Totally new here and need some hell

[ash5150]

I am new to this website bu t not the actual idea od infantilism. It started of by me doing an online rp where I played a character who took on the role of being his lover's baby.

I have a girlfriend, we've been together for five years. We both rp on a yaoi website and both consider ourselves bi-gender since some timeTimes we feel more masculine or feminine given a specific day. Well, one day she asked me about my rp since I was responding so frequently.

When I told her, she looked kinda grossed out and basically said that I could rp that idea all I wanted, but that she'd never participate with it. At the time it didn't bother me, but my life has gotten so stressful that creating this mental baby self seems so therapeutic.

I'm in charge of our finances and make sure all the bills get paid on time and do the majority of the cleaning and adding finding a new apartment that's had a whole lot of other issues is just getting to be too much. I've even been getting sick from all this stress.

I just sometimes think it'd be nice to just sit down in a fuzzy set of footie pajamas with a bottle of juice and watch some winnie the pooh and just be the little baby boy I sometimes pretend to be. But I know she'd make fun of me. She scoffs or makes comments if I watch kid shows...even though she loves my little pony...

I just don't know what to do. If I didn't live with her I'd probably go out today and get all that stuff, diapers included. But I do, and I don't know how I'd hide everything or what I'd do if she caught me. I know she loves me with all her heart, it'd just be nice if I got to be the one taken care of for once.

Oh, and to top it all off, I work as a beauty advisor for a drug store and the section that I'm in charge of organizing and ordering for is the feminine needs and baby isle! It's like temptation and mockery all at once. I'm not sure what to do. If anyone has any advice or suggestions, it'd be greatly appreciated.

[WakkoWannaBe]

Two things come to mind:

[Dill_Pickle]

Wakko

If your meditations worked, and left you relaxed, you weren't doing them wrong. Different schools of meditation do it different ways, with martial arts schools such as T'ai Chi Chuan all doing various rituals in motion, requiring all else to be excluded, so what you were doing actually sounds pretty similar.

HealthyJourneys website, recommended by my GP, has sold me a very nice meditation CD I like called energy awareness meditation, by Sudhir Jonatan Foust. Your GP may also be able to point you at a shambhala ( awareness meditation). You may need to try several of these Techniques, including Wakko's, on for size to find the right one for YOU.

To Wakko's advice I would add that my wife does not like my diapers, but she doesn't seem to mind cuddling me when we are in bed for the night, and that is certainly something to ask your partner for. You might also try kissing her breasts and seeing if that feels good to her.

Finally, you both ought to do some RP together..I Promise you in-person is best!