Transgender Baby?!

[Kanji]

Its been a long time coming, and I've told alot of people already, but I feel like I haven't made a statement until I've taken some time to introduce myself to everyone as a transgender. As stupid as that may sound. Its actually a step in the direction of being a generally braver person, hopefully being able to tell my family one day that the boy that grew up in their eyes was just an illusion.

Storywise there's really not much to tell, I grew up in a small town. I wasn't really outcast since in those days there was no importance to gender and I often played with girls as much as I played with boys. However as we all began to hit puberty I started to feel a void between the two growing with me in the middle. Boys began to do activities that I found no interest in, as well I started to empathize with them less. Girls however I could talk to, but I felt different from them physically. At first I thought perhaps I was just gay (As it turns out I'm bi.) but then after some research I found out I was actually a Transgender.

Nearly four years later I haven't really told anyone, even on the internet. Finally after a breakdown of depression I realized that keeping all this bottled up wasn't healthy and began to assume my role as a transgender. However I've been scared to bring it out, I was about ready too, but I moved to Idaho which doesn't really have much of a gay community whereas San Francisco flourished with people who understood. Now I'm back at square one trying to build myself up again by ranting here.

Anyway, its not much and I don't really expect comments. But thanks for reading if you did.

[rickibrat2]

we are what we are have no problem with you being trans have know a lot of people with those same feeling about being in whe wrong body

[Dill_Pickle]

Its been a long time coming, and I've told alot of people already, but I feel like I haven't made a statement Nearly four years later I haven't really told anyone, even on the internet. Finally after a breakdown of depression I realized that keeping all this bottled up wasn't healthy and began to assume my role as a transgender. However I've been scared to bring it out, I was about ready too, but I moved to Idaho which doesn't really have much of a gay community whereas San Francisco flourished with people who understood. Now I'm back at square one trying to build myself up again by ranting here.

Anyway, its not much and I don't really expect comments. But thanks for reading if you did.

Kanji,

You aren't even the first TG person on chat...that's how Gary & Jenny got the name....and he has precisely the same problems of an environment that is just so understanding of his situation...he's in TX, I think...

I'll add one more here: You shouldn't feel the need to "fit" into any particular label when you are here...AB/DL is just a convenient label for "doesn't mind diaper play"...anyway, hope to see you in chat.

Dill Pickle

[diaprbayb]

Kanji,

You aren't even the first TG person on chat...that's how Gary & Jenny got the name....and he has precisely the same problems of an environment that is just so understanding of his situation...he's in TX, I think...

I'll add one more here: You shouldn't feel the need to "fit" into any particular label when you are here...AB/DL is just a convenient label for "doesn't mind diaper play"...anyway, hope to see you in chat.

Dill Pickle

Woe woewoe, What's the matter with you? You got a bad rash or what?

Where did this come from? Grouch!

[Kanji]

Woe woewoe, What's the matter with you? You got a bad rash or what?

Where did this come from? Grouch!

Whatever, it doesn't bother me... Its technically not true since I identified myself as a Transgender first and Jenny came to me about it. But whatever, let the records show that she's actually the first and I'm just a poser who spilled my heart for no reason at all.

This is the reason why I'm a jerk in the chatrooms.

[BabySarahTS]

Anyway, its not much and I don't really expect comments. But thanks for reading if you did.

You're not alone.

I've been dealing with gender issues for the last 22 years or so, had one unsucessful transition attempt, and am trying it again. I've just started to explore my AB side, and only recently joined this site.

...It's late, and I forgot where I was going with this. Drat.

Anyhow, if you ever need to blow off steam, I'm here to listen.

[dlsmd]

my personal felling is that u r what u r and if it makes u feel better THEN DO ITso have fun kanji

[Kanji]

You're not alone.

I've been dealing with gender issues for the last 22 years or so, had one unsucessful transition attempt, and am trying it again. I've just started to explore my AB side, and only recently joined this site.

...It's late, and I forgot where I was going with this. Drat.

Anyhow, if you ever need to blow off steam, I'm here to listen.

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

I've wondered about people who realized in the prepubic state, its always been kind of interesting because I theorize that the feelings are usually stronger. I hope the transition goes good for you, it'll be another two years or so before I'm even able to start thinking about it I think.

For the rest of you, I realize that the theory of "You are who you are" applies. But it wasn't really the point of the message to question the situation of being transgender. I already know who I am, the point is to let others know who I am. I mean this isn't just some kink that I can keep in the bedroom, this is an actual lifestyle, this is on par with being gay or bisexual. Someone is bound to notice if I start wearing dresses and getting cosmetic surgery or taking hormone replacements.

Eh, but what am I worried right now, don't even have the balls to tell anyone in my real life...

[rickibrat2]

also here if you need to talk to any one while I am not transgender still have a good understand of what afew friends have gone thought

rickibrat2_@aol.com [remove _ TO SEND MAIL]

[BabySarahTS]

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

I've wondered about people who realized in the prepubic state, its always been kind of interesting because I theorize that the feelings are usually stronger. I hope the transition goes good for you, it'll be another two years or so before I'm even able to start thinking about it I think.

Yah. I was convinced during childhood (even after I knew better) that I would somehow grow up to be a girl. I am intersexed as well (though I was never told and only found out about 2 years ago) and it still amazes me that I took all of my differences in stride. I always thought that the school sex-ed films were lying, because I knew that some boys (or boy-bodied people) like myself had clitoreses.

I tried to transition once at 19 as well and had a huge crisis of faith and stopped for a while.

Thanks for the well-wishing, and I hope things go well for you in this regard as well.

If you don't mind discussing it here, why will it be another 2 years before you can do anything about it?

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Hi Kanji,

I don't normally get to this forum, so sorry for the late reply.

I really don't have any special insight on what you are going through, but I do want to share this with you.

Since joining this site, I have a new appreciation for others, like me, trying to express their true identity. I spent over 30 years fighting my inner feelings and never told anyone about my DL lifestyle. In-fact, I didn't even know I was a DL until I was around 40. I too got very depressed at times and I would have given anything short of my life to have someone in my life that would understand and accept me for who I was. At 43, I finally found the right person, told her about my lifestyle, and now we are engaged. Things are finally working out for me, but it was a long and lonely road to walk for many years.

You have friends here Kanji, people that will support you in finding your path in life. My only advice is that you don't walk this difficult path alone. Embrace whatever path is before you and allow others to walk with you, step by step.

[Gennie]

Its been a long time coming, and I've told alot of people already, but I feel like I haven't made a statement until I've taken some time to introduce myself to everyone as a transgender. As stupid as that may sound. Its actually a step in the direction of being a generally braver person, hopefully being able to tell my family one day that the boy that grew up in their eyes was just an illusion.

Storywise there's really not much to tell, I grew up in a small town. I wasn't really outcast since in those days there was no importance to gender and I often played with girls as much as I played with boys. However as we all began to hit puberty I started to feel a void between the two growing with me in the middle. Boys began to do activities that I found no interest in, as well I started to empathize with them less. Girls however I could talk to, but I felt different from them physically. At first I thought perhaps I was just gay (As it turns out I'm bi.) but then after some research I found out I was actually a Transgender.

Nearly four years later I haven't really told anyone, even on the internet. Finally after a breakdown of depression I realized that keeping all this bottled up wasn't healthy and began to assume my role as a transgender. However I've been scared to bring it out, I was about ready too, but I moved to Idaho which doesn't really have much of a gay community whereas San Francisco flourished with people who understood. Now I'm back at square one trying to build myself up again by ranting here.

Anyway, its not much and I don't really expect comments. But thanks for reading if you did.

Hi Kanji,

Yes, you did come out to me before I publically made my own statement, and I suspect that both you and I have felt this way for near to ever!

I can't offer you much in the way of saying 'it'll be alright', because, honestly, I'm not sure it would. My mother, the most understanding and accepting person I know, already knows that I have gender issues, and is thinking about GRS, and she's not to pleased at all. I suspect parts of the rest of my family would just disown me, and as TG/TS, this is something that we need to worry about.

As to Idaho versus San Francisco, I guess SF would be easier, but if indeed you are going to transition, you'll live in ALL of the world, so you might as well start somewhere.

I don't know about you, but my biggest issue is the money...as in, I don't have the funds to do this, so I probably won't be, as much as I wish I could. However, if you've started the therapy, and invested that much time and effort into this, then you've already made the commitment in your mind that you are female, and you need to continue down that road. Only then will you find your happiness.

I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better, I wish I did dear. I do know that doing nothing is the last thing you want to do, because it'll only drive you nuts. Make a decision to do this, then find the way to make it happen, and go from it. You are only a decision away from everything you've always wanted.

Gary

[BabyDW]

Hey that's kewl, at least now you know and it is better to be accepted for who you are.

Its been a long time coming, and I've told alot of people already, but I feel like I haven't made a statement until I've taken some time to introduce myself to everyone as a transgender. As stupid as that may sound. Its actually a step in the direction of being a generally braver person, hopefully being able to tell my family one day that the boy that grew up in their eyes was just an illusion.

Storywise there's really not much to tell, I grew up in a small town. I wasn't really outcast since in those days there was no importance to gender and I often played with girls as much as I played with boys. However as we all began to hit puberty I started to feel a void between the two growing with me in the middle. Boys began to do activities that I found no interest in, as well I started to empathize with them less. Girls however I could talk to, but I felt different from them physically. At first I thought perhaps I was just gay (As it turns out I'm bi.) but then after some research I found out I was actually a Transgender.

Nearly four years later I haven't really told anyone, even on the internet. Finally after a breakdown of depression I realized that keeping all this bottled up wasn't healthy and began to assume my role as a transgender. However I've been scared to bring it out, I was about ready too, but I moved to Idaho which doesn't really have much of a gay community whereas San Francisco flourished with people who understood. Now I'm back at square one trying to build myself up again by ranting here.

Anyway, its not much and I don't really expect comments. But thanks for reading if you did.

[Alex Nappy]

I mean no offence to anyone by saying this, but I personally think that getting transgendered is the worst thing someone who feels like the opposite sex can do.

My cousin commited suicide not long ago, she was a transgender and had severe issues as a result of both the feeling she should be the other sex and a depression at the whole situation.

Before anyone gets me wrong, I'm an extremely liberal guy and I have no problem with anyone doing what they want as long as it doesn't effect anyone else negatively. I just feel that from the research I have done, that in many respects the desire to be transgendered isn't much different to severe depression. I don't deny anyone and thr right to do it and I'm sure there are plenty of transgenders out there who now lead extremely good lives, but I remain to be convinced that changing gender can do as much for some people as they want.

Being comfortable with what you are is in my opinion the first step to leading the best possible life, regardless of circumstances.

As I said, I really hope I haven't offended anyone, but I'm sure I must have done at least partially.

[BabySarahTS]

Basically, I think anyone who does this is in a do-or-die situation.

I wouldn't put up with all the sh*t I get for being trans unless the alternative was to go cuddle up to a bridge abutment at 140mph.

This isn't something people do on a whim.

I just woke up, and I'm really out of it, so this isn't the most sensical writing.

Still, if you think this is a bad idea, what would you have us do? What about those of us (myself included) who were born inbetween and only assigned a gender via a surgeon's knife? Should we just turn on the TV and suck it up?

I dunno about you, but a big part of being alive for me is to make things happen, instead of worrying if I'll "really" be happy.

As I see it, happiness is a byproduct of function, and I do not function as a boy.

[lil_angel]

Basically, I think anyone who does this is in a do-or-die situation.

I wouldn't put up with all the sh*t I get for being trans unless the alternative was to go cuddle up to a bridge abutment at 140mph.

This isn't something people do on a whim.

I just woke up, and I'm really out of it, so this isn't the most sensical writing.

Still, if you think this is a bad idea, what would you have us do? What about those of us (myself included) who were born inbetween and only assigned a gender via a surgeon's knife? Should we just turn on the TV and suck it up?

I dunno about you, but a big part of being alive for me is to make things happen, instead of worrying if I'll "really" be happy.

As I see it, happiness is a byproduct of function, and I do not function as a boy.

Amen sister!!

[rickibrat2]

desire to be transgendered

it is not a desire to be it is a feeling that you are in the wrong body and have always been this is not the same as dressing as the other sex this is something deep inside a person and they really have no control over the feeling which is why so many do kill them selfs they are afraid of the feeling do not understand the feeling and more then anything else are afraid of rejection by those they love

[Kanji]

Yea as well the whole idea of being depressed is something I've always had to deal with. Cause face it, it sucks when you realize you're a girl or a boy when the rest of your life has been an unknowing charade.

However people deal with depression in different ways, most notably growing their hair out wearing their sisters pants and listening to My Chemical Romance over and over and over.

Alright that was mean.

Um but I write, cause it makes me feel better to torture the characters in my head to make me feel better about myself. Some wierd artist thing I suspect, to have power over your own imagination.

But yea, I didn't just wake up and decide one day to be a depressed trangender. It was a proces a buildup that I could hear coming like a speeding train, and then one day I was just able to identify it. I still haven't been hit by it, I'm still learning things daily about who and what I am. Getting braver, I even told my boyfriend in one of my more tragic breakups that I was gender disphoric so I couldn't really expect him to love me anymore. (He was gay, I was bi.)

Sure that hurt, but I'm definately not going to take a plunge for it.

Anyway yea, I suspect I'll never really be happy, even if I were given a chance to be a full girl I would find some sort of sadness to cling too. And you know what? I like being sad, it puts my other emotions in perspective. I like feeling the full range of emotions because they're necessary to affirm that I'm still human.

[lil_emms]

Yea as well the whole idea of being depressed is something I've always had to deal with. Cause face it, it sucks when you realize you're a girl or a boy when the rest of your life has been an unknowing charade.

However people deal with depression in different ways, most notably growing their hair out wearing their sisters pants and listening to My Chemical Romance over and over and over.

Alright that was mean.

Um but I write, cause it makes me feel better to torture the characters in my head to make me feel better about myself. Some wierd artist thing I suspect, to have power over your own imagination.

But yea, I didn't just wake up and decide one day to be a depressed trangender. It was a proces a buildup that I could hear coming like a speeding train, and then one day I was just able to identify it. I still haven't been hit by it, I'm still learning things daily about who and what I am. Getting braver, I even told my boyfriend in one of my more tragic breakups that I was gender disphoric so I couldn't really expect him to love me anymore. (He was gay, I was bi.)

Sure that hurt, but I'm definately not going to take a plunge for it.

Anyway yea, I suspect I'll never really be happy, even if I were given a chance to be a full girl I would find some sort of sadness to cling too. And you know what? I like being sad, it puts my other emotions in perspective. I like feeling the full range of emotions because they're necessary to affirm that I'm still human.

as a trans myself and fighting for reassignment and with the full range of feelings with gender dysphoria. (yes folks i do use big words sometimes). I have faced the void where the depression has become a crutch but yes it does still control me in a lot of ways. To those that say a desire to be trans, i would desire not to be trans but be someone who could be happy and intergrate in society. For myself i dont fit i am a stranger looking in or someone in a tank looking out at the so called normal world out there. i have not intergrated a side of my personality but i am my full personality i am a wisywig kind of girl and maybe thats what has given me strength. I aint gonna say transition is easy in fact its the damned hardest thing in the world i have done. I have lost friends and been cut away from my family but thats no big deal.

I do know that now days we are not alone out here there are friends to be made shoulders to be leaned on and maybe someone there who can tell us we are human. I have looked in the mirror and seen a beast looking back at me. That thing there is not me i am me. But i will tell you i wont sugar coat the pill it dont become easier but it can become harder all i can offer is a hug and my fingers crossed for the other T girls out there and if any of you need a shoulder knock on my door i will always try to be there for a friend in need.

hugs from lil emms

[DifterinDiapers]

Have any of you ever heard the song “When I was a Boy

[susandirs]

being trans and being an AB seem to be a common combo. Probably something to that.

- Susan

[iamafemalebaby]

The whole Transgender thing has always fascinated me from long ago.

Although I do not know what you are all experiencing inside I can listen and try and appreciate all you are and have been going through.

Life is hard enough but when the issues of "Am I a girl?" "Am I a boy?" show up it must throw you into complete chaos.

The hormone thingy is enough to drive you to distraction but being Transgender must be so hard to live with.

the operations and the tablets etc all I can do is be there when you need a shoulder to lean on and have an ear when you want to talk.

I admore you all for getting this far. You are truly amazing and special people and I will always find the time to listen and be your friend if that is what you want.

Emms is my special friend she is adorable and so loving, caring and understanding, Missy too!

I am really blessed to know you both and am always here for ya.

We have to help and support each other here because we all have common ground.

I think the nappies/diapers thing really brings us all closer and makes us a strong caring community and family.

If any of you want to chat my door is always open. Feel free to call in anytime

[Chibiusa255]

Sorry to bump a kinda old thread but this is something I feel like talking about.

All my life I've never felt like i was a boy but i was all too aware i wasn't a girl. I've spent a lot of my time depressed, withdrawn, trying to lose myself in drugs and alcohol... I wasn't happy with myself so there was no way I could be happy with my life. All this began to change when I met my girlfriend. We've been together for a little over two years now and I really credit her with saving my life. She's been unbelievably supportive of me and, as a result, I've grown to love and understand myself so much more. It's been about 4 months since I've came out as being TG to my family and friends and everyone has been far more supportive than I would have ever expected. It feels like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders... having to pretend to be someone I'm not all these years had really been hard. It feels like I've been in a great darkness all my life and now i can step out into the sun. I know this journey will be a tough one but i really feel that it's absolutely necessary for my survival. It's not a choice we make... if I had been given a choice I would have been born being comfortable in my body, male or female, but it's not like that. I have to say that I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life. I've been seeing a councilor for about three months now and I'm going (hopefully) to be starting on hormones soon. I know that I have a long road ahead of me but I have no doubts that it's the best, the only, thing I can do for myself and my life is already so much better for it.

To all the other TG people here, I wish all of you the best of luck. Warm huggles and much love to you all

[beallucanb]

Sorry to bump a kinda old thread but this is something I feel like talking about.

All my life I've never felt like i was a boy but i was all too aware i wasn't a girl. I've spent a lot of my time depressed, withdrawn, trying to lose myself in drugs and alcohol... I wasn't happy with myself so there was no way I could be happy with my life. All this began to change when I met my girlfriend. We've been together for a little over two years now and I really credit her with saving my life. She's been unbelievably supportive of me and, as a result, I've grown to love and understand myself so much more. It's been about 4 months since I've came out as being TG to my family and friends and everyone has been far more supportive than I would have ever expected. It feels like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders... having to pretend to be someone I'm not all these years had really been hard. It feels like I've been in a great darkness all my life and now i can step out into the sun. I know this journey will be a tough one but i really feel that it's absolutely necessary for my survival. It's not a choice we make... if I had been given a choice I would have been born being comfortable in my body, male or female, but it's not like that. I have to say that I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life. I've been seeing a councilor for about three months now and I'm going (hopefully) to be starting on hormones soon. I know that I have a long road ahead of me but I have no doubts that it's the best, the only, thing I can do for myself and my life is already so much better for it.

To all the other TG people here, I wish all of you the best of luck. Warm huggles and much love to you all

I am happy to hear, that you are not depressed, anymore, I have been hideing, my being gay, for years, and just have come to see, how unhappy I was, all these years. Good for you, hope everything works out for you, and you have a great future, no matter what you do...B

[Necros]

Ok well, here i go, i tried ... i really did. Buuuut i CAN't stand being totally male TT_TT its boring and not fun ... plus male fashion sucks (no offense meanted towards all the males that see themselves as male).

I now see myself more female then male and although i wouldn't go as far as surgery i will damn well enjoy the feminine side of life <3

I really tried acting like everyone else around me, times and times again i kept looking into myself for answers to questions that i pushed aside because of fear. But now screw that i will act the f*cking way i want to and thats that (sorry for the rudeness i tend to get emotional).

May this new leaf of mine prosper.

?_? Peace~

Necros~