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The Psychology Behind Incontinence Desire


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For me, there are two parts to this.  Part one is that my body is falling apart like I am losing the control of my bowels.  And I know my #1 is like losing it as well.  So the desire to wear full time comes from wanting clean clothing and all sorts of other stuff.

For part two though I been a DL for more than 30 years and though I do enjoy wearing diapers from the beginning of my life of Diaper love.  Up until a few years ago could say 10 or so it was just wearing here and there did not care for the full-time part.  But as the years go by and I think about it the draw came to me as anything else I have with my diaper love.  The feeling of security the knowing I am able to keep wearing them and no one can say a darn thing to me. 

Though before a week or so ago I was just a Normal DL who loves his diapers.  Then I started to think back to the days of when I was diapered and discovered I may indeed be an AB I have really thought it over and decided that it may be I am an AB and that draws a different feeling in me.

So now I have like 3 reasons why I want to be incontinent and move forward with my life.  Though I got to touch on another part my mental health.

My Mental health right now is not healthy it sucks most days I suck at everything and I mean everything.  Though I do have my good days I believe that when I am diapered I feel much better about my life then when I am not.  It helps me with my depression my anxiety and stress.  I am not sure how it helps but I do know it does.

I recently talked to my therapist about my diapers and how they help me though I believe that I will be talking to him more about it as I am still not sure how it helps with coping with those disorders.

Thank you for reading.

I did not want to have a long post.

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  • 1 month later...

I started wearing diapers a few years ago, mostly when I have some privacy.  I don't really have a need for them.  I love wearing them.  I leak occasionally but can control it by finding a bathroom quickly.  I've thought about training myself to be incontinent but never got very far.  Sure I would like to have use diapers all the time but it just seems like a huge life style change and commitment to do so.  I guess that keeps me from doing it.  Advancing age may bring incontinence and I think I would be ok with that.

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After reading all this post my question goes back to Baby Lily Luna who started this thread and hopefully still read it: After doing 6.5 years of studies in this - what ist the outcome? Unfortunatly you did't say much about the conclusions you draw. So this makes me curios - what is _your_ conclusion about all this?

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Hi,

after writing something about myself in a couple of posts before I just wont to share also research approach on this issue (yes I also pretty curious to find out more about myself ;-) ).

I think to get a more scientific view to the underlying reasons my first step was be to identify the psychological drivers, that may trigger the intention of become a IC. I think these drivers are more or less the same as those that are responsible for _some_ of us being a AB/DL.

So lets start with potential psychological drivers:

Regression:

The use of a defence mechanism that where useful in the early childhood to reduce anxieties.

Addiction (Escape theory):

The intention to escape from the reality and there problems and/or the intention to dampen own (bad) feelings or the influence of a problematic environment.

Addiction (Addiction theory):

The hope to satisfy deep desires that can not be satisfied otherwise.

Fetish:

In this term a sexual obsession on items (in this case diapers) that are used as helper for sexual practices.

Fetisch (Body Image):

Extended view of the the traditional fetish theory (Freud), that doesn’t reduce the fetish to a sexual identity. In this scope fetish is a function to stabilise a disturbed body image and the underlying anxieties.

Imprint: see babykeiff post in this thread

Maybe you find some more :-)…

 

I think the most prominent drivers for the wish to become IC are be probably fetish and regression. With all of the drivers you can also setup a simple matrix that may help to classify the different characteristics of our community (just a starting point maybe some of the crosses are wrong…):

matrix.png.386da4bffc9d56d7b4b140aab2b5e7cc.png

More over - as already written in other posts all of these drivers will most likely stay over the lifetime. So there’s no hope that something „grow out“. There may be some chances to find a sublimation while doing a therapy but I think the chances are rare - especially if the driver is a sexual fetish. If the driver is regression a trauma therapy might help and the chances of success are maybe a bit better.   

How ever - maybe this knowledge help someone to start it’s own search for roots of the desire - and at last for me I can say it’s still an thrilling experience.

By the way - one of of my newest insight came from reading the posts from Bettypooh (hopfully I catch you right)… I always wondered why a lot of DL’s in this community stated that say become a DL in an later age. That doesn’t fit into my understanding the fetish. Meanwhile think I found a last one explanation: It seems that in some cases the fetish itself was already there since the early childhood - but was  sublimate or overshadowed by other things and comes out if there was no need anymore to cover it (e.g. because of a beginning IC).

 

 

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9 minutes ago, mick_dl said:

Well, then obvisusly some drivers are missing :-). Maybe you can help to add them?

I'm not sure I can add to it at all other than I looked at my situation and how I feel verses what was listed and I don't fit into them. I will say that I don't really think about it at all as i view it as natural with nothing deep seeded.

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1 hour ago, mick_dl said:

Well, then obvisusly some drivers are missing :-). Maybe you can help to add them?

I'm not sure if you need to add many more, because it not supposed to explain 100% of everything that drives us to these desires.    And in such a thing- it's best to keep the options vague and broad, because in reality there are infinite variations on how that affects each and every one of us.

As part of my job, I always look at the function of a behavior.  No matter what we do, there is a function to that behavior and the simpler the terms are to explain that function the better the assessment is.  It sounds counter=intuitive, but we don't want to delve too much into the weeds.   Functions of behavior usually come down to three things: escape, attention, pleasure.   In simplistic terms- the sole function of masturbation is pleasure.   If feels good, so we do it.

The drivers you list are an extension of those three basic functions.   Regress and addiction fit into the escape section.  The humiliation desire can be attributed to a desire for attention, and the fetish is to aid the pleasure sense that an organism produces.

Obviously, each one of us has a completely unique profile, and what triggers my desire may be abhorrent to somebody else.  In my case- I'm primarily driven by a regression that is a form of escape, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit diapers aided in the pleasure.   I have fantasies of humiliation, but since I have no real desire for them to become true- I would say attention/addiction is not a strong driver.

I can't think of any broad terms that would describe any other drivers.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I found an article in a medical journal a number of years ago. It was written by three psychologist for they had a couple of so called “clients” whom reached out for help as they were diagnosed with infantilism in the end. Personally I found it a good and solid piece, it helped me putting things in perspective to a certain extent. They addressed a number of facts regarding infantilism such as there are basically two main steams AB and DL and it can be found in people of all ages. It can be found under both the male and female population although the majority is male. They tried to categorize infantilism but after identifying the two mainstreams and that it can be found both under males and females they had to give up simply because it was as diverse as the worlds population. I think they have a valid point there. For sure there are numerous things we share and recognize amongst other members, but I belief we all differ as it comes to our desires and the way we life them.

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dlnoir,

it is a valid observation that a high percentage of AB/DL community is male. This, I have found due to the sexual arousal some males get from a warm wet and/or messy diaper. Female arousal zones are not that exposed to a diaper. 

That fact creates the question 'why are there female AB/DLs?' As been not female, I do not have the answer but it can't simply be arousal. As a result AB/DL is not a fetish. 

Why are people in general attracted to diapers and/or baby play. Earlier I identified it as a regression and/or a coping mechanism - a way to assert independance / individuality. That can't be correct otherwise we would be exibitionists. Some are, but in general, the community are closet AB/DL.

I strongly suspect it is a means we have to control others. A chronological baby is demanding, selfish, controlling and monopolises the time of those who care for it. Can we say that of AB/DLs or are we on general quiet, timid and unobtrusive. A high proportion of AB/DLs are high achievers both from a business perspective and acedemically. Is AB/DL behavior simply an intelligent stress relief mechanism where the side effects - waddle, possible diaper rash and maybe exposure is all within the control of the AB/DL. 

Therefore, the conclusion of the AB is that this behaviour of mine, and that of others is part of us trying to control what is essentially, uncontrollable. The regression removes the everyday stress created by our percieved stupidity and/or laziness of others... and the baby behaviour is us trying to control others - as we did as a chronological baby. The quandry this creates is that in our mind we can create the fantasy, but in reality life is not as we fantazize. We hope for the instant switch to and from incontinence in the wish that others accept us as a baby and sate our fantasy, yet we know this does not exist. Are we fools? A fool repeats the same thing expecting a different result? We know better yet still try. Why? The chronologically older we get, the more 'risk' we try to gain that acceptance of others. The world accept a diaper dependant and infantile behaving over p60/70 year old. Is that our goal?

The more I analyse the AB/DL behaviour and action, the more questions I have and can't find an answer. Is it simply beyond our comprehention to understand our behaviour. A baby does not query its behaviour. We know that a baby sates a need when it occurs. Do we do same. The baby we mimic does not question... should we just do same, accept ourselves for what we are, and sate whatever need as it arises without question?

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Hi babykeiff

I think it's a bit to easy to reduce the context of AB/DL and gender to the arousal zones. I think this might be one explanation - but most likely not the only one. Unfortunately we are just at the very beginning of a gender specific medicine and psychology. Most of the theories we know where developed by men and so they are somehow "men specific". This starts with Freund and ends with the hormone system. If you try to find academic publication about fetisch end gender will end up with more or less nothing - or at last nothing reliable. If you dive deeper into this you may notice that even the term "fetish" seems to have sometimes different meanings for men and women.  

I think maybe we have to add to the three generic drivers from spark (escape, attention, pleasure) an other one: Replication. I'm pretty sure, that this is something important if it comes to gender and fetish, because this wish or desire is something that might work complete different in the mind of a women or a man. I think - in general  women are not that often affected by sexual fetish's then men. It might be that "Replication" is a strong counterpart that help to balance the other three functions of behavior because this is a essential part of the being of a women and it might be one reason why women seems to have better mechanism to balance these functions then men - at last if it comes to development of a sexual fetish. 

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mick_dl,

I identified and dismissed sexual arousal as a reason for infantilism. I also state that due to same, infantilism is NOT a fetish. It could be possible that male infantilism is a fetish, but that would make male infantilism different from female infantilism. Life is simply not that complicated. Infantilism reason is gender independant.

Following your line of thinking, babies would never learn to walk - where is the pleasure? A baby falls more times than not in its attempt to balance and walk. Simply, it is an intrinsic need to mimic others driven by a survial and growth need. Babies learn from copying what they observe - a drive to comply to the behaviour of their species. This is a survival instinct - something that in the wild, we have to comply to behaviour of our own species for the group protection against a predetor.  Yet, babies try to assert their individuality from birth. Again, following your line of thinking - where is the pleasure? 

We, as humans, are simple and predictable - as is our choices and behaviour. We learn how to act from mimicing those around us. Every AB/DL can remember the stereotypical image of a baby, and for some of us, we can recall what baby / diaper image that we percieve was the trigger that started the path towards AB/DL. Actually, that image was not the trigger but rather the reminder of the AB/DL feeling that we had / learnt to mimic much earlier in our life.

I suspect, due to each of our actions being a learnt response, AB/DL tendencies must be a learnt responce, we were taught, in some form, to behave this way.

Primates match our DNA and behaviour and learning process and curve. A monkey that grows up in the sole company of humans have most of our behaviours. The cost is that that monkey looses it survival skills needed in the wild.

Due to this, it is feasable that some monkeys have AB/DL tendincies however; without the standard tells - diaper / baby clothes/pacifier, how do we prove and/or disprove this?

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I think we can over analyse our personal behaviours for ever and a day and no two "professionals" would draw the same conclusion to what drew the individual to AB/DL. For me I believe that before I accepted I was gay I made an effort to overly disguise my true identity acting in an overly macho/hetro way whlst deep down knowing I was a gay sub. The gay sub side of me gets turned on by humiliation for some reason and after initially experimenting with diaper wearing got very aroused by the feeling of a wet diaper. Initially I would soon masturbate into the diaper and then remove it. Over time the feeling of wearing the diaper became less aroousing but the humiliation aspect (would someone see me wearing it and laugh etc) became the turn-on. This gradually grew into what I deemed to be the ultimate humiliation of not being able to control my bladder and ultimately my bowels either. After a number of false starts I've now been wearing 24/7 for approximately three months with an aim of achieving dual IC. Thankfully I have a very supportive partner who acts as my lover/coach/comforter, so my goal is still in sight. I do also still get turned-on by the potential humiliation of someone seeing the top of a diaper or the larger bulge from a heavy one as I go about my daily life.

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I think the current discussion might be applicable to AB's but not so much DL's. As noted, RL babies do crave attention, perhaps as a method of controlling others but DL's don't get that kind of benefit as our wearing can't really control anyone but ourselves. And yes, there's a definite bias in any kind of research or diagnosis since we all are going to see things from our own perspective first and foremost before considering other perspectives. Kind of impossible for one person to do anything else. Better would be a "team" approach but that also has it's own problems as we're socially wired to agree and accept more than to reject someone else's position. We question whether we should speak out when we disagree, and that stifles some of our input when we're in a "team" atmosphere. I guess there's no really good answer to that dilemma.

It's a rare person who does not want or try to control others. I try my best to be that kind of person after having experienced a distaste for the world's "manipulative" sorts. It's given me some insight in seeing how that most of us are being manipulated, who is doing it, and how they are achieving their goals. Some manipulators don't even see what they are doing or have a clue as to why they're doing it. I have also chosen to not become one of the manipulated as much as I can. It's far more widespread and runs deeper than most folks would believe, leading to counter-manipulation, counter-counter manipulation and so on in an endless loop. But that's a topic for elsewhere - I mentioned it only to show how it's presence is more common in AB than DL.

We do tend to reject the parts of ourselves which we do not want, oftentimes exhibiting the exact opposite behavior in an effort to convince ourselves that we aren't like that; we certainly don't want the world seeing us that way. But in the end that's futility- we will either fail in our attempts to be what we're not or we'll eventually give in to the reality of who we are. Better to learn and know yourself then figure out how to make that work in your life. Which isn't always easy.

We're diverse. We're meant to be this way. There's really no way we can always know what's behind our being ABDL; only that it isn't going to apply to everyone.

Bettypooh

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/19/2018 at 11:47 AM, Bettypooh said:

I think the current discussion might be applicable to AB's but not so much DL's.

 

Bettypooh,

there are some parts of this discussion that suit the AB, or the 'soft' side or internal drive of a baby - ie the desire to be fed / held / cuddled, the softness of a blankie / plushie / oral satisfaction of a paci etc, the messy face / hands after being fed (and there are lots more) but from a top-down perspective, the AB is sating a want that they percieve that they need. When one looks at the DL, it is also a feeling that is being addressed - the bulk of the diaper as it spreads their legs, the noise and its smell. For each, an AB and a DL, these are all 'triggers' - they feed to the mind and create the relevant image and feeling.

Each are infantalists trying to relive a feeling / time period in their life / emotion that their brain wants. The question here is WHY.

One can state that a DL uses the diaper as a sexual trigger to enhance arousal, and /or an AB wets / messes a diaper to do same  - but that is more male dominated than female dominated. One can state that a AB seeks infant based attention to regress - again that is more female dominated than male. Previous posts identify regression and/or stress relief as reason. For some, that is true, but not for all. There is the third sub-groub, the incontinent. Some are also infantilist, and some of these people use regression behaviour to attempt to classify themselves.

This raises a very pertinant question - why do we need to classify ourselves? What is so important in belonging to a group? If you really need that answered, we belong to a group that sometimes and/or always wear diapers. Some of us wet them. Some of us mess in them. Some of us masterbate in them. Where is the complication in that?

We are all unique, and yet we are all the same. We here, are all humans that wear diapers for our own reasons.

  • Do we know the reason we are human? - NO.
  • Is the reason important? NO.
  • Do AB's know the reason that they like 'baby' things? NO
  • Is the reason important? NO.
  • Do AB's know the reason that they like to wear diapers? NO
  • Is the reason important? NO.
  • Do some IC's know the reason that they like 'baby' things? NO
  • Is the reason important? NO.
  • Do ICs know the reason that they wear diapers? YES
  • Is the reason important? Not really. It is just a underwear choice.
  • Do DLs know the reason that they like to wear diapers? NO
  • Is the reason important? NO.

As seen from this thread, we all have our own opinions (free will) and choices (free choice) to do as we wish WITHOUT explaination.

As already mentioned as reasons

  • fetishism
  • regression
  • controlling our environment
  • imprint
  • stress relief / escapism
  • perception of self / attempting to comply to others wishes / acceptance

These individually fail, as a reason, when one investigates them. Also, each is a learnt response. Did we, as infantilists, learn things wrong? Many groups look on us with distain, yet where is the equality and acceptance? Where is free choice and free will?

As already stated, each choice made creates the question "why?" The full and simple answer is there is NO answer that we can understand but acceptance. We need to accept ourselves for ourselves.

It is beyond our ability to understand why we are what we are without dedicating ones life to seeking out the reason for our life choices. I personally think that would be a futile waste of life - to spend the only life we have answering the reason for a life choice. Life is here to be enjoyed, not contemplated. Why not enjoy it?

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Lots of long and in-depth replies that are all enjoyable to read. And the beauty of it is that all of the ideas here are right and all of the ideas are wrong. We cannot be grouped fully because each of us are different.

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4 hours ago, babykeiff said:

Each are infantalists trying to relive a feeling / time period in their life / emotion that their brain wants. The question here is WHY. 

...

This raises a very pertinant question - why do we need to classify ourselves? What is so important in belonging to a group? If you really need that answered, we belong to a group that sometimes and/or always wear diapers. Some of us wet them. Some of us mess in them. Some of us masterbate in them. Where is the complication in that?

...

As already stated, each choice made creates the question "why?" The full and simple answer is there is NO answer that we can understand but acceptance. We need to accept ourselves for ourselves.

It is beyond our ability to understand why we are what we are without dedicating ones life to seeking out the reason for our life choices. I personally think that would be a futile waste of life - to spend the only life we have answering the reason for a life choice. Life is here to be enjoyed, not contemplated. Why not enjoy it?

I can just talk for myself - I have no interest in classifying people or myself but I have a big interest to understand my desires. This is not that big thing to understand what or why we are - it's just to understand when and why I do what. This is not a religion but simply psychology and self-awareness. 

So I can just say that this discussion give me some new interesting insides to think over and it helped me to get also a better picture from myself.

 

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