Dr_J Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Hello everyone, familiar and unfamiliar alike. I know it's rare for me to really participate in this community anymore, or write any stories or make any posts. Some of you know I've been dealing with a lot of bad luck lately. My aunt passed away 2 months ago, my car engine died (and thankfully was fixed under warranty), had a girl I was dating essentially tell me the last 3 weeks of us going out was nothing because she didn't really want a relationship anyway. Sounds like average complaints you'd hear from someone, right? And you know what? None of these things compare to what happened this past Monday morning. Bad luck, or fate, or whatever you want to call it, has had a funny way of finding me lately, and this week was no exception. I'm not going to get into the full details in a forum out of respect for the individual (whom I did not know), but I was witness to part of a suicide at the parking garage where I work. Needless to say, it was the scariest and most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life, and I'm pretty messed up from it. I saw part of what the individual had done and was also the first to find her and respond. I ran into my office and had my coworkers call 911.. I found out a short time later that she ended up not making it, despite our efforts and despite her being alive when the paramedics got to her. I was shaking, I was breathing heavy, and I almost passed out. Dealing with anxiety already, this experience has increased it 100-fold. I'm hardly sleeping, and the images and sounds of what I experienced are constantly replaying in my head. I'm getting help currently, more so than usual, but it is taking its toll. I'm told by the crisis counselors that I may develop some form of PTSD, and that with my current struggle with anxiety that this may exacerbate it further. Link to comment
wetatnight Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 you have my thoughts and prayers I'm glad that your getting help with this it can't be easy dealing with what your going threw Link to comment
notyalc Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I could have no idea what you're going through. I am deeply sorry and sympathetic for the loss. I've never seen anyone die in person, but I have seen the body of my dead sister.i know I shouldn't have looked at her, because that scarred me too.I hope the psychiatric treatment helps you, because there is nothing more terrifying than watching sombody pass Link to comment
Dr_J Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Link to comment
EnglishGentleman Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 I am so sorry to read that, Dr_J. I empathise with you entirely. Some years ago, I found myself attempting to resuscitate Link to comment
anned Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I know just what you are going through. I was a EMT for over 30 years... Suicides never bothered me. It was the car loads of kids killed by drunk drivers. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I know it's not much help, but you have to consider the fact that the person wasn't just injured in some accident or an innocent passer by hit by a stray bullet. Link to comment
Dr_J Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 I think for clarification purposes, it's now better that I elaborate on what happened. I didn't know this woman....this is true, but I was (and am) familiar with the thought process and the pain that one goes through that drives them to end their life. I guess the truth is that it affects all of us differently. In this particular case, it doesn't affect me any less because she committed suicide. If anything, it upset me just as much knowing she was in so much pain that she felt this was the only way to end it. People who find out what happened assume I just found her...but truth be told, I saw part of the fall (she was on the top floor, I was on the 1st floor), I heard the impact, and when I headed down the stairwell, I discovered her. My brain didn't process it at first, but when reality struck, that's when my brain filled in the gaps for me, and that's what's been messing with me the most. It's a two-sided coin: on one side, I was at the wrong place at the wrong time since I had to experience that....on the other side, I was at the right place because I was able to respond so quickly, and I can hope she was aware to see that someone did their best to save her life, and was there for her in those last moments even when she may have felt so alone. I know some friends who were corrections officers who have seen some similar or even worse things, and they have said that I will get over this, and I have no doubt in my mind that I will. Link to comment
kittykatie Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Sending you a pile of assorted kitten hugs, Link to comment
Fulldiaper Posted May 11, 2016 Share Posted May 11, 2016 EMT-P for 10 years and on a flight crew for 8. I agree with the smaller children, but I also had a call to roll-over with injuries and it was my co-paramedic and she said, "Don't let me die." Her injuries were sustainable, but on the flight to Cook County, less than 15 minutes she bottomed out, pulled her IV's out and we couldn't get them back in so we lost her in route. Another case was a husband drunk and blacked out and backed his boat into a log and dumped his wife and two kids in the river and we recovered the bodies 18 hours later and for a day and half they sat in our ambulance bay until the sheriff who was the coroner had time to release them. Medical professionals do all they can to make a favorable outcome, but it doesn't always work out that way. My thoughts and prayers are also with you Dr.J...two things in life are guaranteed, birth and death and none Link to comment
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