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is it odd to think you could get much worse mentally later in life?


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Its odd, but I keep thinking about how I could In the future possibly be so much worse mentally, I mean I really believe I could in the future have some sort of blackout and come out of it to just regret what Ive done, or possibly just start hallucinating like a schizophrenic, I hope neither comes true but idk, for one thing I laughed when I heard an ex teacher of mine had a son that died, and I did black out once when I was mentally at my worst in my senior year of high school, I just remember this student I hated that made all these stupid, boring, exhausted jokes, somehow we went to the upper left corner of the room and I knocked him out, he was on the floor yelling that I was gonna get arrested and being escorted out of the room, at the time I couldn't remember anything except for the end. I used to be at one end or the other and would cut myself, but now I haven't cut in quite a while, don't remember when my last depressed episode was, and don't fully know if I have had a manic episode in quite a while either, but I do know some of these coworkers of mine these days make me furious on the inside and im hoping that I won't black out again. So are my thoughts really odd? I also have a therapist and psychiatrist and feel my medication is working good (though im mot taking quite as much as maybe I should)

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First, if you are in a really stressful situation (like knocking out that dumb classmate of yours), blacking out isn't at all unusual...

It has happened to me every time I have had (or once, almost had) a major car wreck.

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It's not like I will consciously do anything stupid its just that some of these coworkers are quite literally POS's that never listen and don't care how what they are doing effects you and makes you work extra hard and im almost afraid to tell them off as im still somewhat new and don't want to seem like that kind of person. And while not perfect and I wish the pay was better, its probably the best I can get all in all and I actually enjoy it most of the time, ive been trying to show that im versatile so I don't work in that area an awful lot, but when I do its just so infuriating

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As you go through life you acquire more teflon to wear ;) and the less that other people will become a bother to you (even though they will always be there trying to do that). More than a few times I've had to push the thoughts of other people out of my mind to keep the one thougtht which counted going- that of my own self and my own goals which was going to carry me above and beyond those who were bothering me <_<

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Yeah I can only hope that working as hard as I am will lead to getting some kind of recognition beyond "thank you for 65 hours in 5 days" (really just "thank you" and a short speech before we are told we can go home), but regardless work isn't for recognition, raises or if you are lucky bonuses right? The main thing is trying to satisfy your employer so you can keep the job and get ahead in life, I think ill be fine as is (with the job and mentally) but its always in the back of my mind the possibilities (even though some are probably next to impossible to happen)

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