagements had disrupted my usual non-workday nappy routine. Pinned cloth terry nappies are great but they’re not great at dinner parties: at least the kind of dinner parties I find myself at. Maybe I should find some different kind of dinner party. Anyway, I found myself unusually alternating between cloth and disposables from night to night over a very long Easter Holiday weekend depending on what was going on. Thursday night was disposable instead of cloth (dinner party), Friday was cloth, Saturday was back in disposables (a “Little Mermaid” no less to handle an anticipated 14 hour shift after a much “wetter” dinner party). That’s all well and good but as the long weekend wore on, I’d started notice a very faint and intermittent stale pee note in the walk in robe. The cat died some months ago so my first line on enquiry was closed to me but in any case, it wasn’t really strong enough to make me think I wasn’t imagining it. You can get a bit olfactory-paranoid when you pee in your pants all the time. Sunday was cloth again but at Monday night, work beckoned and so, quite late, quite refreshed, I found myself groping around the just-out-of-sight-line top shelf grasping to retrieve my in-service pair of double-terry lined plastic pants. I habitually wear a pair of these over my night time disposables (do deal with the almost inevitable minor night time leakage) but usually they can go a week or two before consignment to wash. Sensing plastic at my fingertips up above my head, I dragged an item forward to the edge of the shelf whereupon it pitched over the edge to land at my feet with a surprisingly dull “whump”. That “whump” did seem somehow, well, solid. And then, like a mushroom cloud arising from a nuclear test, a blast of pure ammonia roared up from them to the stratosphere at my nose. So THAT’S where that subtle waft was emanating from. It wasn’t at all subtle now that the source was down at ground level. Bending down to retrieve them, I discovered heavy, cold, sodden towelling and if my nose was to be believed, a pee-party for bacteria. Why were they soaked? In some kind of mad moment, I wondered if the roof had leaked above them. It seemed unlikely despite the Easter weekend’s near non-stop rainfall. My folded terry nappies were up on that same top shelf and they seemed dry enough. I was left with Occam’s razor telling me that I’d had a catastrophic overnight disposable nappy failure in them two days ago. With my all-new, all-improved “Slightly-less-BetterDry) this is no longer as rare as it was a couple of nappy cases ago. Furthermore, in a new low for my nappy-insight, I’d failed to realise that this had occurred at my morning change and instead, flung an utterly-pee-drenched double-terry nappy/plastic pant combo up into the warm, humid confines of a tropically-wet Queensland Easter weekend walk-in robe shelf and let it ferment for a couple of days. Awesome. For several hundreds of milliseconds I contemplated putting them on anyway. It was late, it was dark, I’d drunk a vat of red wine. I was tired. I wanted bed. Fortunately, sanity prevailed. Apart from looking suspiciously squishy, I concluded that wearing that particular additional “protection” garment to bed was not only maritally inadvisable, it was arguably a bio-hazard, such was the NH3 off-gassing going on. On the other hand, I dimly knew that the red wine on-board would substantially increase the chances of unauthorised nocturnal pee emissions. No insurance policy for my slightly-less-BetterDry was also not a great idea. I’d have to find a clean pair from my nappy hamper back in the main bedroom, just beyond where my beloved lay dozing gently. I crept across the room in semi-darkness and tried, as much as was possible, to surreptitiously ferret through my wicker basket of nappy accessories in the dark. “huh? What’s happening?” my beloved mumbled. “Nothing dear” I replied, standing before her in full view. It is a credit to the normalisation of my strange life that she accepted my assurance of “nothing” at face value, rolling over to swiftly fall back asleep as, silhouetted by the dim yellow LED night light, her husband, wearing nothing more than a slightly swollen-at-the-front disposable nappy, sorted through piles of plastic pants in his “nappy hamper” sorting out his bedwetting gear in the hope of keeping the marital sheets dry. Strange days indeed.

That's pretty hard core. I can't do that because I want to remain married and get to live in my house. I've tested myself for nappy-free bedwetting (and found that I will do this sometimes) when my beloved has been away but like yourself, it wrecked the rest of the nights sleep and I had to get up and change the bedding (or at least take off my wet pyjamas and move to the other side). Wet beds get cold quickly. The best I could manage was a light doze. That's interesting although in my experience, bedwetting is a subconscious decision and conscious thoughts about wetting the bed can get in the way of it. The best way for me to wet the bed is to pay no attention to the matter. Yes. This is extremely common and I don't know why. Initially, ALL of my "observed" bedwetting events occurred during the first few hours of sleep. I've kind of lost insight now because I don't mentally track my bedwetting very much now and I'm used to being wet. I'm aware that occasionally, I'll "sleep through" and yet wake up empty bladdered. Logically that tells me that I've peed multiple times during the night and at least, failed to form any recollection of it. I've been in full time nappies for about 5 years and I suspect I wet the bed (in my sleep) at least a few times per week.

I don't really know. I just don't use my bladder. I can recall last time I tested (maybe a year ago) that I could last 1 hour or maybe 90 minutes but if I was well hydrated, I don't think it would be that long. I pee frequently but in fairly small volumes now. This is perversely kind of helpful because I've discovered diapers work better used that way. They have some time to digest between drinks and are therefore less likely to leak than with highly intermittent deluges. I'd have to say that if you're looking for convenience, you've picked the wrong hobby 🤣

I am diaper dependent. I’m not incontinent but my bladder range is very limited and my urgency is very high if I attempt to control things. This to the extent that it’s just more practical to wear diapers now. Also, if I start to pee now, I simply cannot stop so the risk of wet pants would be very, very high without diapers. Any leak would proceed to a full bladder empty and there wouldn't be much I could do to stop it. Having said that, this was in consequence of me being permanently diapered and NEVER making any effort to hold pee in. I started to see changes a few months in after going “24/7” but realistically, it was probably closer to 3 years before I began to realise that practically, it would be VERY difficult for me to stay dry through daily life without a diaper now. It's hard for me to see how this could have happened if I'd spent time undiapered and practiced my control (even if it was only for short periods of time). I'm just not sure about that "spiraling" thing beyond diapers providing a slight positive feedback loop. My mind is not made up though. "Progress" (if you can call it that) is certainly in my case a LOT slower that some of the fanciful stories you read and sometimes (like with the parable of the boiled frog), you don't truly realise what is happening to your body because it's so gradual. You'd have loads of time to work out if this wasn't for you and stop.