The Psychology Behind Incontinence Desire

[Baby Lily Luna]

I have been meaning to make a post on this subject for quite a while but haven't gotten around to it until now. I notice that a few AB/DLs develop a strong desire to become incontinent or diaper dependent in some form or another. For many younger AB/DLs out there it's a common fantasy that many tend to grow out of. But some out there, myself included, never grow out of that phase and that fantasy gradually becomes a serious consideration of a huge lifestyle change. We all know we have this desire, but I think it would beneficial to understand ourselves better and to know the WHY behind it all. To ask "why are we this way? why do we want to need diapers?" I've spent 6.5 years researching the ins and outs of an incontinent lifestyle and recently begun looking into the psychology behind it and the why of it all.I think I may have theory worked out on why some of us might turn out this way.

[WakkoWannaBe]

I don't know how many ABDLs have a younger sib, but that might have something to do with it for some people. When a new baby comes around and the parents are all focused on the new arrival, it's possible that you might want to be a baby again to get that attention and never grow out of that.

[Baby Lily Luna]

I was an only child for the most part and my half siblings were teens/preteens by the time I was born.

[Eir]

I don't know how many ABDLs have a younger sib, but that might have something to do with it for some people. When a new baby comes around and the parents are all focused on the new arrival, it's possible that you might want to be a baby again to get that attention and never grow out of that.

As the oldest of five cousins, I can vouch for that.

[Nat]

I think asking why someone wants to be incontinent is the same as asking why someone would want to wear diapers. No one really knows why we do this. We can all make guesses all we like to why we do this and why we like it. Why do we like them? Why do we choose this? Why would someone want incontinence? I have seen a thread at adisc called psychology of diapers.

[spark]

In my case, I'm the youngest, and was the youngest of the cousins on one side of our family (really strange family because it was all parent families with no divorces and step cousins).

[PaddedPat]

Interesting theory, but I'm not sure it sufficiently explains the incidence of incontinent desires outside the context of BID susceptibility - which may or may not have a potentially higher prevalence in cases of Autism/Aspergers.

[mahleedl]

I think there are definite similarities between what I feel and BIID and/or gender dysphoria.

[mahleedl]

I applaud your effort, but - IMHO - doing a psychological Root Cause Analysis on 10 different people with these desires would likely produce 10 different results.

[CodHero24]

I know why I want to be incontinent. Because if I was incontinent , it would be a legit reason to wear diapers. (Instead of being classified as a fetish.)

[Bettypooh]

WARNING: Excessively long and over-emoticonned post ahead- proceed at your own risk!

[spark]

Bettypooh;

That was very well said.

[Bettypooh]

I don't think my diapering has affected my own depression, though I have always needed something physical to use as a coping mechanism of sorts to make dealing with it easier. My diapers remind me that I can do things I like doing and I can be myself- and that I have to keep me in mind to be able to successfully fight this In myself I am wondering why the desire seems to be returning, for I need nothing it has to offer and for me it has drawbacks I would rather avoid But knowing isn't feeling, and there is no explaining feelings which sometimes make no sense at all I am at the point of wondering if I will simply stop trying to stay dry and let my body return to what I feel is a more natural state; that of not stopping the flow at any time because it isn't necessary with me being diapered. My night-time dryness shows I can retain urine when I'm not active and I'd rather not need to wear for bedwetting. Maybe the thought of actually needing to wear diapers more than I do now is what is stopping me- I do like to be in control of most things in my life Still I will not fight it if it comes My true desire is 'switchable' continence which is so far unachievable without using some form of cath or stent. I'm not willing to go that far right now though it would be fun to play with at some point If I am to not have control I want it to be done within, not without, be it a true loss of control, retraining my bladder, or hypnosis.

[Dill_Pickle]

You are hereby warned that YMMV -- what I say seems to work with the Dill Pickle and may or may not apply to others. It's also long.

I am a gifted middle child, probably asperger's, probably pushed a bit beyond where I was ready as a young child. As a teenager, I loved diapers, but, like many, was afraid that made me too wierd to accept. Not being accepted is a basic fear I have; I am too different to "fit in" with "normal" people -- I get some hostility from many of my less-gifted peers. As an adult I am an inventor, and a generalist engineer with two patents in widely separated areas of electronics. I got myself into an abusive relationship, into professional psychological help, and out of the abusive relationship when I started thinking about hurting myself -- if my ex ever shows up, call the cops and tell her "No trespassing" -- and get me a ride home, or at least someone I trust to help me recover my equilibrium.

After the ex, I was on DD about a decade ago, got bored, and left, but still occasionally wore diapers. I also had found that my psychological issues, including some depression/anxiety, lifted when I took calcium and vitamin D, after a blood test showed that my vitamin D levels were low. However, last summer, I started having psychological issues again. In the fall, I got sick -- couldn't shake a cold for a week, then had bad stomach problems which still haven't completely resolved. I had a sleep lab done, discovered I had apnea (which is now officially connected with depression and anxiety), and am now feeling much better on a CPAP -- thought I am still trying to make it work optimally. Anxiety and depression in me are greatly reduced.

The drugs for the gut issues (laxatives, psyllium fiber, dicyclomine(gut relaxant), and tamsulosin(external sphincter relaxant), along with Lexapro) have lead to some fecal accidents, usually simply because I am too far away from a bathroom, but more recently with dropping the psyllium, in the form of very small BMs that felt like farts..

For me, diapers make me feel safe. I don't have to worry about whether I'll do something wrong. I claim that is a very early association. They are also "forbidden", though I am overcoming that. "Would you rather I went home to change and didn't come back when I have a problem?" The other crazy aspect of it is I hate to toss padding that hasn't been completely used. I have to remind myself that its OK.

They also make me feel sexy, but much less so than they used to...I've worn them too much. Not that peeing myself in a diaper doesn't feel really good.

Finally, my current shrink has me working on "neurolinguistic programming" -- when I become aware I am anxious or depressed, remind myself explicitly that my feelings (especially of rejection by my loving wife) are out of line with reality, that is I am cueing in things that would be appropriate with my ex, who is no longer on the scene. I also look at whether I am tired.

Good luck on a coherent psychological theory!!!

[Goerge]

I think early

[spark]

You are hereby warned that YMMV -- what I say seems to work with the Dill Pickle and may or may not apply to others. It's also long.

-yadda yadda yadda

Sorry I changed your quote, but want to comment on the whole piece.

[spark]

You are hereby warned that YMMV -- what I say seems to work with the Dill Pickle and may or may not apply to others. It's also long.

-yadda yadda yadda

Sorry I changed your quote, but want to comment on the whole piece.

[mahleedl]

I still wonder as to origins of my desires, but I suspect I always will wonder.

[Baby Lily Luna]

I thought I'd offer my further thoughts on this. Bettypooh mentioned most people who want or think they want incontinence haven't test driven it for a long enough time to know what it's like. For the most part that's true, many newer or at least newly self discovered ABDLs tend to fantasize about being incontinent and for most it ends up being a phase that they eventually grow out of with time and age. However, it looks like me and MDL are 2 of the few who don't grow out of that and where it's not a phase. we never grew out of it and for us, it's a genuine body image dysphoria.

While I admit I have never really test driven 24/7 due to circumstances that prevent me from safely doing so, I can say that what I lack in first-hand experience I would confidently say I make up for in 6.5 years of raw research into just what incontinence would entail. I have studied the ins and outs, the bodily and social consequences, sanitation and clean up, and general best practices for living with incontinence. Hell, I even calculated monthly expenses of diapers and supplies for different brands. Name just about any aspect of incontinence and I could tell you I've studied and researched it extensively. And the thing is I'm learning something new every moment. I've done self researching, and even gotten helpful advice from people who actually are incontinent and are like me in some way or are generally open minded towards transabled. But enough about that.

What I really wanted to add is that another factor could be that me being on the Autism Spectrum, I have some already existing problems anyway that could contribute to incontinence or at least the desire for it. From what I've read and researched bowel and gastro intestinal (GI) issues seem to be common among those on the Autism Spectrum and me being an Aspie am no exception. Those common issues have hit me and they've hit me HARD. Believe it or not it can get very chaotic down there no matter what I eat. Be it bladder or bowel issues, Often times I find I can't sleep all through the night and have to get up somewhere in the middle.

I guess in a sense, incontinence for me at least is my own way of sort of finishing already existing issues that have already started so to speak. Although there are other factors in my desire such as the already mentioned life long coping mechanism for intense psychological trauma. Mainly I feel it's mostly a genuine body image dysphoria for which incontinence or simulated incontinence is the only effective treatment and cure. Anyway I just wanted to add some more insight to my experience.

[sunwutian]

A lot simpler here. Continence is also a lack of control over your body. You have no say in the matter, your body defaults to retaining. Builds pressure, harder to go lying down, can't go at all while asleep so can wake you up at night, requires a conscious effort to release that can result in flooding and increase proneness to leaks.

[Dill_Pickle]

Sorry I changed your quote, but want to comment on the whole piece.

[Bettypooh]

Some more thoughts on this

[Baby Brian]

Bettypooh, I've found we always find a way to live within our means. Get a raise, and you'll likely not see an increase in savings. We stress that if our needed expenses go up yet our income stays the same then we'll be in ruin, yet the opposite is often the case- we still maintain our way of life. Making diaper purchases more important than other expenses like your car or house may be difficult to justify but once you do it you'll find it just becomes another required expense of living.

[mahleedl]

Bettypooh, you give some of the best advice on this board.

[stephrider]

I have read this topic with a lot of attention. Myself too wanted to be incontinent I wear diaper now for just 10 days, at work, home, sport. I able to tell a lot of things about what I think and how is my feeling but I will be very short. I know some depression state may push us to desire something like to damn our self. We think be incontinent can solve some problem, I think that isn't right, if that give us a reason to wear it, that change our mind, habits, and a lot of things. Expense could be higher than $1000