I'Ve Put It Off For Far Too Long. Tomorrow, I'M Coming Out To My Folks - If It'S Sunny.

[ForbiddenFruit]

I've spent a bit over half an hour writing this letter to my mom. Every morning she walks the dog for an hour. While she's out, I'll put this on my memory stick and put it on her computer, bring it on screen, dress and then go for my own run. While I'm out of the house, she can process this a little. I just hope it's sunny, because if not, I'll have to do it on Friday, and if not, then I'll have to do it to both my parents in person, or hold out for some time longer

Mom,

Well, here we are. About 2 months until I start second year. I feel like time’s running out for me. Always has been. Hell, I’m knocking on 20. I think I’m entitled to start feeling old. There’s something I need to tell you, before these two months are up, because I can no longer contain it.

I’m bisexual. Swing both ways, bat for both sides, drink from both taps, call it what you will. Bottom line is that I’m attracted to both sexes, and I’ve been wrestling with this for ages. Little more than a year, perhaps? I only really came to deal with it for myself in Oct / Nov. I had originally planned to have this written and here last week. Last week became Tuesday, Tuesday became Wednesday. But now it’s over, because I can’t hold it in any more. I can’t go back to Galway with this lurking fear forever breathing down my neck.

Don’t ring me. Don’t text. Just read. Please, take it in.

Back in January, I thought I could have held this off until December. Now I know I’m mistaken. I need to clear the air, to be honest with you. For the past two months I’ve felt strained with thinking of this. I can’t particularly blame him, but dad’s teasing was really getting to me. When we were in Spain, I dreaded going to Cheeky Monkey. My nights are haunted by dark dreams, and I can’t ignore the very real prospect of you cutting ties and my college funding and kicking me out. When we saw family on dad’s side up in Galway mere weeks ago, I dreaded the notion that doing what was best for me would end up cutting them off – not to mention your side of the family. All said, I felt like I was suffocating to death in the closet. Clare’s pretty much the only thing that held me together towards the end of April.

Does any of it make any more sense now? The comfort eating? The habitual gum-chewing? Shying away from questions? The misanthropy? The sudden interest in politics? The protracted crying when you came back, terrified I’d never feel a hug like that again?

The fear is pervasive. It laces the air and colours everything around me. It sounds nearly ridiculous to say this, but you couldn’t understand how it feels. You don’t see a massive vocal chunk of the world’s population calling you an ‘abomination’, saying you deserve death, telling you you’re not a real person. You don’t know of those people that indoctrinate children into the same stone age dogma. You don’t have people shouting at you that you made a ‘choice’ to live in fear of the rest of the world. You don’t know what it’s like to fear that your livelihood and career may be dead on arrival because people are fucking idiots. With shouts coming from all sides, I’m constantly reminded that I’m a defective product, on two fronts. And how am I supposed to deal with telling this to a dad whose life could be measured in months? Is this how I want him to think of me?

I know you’ve had to put up with a lot in me, and this adds to it. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be. But remember this: I’m the same person. I’m your son. I’m still the highly intelligent worrywart with more passion than sense. Don’t hate me for this, for something I can’t control. If you must, hate me for refusing to grow up. Hate me for not being there. Hate me for snapping under pressure.

I don’t want you to bend over backwards for this. I don’t wish to be treated much different. All I want to know is that you’ll still stand by me, your son who truly loves you (though I’ll admit, between my view of humanity and struggling to get this out, I’ve got a damn funny way of showing it).

Again, don’t call. Don’t text. Don’t contact dad. I’m going for a longer run, hoping for an hour and a half, to let you process this while I’m out. I’ll be back soon, mom, and I’m going to be the same person walking back in through that front door.

I love you.

Now, my ears are ringing. I've started, so I should finish. It won't help me to back out if I get my chance to go through with this tomorrow. Being closeted isn't viable for me any more, for the sake of my own health, a lack of pride and the guilt of lying. I need this out of the way.

[LilFozzyJ5]

good luck lil fella, be brave.

[Honu]

Your intelligence and education are apparent in your letter. While she may not be happy about the message, or not hearing it straight from you, I can't even imagine her rejecting you. Please let us know how this goes. Oh yeah, if you haven't run over an hour before, take water or plan a couple of water stops and bring some carb replenishment with you. Take it after the first hour, okay? I've trained for marathons in the last couple of years and a 90 minute run can be done without injury if you stay hydrated and energized.

Good luck!

[RainbowDood]

*Raises glass*

Here's to you and your enormous pair of brass ones. What you're doing, most people won't be confronted with a choice like this in their lifetime and no matter how they take it, you should feel genuinely feel proud of yourself for having the courage to say/write something that will change your life so profoundly.

Please keep us posted- we're all rooting for you.

[Eir]

Hugs Fruit.

I can give you a virtual shoulder to cry on if your mother reacts badly.

But I cannot pay for your education if that goes south.

I once told my folks that I felt that I was also feminine, I was sent to a clerical councilor.

My mother believed that she was doing me a huge favor.

And quite possibly, that she may have either saved my salvation or my assurance of it.

If I did not go to the councilor and keep my gender issues under wraps, there is no telling what would have happened.

I know she believes it is wrong to enable someone whose values she does not support.

She may have kicked me out, or at least threatened to.

My bigender issues are changing. The other persona has blended into me more and more.

I cannot tell anyone in my immediate family that I am a naturist.

My mother especially has strong opinions of nudity, that it's a sin. (A view I disagree with)

Telling her would not go well in any sense, it would be my opinion verses the book.

If I did not come around, I would become a person who doesn't share her values.

Meaning of course, that conversations would be too polite, contact would be limited.

Even worse it would be if I tell her that naturism was God's idea for me.

Fruit, I respect you for wanting to come clean with her, but it may not be the best idea

to jeapordise her support prematurely.

[Bettypooh]

Good luck with this and I hope it goes well I remember the fear and worry I felt before coming out as TG. How do you tell your closest family who have known you all your life that you are not what anyone thought you were and that you couldn't live a lie any longer? When you can't live the lie any more you do what you have to do, and it's rarely easy but you'll find that it frees your spirit from the shackles it's been in. It's the difference between living and just staying alive if you can understand that. One song lyric I cannot forget about someone's situation is "It's not life, just living" and that is perhaps the saddest thing that can happen to anyone We're meant to be happy, to find our own way, and to not have to hide who we really are so deeply that it becomes a problem to us. The joy and brilliance each of us are supposed to bring into this world will not do us any good if we hide it, and if we can't be good for ourself we can't be good for anyone else either. In this you will find freedom, and along with that I hope you find peace and more love than you knew was there too.

Bettypooh

[babymarie123]

Hey fruity,

I hope everything goes well. the letter is good by the way.

Sending hugs and good lucks

marie

[Elfy]

Good luck and good idea with the letter.

Hope to hear everything went really well soon!

[Repaid1]

Standing by for you, and with you my friend. If it's time for you to speak out about your feelings then it's time for your family to understand that you are you, and will always be their son. May this help you to move forward with your life, and all the happiness it provides. My Best to you!.

[Lokken]

This shouldn't have to be this big a deal really..

[Bettypooh]

This shouldn't have to be this big a deal really..

Lots of things "shouldn't be" but sometimes are anyway, and we've got to deal with them all as best we can Each person has to handle their life in their own way, and I support all of those trying to go forward toward a better life

Bettypooh

[ForbiddenFruit]

Apologies for the radio silence everyone.

Could've gone better but it could have gone waaaaaaaaay worse.

it was raining, so my mom came back half an hour early, before I'd put the thing on her laptop. So, frustrated, I just went for a run in the drizzle, came back in, plonked down, sucked it up and sent it to her via email while she was on the opposite side of the house. I listened and kind of felt hurt when she kept on watching TV and I heard her unloading the dishwasher. I just kept sitting, playing my game.

When she did come in she was crying. I didn't know why. Was it my wording, or did she hate me?

She told me she loves me no matter what. I was overjoyed

She told my dad for me that evening with the letter, I got a similar response from him (plus a mini-lecture-of-sorts going on about having yet to have a relationship, was more bleh than annoyed) and at least, well, it's over.

Nothing much has changed, and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way thanks for your support everyone!

[Diapered_in_NY]

Congrats and glad it with smoothly for you! I remember coming out to my parents and it was much the same with my mother. It was kind of funny because her response was on the lines of "I already know." My dad on the other hand ... he kept insisting that I just hadn't found the right girl. His next question was "What do you look for in a guy that is so different?" My response to him was "Don't worry dad, it's not you!"

This got a few chuckles, but for the next 8-12 months, he always insisted I just needed to find the right girl and I would be happy. Finally that stopped, he met my boyfriend, now fiance, and while he didn't say it in person, he did approve and was glad I am finally genuinely happy.

[Sigma117]

Glad to hear it went well for you, it's always nice to hear parents are accepting as opposed to getting worked up about that kinda thing. My parents were much the same, heck my sister guessed and half of my friends knew before I told them ^^

[Bettypooh]

Bettypooh

[Eir]

Glad to hear it went well for you, it's always nice to hear parents are accepting as opposed to getting worked up about that kinda thing. My parents were much the same, heck my sister guessed and half of my friends knew before I told them ^^

You have great fortune! My mother and sister would never understand. They would refuse to seperate the innocent part of AB, the comfort, the desire for acceptance, from the parts that are clearly sexual, the out of control fantasies, etc. They would take the position that even though wearing and drinking wakeup babas are innocent and bring me comfort, they are inexorably linked to the sexual parts of AB. Because it is contaminated, I am in the wrong for indulging in them. Prince Charles could join the Irish Republican Army with less grief.

[Sigma117]

You have great fortune! My mother and sister would never understand. They would refuse to seperate the innocent part of AB, the comfort, the desire for acceptance, from the parts that are clearly sexual, the out of control fantasies, etc. They would take the position that even though wearing and drinking wakeup babas are innocent and bring me comfort, they are inexorably linked to the sexual parts of AB. Because it is contaminated, I am in the wrong for indulging in them. Prince Charles could join the Irish Republican Army with less grief.

o.o

I meant my coming out as Bi to family/friends ^^"

I'd very much like for them not to know about my DL side for the reason's you've given~

[Eir]

o.o

I meant my coming out as Bi to family/friends ^^"

I'd very much like for them not to know about my DL side for the reason's you've given~

On the other hand, I was sent to a clerical councilor when I clumsily tried to come out as bigendered. Apparently, my soul was in serious danger..... I told them that I felt like I also felt feminine inside. That went over well. Not. I learned to keep certain things to myself. The 'feminine' persona enjoys taking pleasure in the absurd. Long walks in the rain, late night sprinkler runs, from time to time dancing naked while cleaning the kitchen. Now that I live on my own, I have seriously pondered getting a closed apron and using it as a kitchen dress.

[Guest Sasha]

Right on, Fruity!