Chat Kicking Poll

[Guest *~Andi~*]

hey hey!!! no beating ppl with rulers!!!! *beats lanny with a raw chicken*

[musicaddict]

If I ask nicely can I be beaten with the ruler instead of the chicken?

[Lanthey]

Oh no..... this thread has descended into chaos and it's all Sarah's fault!

[Guest *~Andi~*]

lets get her!!!

[Eir]

It seems to me that we could really use two chat rooms: One for those who want to find mommies/daddies/roleplays/HNGs/etc and tend to use the chat to find a PM partner, and another where people are looking to have a group chat on whatever topic, diapers or otherwise (PMs probably minimal). I think at least some of the friction is due to competing goals for the people in the chat.

I am a fairly evolved individual, and do my best to respect all. Yes, chat should be seperated. I am not an HNG, but have been accused of being worse. I realize people tend to be more vicious online, one of the tradeoffs of anonymity. I would like to add personally attacking others on chat as a kickable offense. If I offened someone, apologize, explain myself, but they are still mad and keep attacking, that sort of behaviour should be kickable. I have been flamed in chat in the past. These were incidents where a simple misunderstanding triggered a classic male reaction. We should be able to kick Neanderthals out of the chatroom when they show up. I think members should be able to vote, say when a mod is not in, to kick a warned and offending party out of chat, at least temporarily.

Peach.

[DiaperPony]

Wanted to say that although I'm not interested in M/D/RP/HNG/PM stuff, I understand why they would want it, so I am not trying to diss those users with my suggestion. I just think they'd have more success in a room where finding a PM was why people were there, instead of annoying the people that are just wanting a group chat. And, if nobody is in the PM room, then that also quickly answers their question if anyone is wanting to PM. *shrug* .. was a thought

[Dirty Diaper/Maxipad Lover]

Spamming should result in a kick/ban, but only if the person is peddling a product that they're tied to--that means their blog, website, eBay sales, and so on. An obvious exception would be if someone asked for the specific service/product that a member is offering.

In addition to common sense/general site rules including pretty much anything illegal, the "other" should apply to targeted unprovoked personal attacks. When I say "targeted" attacks, I'm talking about attacks that are repetitively aimed at a specific member by another specific member. The occasional one off insult wouldn't qualify here--this is about consistent repetitive insults without any form of provocation or incitement on behalf of the person being attacked.

As for the other actions in the poll, here's why I don't think that they're worthy of a ban:

• Cursing: Everyone here is an adult, and a good portion of us swear regularly. Cursing at someone in a way that would warrant a ban would fall under the concept of an unprovoked, targeted personal attack--the cursing wouldn't get you banned, but attacking another member would.

• Baby Talk: Ignore it--none of us have to read anything we don't want to. I hate reading baby talk, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to say that other members shouldn't be allowed to babble like babies if they so choose. Once it's clear that a specific member is speaking gibberish, just ignore what they type if it bothers you.

• Trolling: Again, ignore it. Trolls feed on attention and a ban is exactly the type of thing that they're looking for. Yes they're annoying, and yes they're disruptive, but the moment you acknowledge them, you give them exactly what they want. As soon as they realize they're not going to get their desired reaction out of you, they'll go somewhere else. Let the trolls have their temper tantrums, get bored, and then leave--it'll save everyone a much larger headache in the long run. I want to be crystal clear in the fact that I don't support trolls, and that's why I'm against banning them. As soon as you ban them, they get the "power" that they wanted, and usually come back in a more annoying way then they were originally.

• PMing without permission: Deal with it! This is so stupid it shouldn't even be an option in the poll, but I'll elaborate anyway. An "ignore" option should be added to the chat if one hasn't been added already. As soon as there's an ignore feature, people should use it. Asking to send a PM defeats the entire point of having PMs in the first place. If someone is truly causing a problem with a PM, the person whose being bothered should copy and paste the PM into the main chat where a mod/admin can address it. Use a screenshot if need be, and then quietly ignore the problematic member in the future.

Multiple rooms might also solve some of the problems, particularly the one with PMs.

[wetman]

...

• PMing without permission: Deal with it! This is so stupid it shouldn't even be an option in the poll, but I'll elaborate anyway. An "ignore" option should be added to the chat if one hasn't been added already. As soon as there's an ignore feature, people should use it. Asking to send a PM defeats the entire point of having PMs in the first place. If someone is truly causing a problem with a PM, the person whose being bothered should copy and paste the PM into the main chat where a mod/admin can address it. Use a screenshot if need be, and then quietly ignore the problematic member in the future.

...

qft

[Guest *~Andi~*]

• PMing without permission: Deal with it! This is so stupid it shouldn't even be an option in the poll, but I'll elaborate anyway. An "ignore" option should be added to the chat if one hasn't been added already. As soon as there's an ignore feature, people should use it. Asking to send a PM defeats the entire point of having PMs in the first place. If someone is truly causing a problem with a PM, the person whose being bothered should copy and paste the PM into the main chat where a mod/admin can address it. Use a screenshot if need be, and then quietly ignore the problematic member in the future.

How often are u in chat?? Cuz Im in there a lot and I have no clue who u even are. But you are entitled to your opinion. However in reference to this part of your opinion, let me ask how often u get pm'ed by ppl asking about gross things like if you are on your period do u wear or hey are u shaved or my personal fave... oh ur a girl soooo hey want to change and mommy me? seriously, y not nip it before its an issue. Asking to pm is a respect thing....

[Kapitan]

The thread is pretty darn long so I haven't read it all, however these are my opinions from my short time here (WHcih I mostly spend lingering in chat more than forum posting. Don't ask why, I have no idea.).

Spamming is a pretty obvious yes...

PMing without permission is annoying. It gets in the way. It's common courtesy to ask and I have no issue with it being a rule because "hay r u a gurl? ASL?" popping up from someone who's been lingering in chat without saying a word in local over the past hour of conversation is bloody annoying! Especially if you send them half a message intended for local or worse another PM. I like the new notice as it informs people who may not know so they can't claim innocent and I think the 'psh deal with it' attitude on this front is a bit daft. I go with a yes on this one too. However;

Swearing, no issue. I swear like a trooper inadvertently.

Talk of wet/messy diapers - It's been brought up a few times. People seem to get way over-sensitive. Possibly because of the people who just over do it or sign up without talking and immediately yell about the contents. I'm all up for talking about how it feels, smells, if you should or shouldn't, if you're trying it for the first time or even just one of many rare times. It's a diaper chat. We're not just AB's here, we're also DL's. And some of those would like to openly and sensibly discuss that - Within reason. Though I have felt in the past that so much as mentioning it in passing would get people up in arms after a word or two from persons unnamed. Now, if it's just ridiculous, over the top and unwanted by the people/person you're talking to, it's a different story of course. As with EVERYTHING. But if people are having a chat about it already, don't moan just go elsewhere or change the topic yourself.

I find baby talk extremely annoying however this is an ABDL chat. There are AB's here. Personally I think people should keep it to PM's to keep the main chat readable and sometimes constant babytalk can get a little creepy (It always reminds me of someone on SL who had a voice changer and talked like it on mic.). But, obviously, given the theme and nature of the chat I ignore it when and if it ever becomes an issue in main chat and just avoid conversing with said person. I voted yes but that's just my opinion and I can shut up and deal with it and honestly don't think it's any real issue.

Trolls, eh, you get 'em everywhere. Nothing annoys them off more than the conversation continuing completely uninterrupted with no one getting wound up. I think it should be kickable either way.

Some of my opinions may be influenced by the fact I prefer to converse with the whole group not just IM one or two people (Else the chat feels rather pointless.).

[LilFozzyJ5]

allowing the people in chat to 'vote' someone off is a bad idea, as it introduces popularity contests and people who are all friends picking on someone they dont want in chat for any reason. Never a good idea.

Multiple rooms is a good idea... if people want to baby talk, or rp baby talk with a carer... look theres a room. If people want to talk poop and scat...look theres a room... etc...

To DD/Maxie pad, there has always been an option to ignore individuals pm's, you can do it everytime you click on someones name on the right, and it remains ignored unless you select it again. But andi has a point, why should people have to be subjected to offensive pm's in the first place. And there is nothing worse than you typing something and then finding what you have typed is in some newcomers chat... and they are doing the whole "??? WTF what do you mean crap" to you

[ItchyTasty]

• PMing without permission: Deal with it! This is so stupid it shouldn't even be an option in the poll, but I'll elaborate anyway. An "ignore" option should be added to the chat if one hasn't been added already. As soon as there's an ignore feature, people should use it. Asking to send a PM defeats the entire point of having PMs in the first place. If someone is truly causing a problem with a PM, the person whose being bothered should copy and paste the PM into the main chat where a mod/admin can address it. Use a screenshot if need be, and then quietly ignore the problematic member in the future.

How often are u in chat?? Cuz Im in there a lot and I have no clue who u even are. But you are entitled to your opinion. However in reference to this part of your opinion, let me ask how often u get pm'ed by ppl asking about gross things like if you are on your period do u wear or hey are u shaved or my personal fave... oh ur a girl soooo hey want to change and mommy me? seriously, y not nip it before its an issue. Asking to pm is a respect thing....

Just say 'none of your buisness'/ no comment and ignore them with the ignore button if they continue or ask that question at the start.

The difference is in real life unless it was at a fetish club, people wouldn't have the balls to say such sick stuff. If they did the moron would draw attention to himself anything from embarrassment to being beaten up.

If the moron said such a thing at a fetish club. Just say the above.... 'none of your buisness'/ no comment, if they continued it would come under harassment, alarm or distress.

If in the uk... http://en.wikipedia....arm_or_distress

However it would be slightly different in a chat as it's not a public place and not real life, but would still come under Harassment, alarm or distress which can be dealt with by putting them on ignore. And if it really offended you, you could also report them to a moderator, as well as the chat logs get monitored anyway.

[Leilin]

If it were just one person a night, that would totally be a viable solution. For every 20 minutes of chat I've done on this site, I've had at least 4 blind PMs from HNGs. It is rampant and, for the most part, undealt with, or at least was before I stopped going into this chat due to the abusive people in there.

[Dirty Diaper/Maxipad Lover]

Just say 'none of your buisness'/ no comment and ignore them with the ignore button if they continue or ask that question at the start.

This right here--it's not that difficult to click a button marked "ignore." If you really feel bad about it, you can even warn the other person by adding "I'm going to put you on my ignore list," somewhere in the message should you have the desire to do so. The messages people are complaining about fall under the "common sense" category of kickable offenses, so there really is no reason not to simply report the PM and then click "ignore." An "accept/decline" prompt might be helpful as well to prevent the issue that LilFozzie mentioned, but an ignore prompt should be sufficient.

The difference is in real life unless it was at a fetish club, people wouldn't have the balls to say such sick stuff. If they did the moron would draw attention to himself anything from embarrassment to being beaten up.

Quoted for truth.

Another problem seems to be the "tone" of the messages. SweetBabyAndi used the question "do you have your period" as an example. Well, if the main chat discussion is about diapers and menstruation, or a PM already discussing the topic is in progress, then this becomes a valid question. In such a situation, I may preface such a question with "I realize this is a personal question," or "you don't have to reply to this if you're not comfortable doing so," but at that point in the discussion, it really shouldn't be necessary, and is done as a courtesy. If you've expressed interest in a subject like this before, then you can't exactly complain when another person asks you about it. (What do you expect if you've brought the subject up or actively discussed it on a fetish website? People are going to be curious about your fetish and specific aspects of it that they may or may not share.)

Now asking the question out of the blue is another story entirely. It sounds like the problem is HNGs asking this type of question before typing so much as a "hello." The solution to this is to hit the ignore button--it's a pretty simple process, and I really have no sympathy for those who can't do it. We all get messages we don't want, either in the form of SPAM that our filter missed, actual junk mail, and through things like telemarketing. In every other case we ignore/delete the message, and DD should be no different. Occasionally, someone might return an unwanted message with another unwanted message (I'm sure at least one of you has sworn at a telemarketer) and have a little fun in the process, but usually we ignore the unwanted message. Remember, you do not have the right to not be offended--a "global ignore" feature, and a feature to only allow specific members might help, but people need to take the first step and use the "ignore" feature that already exists.

[Leilin]

I'm sorry. At the point where a double digit percentage of any remotely feminine person's time in chat is spent pressing the "ignore" button, the people who are offenders in this fashion need to be dealt with if there is to be any reasonable hope of the chat not being exactly the same kind of cesspit that DPF's chats became. Furthermore, the ignore button has many of the EXACT same pitfalls that DPF's did.

How can it be made better?

If they aren't already, only let verified members in chat. This will make the ignore button a heck of a lot more useful, as trolls and HNGs can't just make another profile after being ignored by every reasonable person in the chat other than, in the case of the trolls, their cronies.

HOWEVER, the easier solution, as that necessitates a change in forum settings, is decent moderation.

You say you don't have the right to be offended, nor has it been stated that you have the right to intently offend and stalk other people. As a matter of fact, it has been said that you don't.

It's funny that fetish clubs should be brought up, since in a fetish club, a person who intently follows around and creeps out the female members of the club or starts arguments will be kicked out 100 percent of the time. This is universal in the fetish clubs where I've been and I've seen it happen more than a few times.They don't tolerate HNGs and trolls and nor should we.

[Dirty Diaper/Maxipad Lover]

Okay, now we're starting to get to the real issue here, and that's starting to look like a combination of ineffective moderation and inefficient/poorly written software. If the ignore button has so many flaws that it's useless, it needs to be fixed, and it needs to be fixed quickly. Moderation appears to be attempting to improve itself through this thread.

The idea of restricting the chat to verified members is interesting, but I can think of more then a few people who don't want their names associated with fetish websites who would take issue with this. A better solution, in addition to the concept of multiple rooms, would be to tweak the PM system with different settings. Two global settings with two filters would do the trick--global allow and ignore, and allow/block only a selected list of people. What we have now would be considered "global allow," meaning you can receive PMs from anyone, and "block only a selected list of people" meaning that only those who are ignored would be blocked. The new options would reverse this, "global ignore" would disable PMs from everyone while the "allow only a selected list of people" setting would allow those users to send PMs to people using the global ignore setting. In addition, an "accept/decline" prompt could be added for all users. Most other messaging systems have this type of thing already built in.

Another option would be to add a "PM kick" feature to the PM system itself. If utilized, the "PM kick" feature would allow a person in a PM to kick a member from the chat for an abusive PM. To ensure that this system isn't abused, the chat mods would automatically receive a copy of the PM to review, and abusers of the "PM kick" system could be temporarily banned for disruptive behavior. I prefer the previous idea to this one, but this one would put some power in the hands of the people involved in a PM and probably be helpful to the chat mods.

There's a difference between a fetish club and a place like DD--in a fetish club, a creep who stalks the female members presents a clear and present danger to the other members of the club--on DD that person is a random person with an internet connection who poses a clear and present annoyance. I didn't say that we should tolerate HNGs or trolls--I said that no one should have to ask to send someone else a PM--abuse of the PM system should be dealt appropriately.

The only reason I take any issue at all with banning trolls is that it gives them exactly what they want--negative attention. Ban a troll's IP and the troll will return with a new IP. Ban a troll's ISP and the troll will change ISPs--this is why the best way to handle trolls is to ignore them. (And yes, I realize that by having this discussion, we're giving trolls exactly what they want, but the topic needs to be addressed.) Then there are the other members who use the trolls ISP or who might get a troll's banned IP address who could suffer from this. Years ago I had an ISP that provided an IP that rotated regularly, and was quite surprised one day when I couldn't access half of the sites I visited regularly. I called my ISP, and they took one look at the address and apologized for giving me an IP number that looked "like it was banned from almost everything but search engines" according to the tech. If there's a way to ban trolls that actually works, I'd be all for it, but I've yet to see one that's effective. As soon as trolls get bored, they move on. HNGs are another story entirely--they can learn from their time-outs in the form of a kick/ban so I have no problem banning them for harassing members.

Oh, and I said that "you do not have the right to not be offended." I specifically did not write "you have the right to be offended," because that misconstrues the original statement, which could also be accurately worded as "others have the right to offend you." What others (whoever they may be) don't have the right to do is to legitimately threaten or harm you. Legitimate threats should be dealt with to the fullest extent of the law. Someone who "offends" a few people--for example, by speaking in baby talk--should be ignored by the person whose offended. Look, baby talk annoys me, but I can ignore it and let the people who enjoy it have their fun.

[~*PrincessZozo*~]

I'll agree with inefficient Software, but I can't think of a better mod than Alex (other than myself of course!)

[Leilin]

The only reason I take any issue at all with banning trolls is that it gives them exactly what they want--negative attention.

So the chat gets -1 troll and the troll gets removed. Everybody gets what they want. Why is this a bad thing?

[Repaid1]

To chime in for a second, you must be a verified member of the site, that is, you must at least have a "member" rating to send PM's in chat. Normally all this takes is to you to send in the email that is sent to the address when you first joined.

In the past many might remember our old chat system, it had most of the features that people are wanting now, unfortunately it cost a bit of money to host and as such Daily switched over to the IP Boards home chat. It has issues but it is upgraded now and then. So at present we are at the whim of this software. But take light in knowing that we are not the only site using this chat, and I am quite sure that many people are suggesting upgrades from the many other sites that use this software.

Also note that Daily tries to fund this site on his own through the sponsors and ads and such, when he gets critical on funds he does shout out to us members. So If you can spare a few dollars, don't forget to click on his links to get the servers and hosting a few bucks now and then. If you can't spare any cash that's fine too, but don't forget he has struggled to keep this a free site. So if you have it spare some ! The more that donate the more he can do to improve this site. I sometimes wish the general audience could see the effort put into this site with Admin and hosting and moderating. As such, most goes on behind the scenes and I dare to say I think it is taken for granted. But such is life. It is what it is, but hey we continue to grow and as such get better everyday, so it isn't all a bad thing now is it?

[Horndog]

My thoughts in a nutshell:

• Cursing: We are an 18+ site. This should be allowed. We're all adults little minds in big bodies here.

• Spamming: That's an essential reason for getting booted. No-spam rules are observed on other sites.

• PMs w/o Permission: Difficult to enforce, unless a moderator has logs to prove it. Usually, there's an IGNORE feature somewhere that prevents it.

• Trolling: Depends on how "trolling" is defined. Narrow it to "verbal harassment of someone else." This should be enforced.

• Baby Talk: Not everyone is into that. I consider "baby talk" roleplaying. Roleplaying should be in PMs.

[DiaperPony]

Perhaps if he used free open-source software he wouldn't have as many money troubles? There are comparable forum softwares..they even have ipb import features. Considering that I could run the chat off dialup with free software, it is hard to accept an "it's too expensive" argument.

[missyD]

/me starts to cry....... me dint know me wuz makin people upset by tokkin wike a baby an doin role pwayin in da room. If me role pwayin wif my frenz, me wanna pway wif em all, not just wif one at a time. Seriously though, sometimes RP develops spontaneously in a group, and it is an absolute hoot. I rarely babble on with baby talk, but if role playing and baby talk are banned, well then I am so out of here, and that would be a huge shame for me.

As for the rest of it, if someone wants to say %$#@ , or ^%$#, or %$@#, then I can deal with it. Spammer and trollers need to be kicked, and I just don't want to be hassled by some hng. I think it is a bit different for women - not just because we get hit on more, but perhaps in how we are socialized to deal with it. Whatever it is, I don't like it and hope that it simply will not be allowed.

I do find,however, that generally the room does a great job in taking care of things. Troublemakers are by far the exception as compared to the rule, and usually a quick little tune-up is all that it takes to restore harmony. Now me gonna have my baba and cry wif my other frenz who can't baby tok or role play

[missyD]

you know what, I have thought about this thread and have decided i am really really hurt and upset. I can't believe that it could even be a consideration that someone would be banned,,,, BANNED for speaking babytalk!!!!!! And I can't believe that anyone would want to kick/ban us for roleplaying! ***/me smiles at her friend and holds her hand***** I think this thread has turned into ,,, I dunno what it has turned into, but may very well drive me away...... and that will hurt beyond belief

and no swearing?? I don't swear, and only in chat as a sarcastic device, but if someone continuously uses foul language, it just tells me something about them. This is not church, or a classroom, this is an ADULT chatroom.... c'mon people, take a pill or something..........

[sarah_ab]

well consider it is members who are discussing their ideas.. and not a single mod or admin has stated that baby talk is even being considered as a bannable offence.... perhaps many people need to take a deep breath and step back from chat..

if something its getting to the point that it is infuriating... and you clearly have the choice to not do that thing... then take some time off.... let it go... and come back when you are in a better frame of mind.... sorta like if a friend is starting to get irritating and you have been hanging out non stop, you might take a few days off of them..... or you start getting annoyed watching a tv show or movie you change it....

i know i was getting very frustrated with this particular thread.... i'm sure that was evidence by some of my first replies.... so instead of continuing to post, i just stopped even reading it for a while... i took a step back... its very easy to do as well... to get to the chatroom, you have to come to DD, click on chat, then click accept on the new rule posting about pm'ing... three steps before you even enter chat, and at any time you can chose not to make the next click.......

[FretaBWet]

The question I find myself asking is "why would I even want to spend time in the chat room?" I used to spend more time in there and I found it enjoyable. I haven't been going in there much at all for some time but I never really thought about why until Christmas day. I went into the chat room in the late afternoon and spent a few minutes scrolling through some of the text in the window to get a feel for what was happening. No one addressed me at all. Before you start picking up rocks to throw I'm a big girl and I have a voice so I typed I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and happy holidays. There were 13 people in the room not counting me and not one person responded. Hey I can take a hint. You're not one of us so take a hike. I'm not naming any names, I didn't put in a specific time and no one is going to know who those thirteen people are except themselves. Maybe some of the HNG's are just trying to get some attention the only way that works. Maybe if the people that spend the most time in the chat room were welcoming and inclusive to everyone it would be a big improvement in the atmosphere of the room without having to argue over rules and the quality and amount of moderation. Just a thought.

Hugs,

Freta