Emotional Abuse

[DiaperedShyBoy]

Pretty much ever since i learned how to speak i have been emotionally abused by my "father," he is what people call a Narcissist, and i mean he is one completely. He is the biggest hypocrite i have ever known in my life, he always makes my mom cry, stresses her out to the max, and then he also blames almost all of her problems and his problems on her. All throughout my childhood my mother was always depressed and crying her eyes out, and i was always the one with her cheering her up and spending time with her, not my father, he never gave her any emotional support whatsoever, and if he cuddled with her, he would time it to 15 minutes, and most of the time he wouldn't even do it, what kind of monster does that to their own wife. They used to always get into fights when i was young about his alcohol, or something family related, ever since i small he always tried to avoid any family issues, and if we tried to talk with him about it, he would say whatever he wanted and then he says "End of story," and we get to say little to nothing. He acts like he is a king ruling over us and he is the only one with feelings. If we ever tell him how he makes us feel, he either blames us, or he gets extremely pissed and makes us feel even worse. I'm the only one in my family that he has gotten physical with, probably because I'm the son, but i never tried hitting him or anything, but he pushes me around and says "What are you going to do about it," like he's trying to provoke me, yet I'm not as stupid as he is. One time when i was late picking up my sisters from after school program, and it was only one minute late, he flipped out on me and went into scold mode for about 30 minutes, I got tired of it, and i said "What's the big deal, i was only one minute late," And he completely lost it, walk over to me like some crazed freak, rose his arm as high as he could, and smacked me as hard as he could, all i remember is not being able to move because i was so terrified, and i didn't even feel it, i was just paralyzed. Now, my parents are getting divorced, and we can't move away because we can't afford to, so we are stuck with him. When we told him that we were going to try to move, he told my mom that she cannot take the twins because child support will come after him, so he wants to fucking separate my sisters from the rest of their family, BECAUSE OF MONEY, I never wanted to punch him in his stupid face more than i did that day. He also told my sister she was smart, because she said she likes boy's better girls, yeah, that's a good idea, teach your FEMALE daughter to be sexist to her own gender, how effing stupid can you be? A couple of days ago, he started trying to blame my mom for money that was missing, and i had enough of it, I absolutely lost it, like i had never done before, I screamed so loud, and i was so mad at him, that i still do not even remember what i said to him, Nobody in my entire life has ever got me that mad, or even close to it, except for him. Now, i am so damaged from the stress he has caused in my life, i have Social Anxiety, Depression, and Co-dependency. My adrenal glands are also worn out, and now i get anxiety because of it, and i even have panic attacks (Which literally makes you file like your going to die) I am struggling to get a job, because I have almost no independence, or confidence. If i wanted to really say everything, i would be typing for days, and I'm not exaggerating. I am so worn out, and so overwhelmed, I just don't know what the next step is anymore.

[L-WET]

Hey,

I read your story. I want you to know that you are not alone. I grew up in a cold, non-affectionate home, and I never learned how to be intimate with anyone.

My only escape from stress was to lose myself in my imagination. I would fantasize about being a baby again, sleeping in a crib, wearing diapers.

Later on, I used alcohol, but eventually, that only made it worse. I'm clean now, thankfully.

When I was growing up, (late 50s/early60s), most guys had the John Wayne facade. Violence was accepted, even expected.

As an adult, I was diagnosed Depression (General) Anxiety (General). Now, I have learned to deal with it.

Persist! Live is always worth living. Don't feel that you 'must' do something. Do what you know is right.

God bless,

L