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My partner is a DL, Need advice


needadvice

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I respectfully couldn't disagree more with the previous poster. It is not your responsibility to try and be a DL nor is it fair to you to have to try and be a DL. The only person who can say why your boyfriend won't open up to you is your boyfriend. You are being open and are being supportive and that is all that can reasonably be expected of you.

Offering your support and opportunities to talk is important but you can't make him talk. I'm a big proponent of communication before action. Some people may suggest surprising him by wearing a diaper; however, if he is that embarrassed right now that surprise may backfire or have unintended consequences. Continue to try and open dialogue and hopefully he will open up in return.

Snugglebear

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Only you know the exact situation between you two and how you approach this is up to you and should be based on that. Most definitely be accepting- I think you already are- and don't be pushy ;) You might give him an Amazon gift card explaining that it's for him to use on something 'diapers' and that you hope he will share something about that with you soon :D If he hasn't looked there, he's going to be surprised at the selection :D and if he has, he will certainly appreciate your insight into where the good adult diaper shopping happens at :thumbsup: If he's got a birthday coming up get him a card with something with diapers shown on it. If you think it wise and if you want to try them yourself, you can surprise him by being in one- but if he's really nervous about this part of himself that may scare him off- again only you can make that decision well based on how you know him.

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Except for BettyP, I think the responses above are off-point. You can wear diapers for your partner, but if you aren't already attracted, you will need your partner's positive reaction to get turned on by the lifeless bits of colored plastic and fiber around your middle.

Remember that being gay and being open-minded and accepting yoursef are often disconnected -- some prominent anti-gay congresscritters getting arrested in airports for soliciting gay sex makes the point. I hope you are also too young to remember being afraid to reveal your true sexual orientation.

I think these kinds of things may be going on with your partner over his diaper desires...maybe he is even in a purge cycle where he put all his diaper stuff away, disgusted with himself and certain that you, too, are dsgusted. The general experience of this site is that a purge will be followed by a binge, because whatever drives the behavior in the first place never goes away and cannot be satisfied any other way or substituted for.

Now, at the risk of speculating wildly and incorrectly (YMMV, take with salt!, grin), your partner is very afraid of your reaction and words just won't do the job of reassuring him of your acceptance. You need your actions to tell him. This might be because he has been abused, or rejected before, or betrayed over some aspect of his sexuality. It might also be because the diaper aspect worries him.

Besides sending him to read up here, where many have learned just how normal our fixations are, or Savage on Sex, where he can read columns on a variety of kinks, perhaps by leaving up web pages on a computer, you need to do things that re-assure him that you aren't going to out him later and want his diaper aspects around. Putting a diaper on him, if he will accept that, or on yourself so he finds out, like when you join him in bed, seem to be the strongest methods. Wearing ourself means you get outed if you out him, and therefore share the social risk with him. If he is more skittish, then make good diapers appear to him in your abode, but discreetly, so guests don't find out. Or you can find some diapers you think he would like online, and then ask him for help choosing them, and order some for discreet delivery.

Now, please don't destroy my pet theory by bringing it into contact with reality!! Lol

Edited to add: Going, as couple to a psychologist or LCSW or other licensed professional counselor, done properly, might also help your partner accept himself...I can tell you that my shrinks have universally ignored my diapering, as I have much more important things, like depression, to worry about. But me saying that isn't going to convince your partner; he will probably have to find that out for himself in person.

Edited by Dill_Pickle
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  • 2 weeks later...

Given that you found out about this side of him from someone else and that he himself wasn't the person to tell you, I'd say that a feeling of exposure and embarrassment is shaking him to the core right now. I know that sounds dramatic, but this fetish is very privileged info.

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  • 1 month later...

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