What To Expect

[BlakeJordan]

Ive been following the 12 month program for awhile now and suppose I should ask if anyone hascan tell me what I should expect over the next few months, or what point I might achieve incontinience. At this point I've been wearing 24/7 for 2.5 months. I urinate at the slightest urge. I keep my sphinter muscles relaxed at all times. A couple days ago I had first accident while not wearing a diaper. I wake up a few times a night to wet the bed, (although drinking LOTS of water before bed). Fairly easy to wet in any position.

What can I expect over the next few months,

yeat?

What point will I become incontinent? Is there a point of no return?

Where it will not be safe for me not to wear a diaper or have irreversable changes?

Thanks in advance!

PS before we start a flame war the reason of wearing is due to mental stability. I suffer from bipolar depressipn which has led to loss of job and hospitilization more than once. Ive found that by wearing it keeps me stable, a copong mechanism if you will. Its all for comfort and security and has never bern sexual.

[toon]

I can sympathize. I too am bipolar and If your anything like me......you dont feel right in your body without wearing?

I cant say much about how to be incon. I wear alot...*(not as much as I would like right now,, which isnt due to resource

because I still have a couple of cases but... its complicated.)* not wearing can actually send me into a rollercoaster ride

but i've never lost a job because of it though I've wanted to many many times.

i hope you find your answers.

[BlakeJordan]

Thanks,

It's been an interesting year,(12 months) a few suicide attempts, hospitalization, loss of job, a couple of broken arms due to seizure. I am on medication for the depression, however it doesn't always work, I have noticed wearing does, becoming incontinent gives me a reason to wear. Any input would be appreciated.

[Frink]

http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.php?showtopic=15216

The third post in that thread is some guy's log that he kept as he did a 24/7 stint that lasted around a year. Can't say anything firsthand though. Hope it works out for you!

[BlakeJordan]

I must have missed that somehow, could've sworn I read through that forum... In any case, good read I think I'm a couple months ahead of him in terms of where I'm at at the three month mark, seems it took him at about month 5 to be where I'm at now, then again I'm trying, (or not trying,

[Guest Wetnmessy247]

Seizures? Depression? Suicide?

It sounds like you have bigger problems than becoming incontinent.

But if it is really what you want...then....

Whatever you imagine it to be like, that's what it is like.

You mess without knowing. You wet without knowing. It happens anywhere, at anytime. Times will come when people notice, either from the wet/poopy bulge or from the smell. A lot of people don't like the smell of feces...I dunno why since it's a lovely smell....but you WILL get looks and sniffs and eyerolls and chuckles nd giggling from other people.

But that is the price to pay for being happy, stinky, messy, and wet.

[BlakeJordan]

Seizures? Depression? Suicide?

It sounds like you have bigger problems than becoming incontinent.

But if it is really what you want...then....

Whatever you imagine it to be like, that's what it is like.

You mess without knowing. You wet without knowing. It happens anywhere, at anytime. Times will come when people notice, either from the wet/poopy bulge or from the smell. A lot of people don't like the smell of feces...I dunno why since it's a lovely smell....but you WILL get looks and sniffs and eyerolls and chuckles nd giggling from other people.

But that is the price to pay for being happy, stinky, messy, and wet.

That's not to mention the cerebral palsy (the reason for the seizures), and migraines. Thankfully the seizures are pretty well controlled, as are the migraines, which used to be debilitating. Oddly enough my mood is fairly well controlled while diapered. Not so many highs or lows. I hate the extremes, more tempered, which is good. It's the feeling of being safe and secure, and that everything is going to be okay, no matter what, that keeps helping day after day.

As for the incontinence, I am not going for full, only urinary, although I am conscious of the smell none the less. I've already had a few public accidents, and no I'm not into public humiliation. The times have already come where it's inconvenient to change, such as with friends and family, or at work. Out for long car rides, or long days. I've taken the approach of buying the best diapers I can afford, as I don't want to spend my whole day changing, nor do I want the feeling of being soaked all day, and I've found more absorbency is always better. I went through the challenge of how to diaper with only one hand, standing, or lying, and why or why I would leak at night while sleep on my side, until I found that there was just the smallest of a crack between my legs that would leak, even though everything else was tight, and you literally have to pull snug until its as tight as can be then tape it up. I've found out the hard way never ever let yourself run out of diapers, ALWAYS have a backup case somewhere. Always take day bag with you, expect the unexpected. I've learned to urinate in just about every position I can think of while doing just about anything I can think of, getting ready, brushing my teeth, shaving, eating, driving, walking. I've learned the nasty way to avoid rashes, change often enough 45 min in a soaked diaper, and always clean AND dry off afterward. I've learned to shave daily down there, the seico clean from amazon is a life saver, as well as a time saver. I've had my share of wet beds, and can now sleep through the night in one, and wet clothes if need be. I've learned to stay on top of the dirty diapers, you don't want your home smelling like urine. Get the disks the cut down on odor for the diaper pail, and keep emptying it. I've learned not to load the trash too heavy with dirty diapers, you don't want your trash bag tearing halfway to the garbage pail in front of your neighbors. I've learned always to carry an extra trash bag, just in case. Lastly I've learned its easier to have a support group, a group of people you don't have to hide it from, tell them what you need to, whether it be for fun, medically necessary, or an experiment, whatever it takes, GET THEM ON YOUR SIDE, It will lift a burden, help you when your feeling low, and will also hold you accountable for actually wearing.

As for my progress, where I'm at now and where I'm going, if anybody wants me to post updates on progress and if so, how oftenm or has any other

questions let me know.

If anybody has any other suggestions on the road that I'm, how to get there, or quicker path, also let me know. (All natural, already went to one of the top hypnotists in the world, cleared up allot of blocks)

[BlakeJordan]

Update: Saw the urologist today for Cystoscpy. Within 2.5 months my bladder has developed the characteristics of a moderate overactive bladder. The test is interesting, if not a bit painful, basically they stick a camera up the urethra into the bladder to look around and examine it. Based on the examination, the doctor said I had a moderate overactive bladder at this point. Come Wed I have a Urodynamics test which will tell how the bladder is working. I'll keep you updated.

[BlakeJordan]

Had the urodynamics test today. They start off by having you come in with a full bladder, and emptying as much as you can. They then cath you to remove any extra urine, as well as tested for any infections. They then cath you again and fill your bladder with water. While your bladder is filling, they ask what sensations you feel, when feel the first urge to go, when you would get up to go, and when you wouldn't be able to hold it anymore. I found that I had little sensation while my bladder was filling up and much of it was guesswork. It was only until they filled my bladder to breaking point that I really felt an urge to go. I found this odd as my bladder is usually super sensitive and I feel the need to go with just a few ounzes. I will also note that the only way I can now reach a full bladder is to wake up with one, that is drink lots of water before bed so even if I wet the bed I still wake up with a full bladder. I will have results next Wed. If you have any questions, let me know, suggestions, tips etc are also welcome

[Creepymouse]

Congrats, despite what some people would say. I've wanted to reach that point for a long while, and am just now putting my life in order well enough to start training again.

[BlakeJordan]

I've experienced many significant changes in my bladder this past week, my bladder has started to spasm more, and a bit harder, resulting in the tiniest bit of urine to be expelled in exceeding frequency. This has gradually changed from a full bladder, now all the way down to 2-3 oz. or less. I will tend to urinate every 15-20 min, give or take now, which started pretty recently, a month ago it was 45 min-1 hour. I now have to be super cautious when out of a diaper, changing, etc, and no longer have the luxury to allow myself to "air out", as accidents are becoming more and more common, when I'm not wearing a diaper, I'll be peeing before I realize it, if I'm distracted doing something else. I get about 2-3 seconds warning before my bladder spasms, and I can still clench and get myself to the restroom, if I have nothing on my mind, otherwise, it's too late, and clenching for anything even for a few oz. now feeling like a huge chore, and a big ache. I have yet to wet while sleeping although I wake up between 3-5 times a night wet, then fall right back to sleep. I imagine it's only a matter of time before I don't wake up anymore. I started wearing Feb 2nd, and within this short amount of time I've finally gotten to the point where I wouldn't feel safe NOT to wear a diaper. I feel a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit whole, trying to find out how deep it really goes.

Questions, comments, or advice is welcome as always.

[rick50]

Had the urodynamics test today. They start off by having you come in with a full bladder, and emptying as much as you can. They then cath you to remove any extra urine, as well as tested for any infections. They then cath you again and fill your bladder with water. While your bladder is filling, they ask what sensations you feel, when feel the first urge to go, when you would get up to go, and when you wouldn't be able to hold it anymore. I found that I had little sensation while my bladder was filling up and much of it was guesswork. It was only until they filled my bladder to breaking point that I really felt an urge to go. I found this odd as my bladder is usually super sensitive and I feel the need to go with just a few ounzes. I will also note that the only way I can now reach a full bladder is to wake up with one, that is drink lots of water before bed so even if I wet the bed I still wake up with a full bladder. I will have results next Wed. If you have any questions, let me know, suggestions, tips etc are also welcome

I would be really interested to hear more about the tests and ewhat happended becuse it looks like I will be facing the same thing soon.

Were the tests carried out at a hospital, were there other patients there having the same procedure?

What do you wear- I use plastic panties and inco pads- did the nurse or doctor see you in yours?

Would like to know exactly what they do and what the tasts mean?

Thanks.

Rick

[BlakeJordan]

Rick,

At the time I had partial control, so I wore a pull-up. I did however tell the Dr. that I usually where something MUCH more absorbent, and I wore this for convenience, knowing I'd be out of it within an hour. On my first visit, he told me to drop my pants, and that's when he saw the pull-up, and I explained all this to him. He did a physical examination, to see if he could tell if there was anything blatantly wrong, saw nothing and moved on. During this time an assistant was also present, (female). All tests were done in an office, not a hospital. The first test, the Cystoscopy, the Dr, and an assistant where present. Again, both saw the Pull-up. I also had a uroflow test where I'm glad I wore a pull-up as you come in with as much as you can hold, and urinate into a special toilet that measures how much you go, and fast you do it. Before these tests I also had an ultra sound of my bladder, and abs, while my bladder was full, and after I had emptied it. This was done at a clinic. For the final test, the urodynamics test, it was done by a technician, again female. She just asked that I remove my clothes from the waist down and get seated. She did not see the pull-up.

While I was waiting over the course of these tests, I saw numerous people come in for tests that I already had or was going to get.

One thing to note. Don't get frustrated with the process, It's taken me a good two months, to get all these tests, they end up scheduling them, them schedule up a follow up apt, a week after, then the test the week after that. It's a slow process and one that hopefully you'll only have to do once.

My best suggestion is unless retaping diapers, or, use cloth diapers, try a pull-up, with a booster, you could go with plastic pants if you like they prolly wouldn't think twice about it.

[rick50]

Rick,

At the time I had partial control, so I wore a pull-up. I did however tell the Dr. that I usually where something MUCH more absorbent, and I wore this for convenience, knowing I'd be out of it within an hour. On my first visit, he told me to drop my pants, and that's when he saw the pull-up, and I explained all this to him. He did a physical examination, to see if he could tell if there was anything blatantly wrong, saw nothing and moved on. During this time an assistant was also present, (female). All tests were done in an office, not a hospital. The first test, the Cystoscopy, the Dr, and an assistant where present. Again, both saw the Pull-up. I also had a uroflow test where I'm glad I wore a pull-up as you come in with as much as you can hold, and urinate into a special toilet that measures how much you go, and fast you do it. Before these tests I also had an ultra sound of my bladder, and abs, while my bladder was full, and after I had emptied it. This was done at a clinic. For the final test, the urodynamics test, it was done by a technician, again female. She just asked that I remove my clothes from the waist down and get seated. She did not see the pull-up.

Thanks for the useful information, Blake.

I'm a bit concerned about having to turn up with a full bladder. Do they specifically ask you to so this this? I'm worried I would loose it into my diaper before I get there.

Also, do you have to sit about between tests. Do they allow you to re-diaper, I'm worried I may wet myself through nervousness as much as anything?

Rick

While I was waiting over the course of these tests, I saw numerous people come in for tests that I already had or was going to get.

One thing to note. Don't get frustrated with the process, It's taken me a good two months, to get all these tests, they end up scheduling them, them schedule up a follow up apt, a week after, then the test the week after that. It's a slow process and one that hopefully you'll only have to do once.

My best suggestion is unless retaping diapers, or, use cloth diapers, try a pull-up, with a booster, you could go with plastic pants if you like they prolly wouldn't think twice about it.

[BlakeJordan]

Rick,

My Dad is a family practice doctor, and he said that those with incontinence often have troubles trying to get a full bladder, his words were "It can be tricky if you have no control". They do specifically tell you when to show up with a full bladder. When I had my ultrasounds done, I had accidentally wet, and when I got there, there was nothing in bladder. I went out to the waiting room, drank as much as I could over the course of an hour, while keeping my urethra kinked, so as not to go. As for the urologist's office, there was a guy while I was waiting, who had a smiler problem (we got to talking). They were kind enough to let him drink drink drink from the water dispenser, while his bladder filled up. Mind you if your bladder is completely empty, it will take a good 45 min. to fill up if you have enough fluids. I imagine if you brought your diaper bag, (I use a backpack) they'd let you change after the procedure, either in the room, or in the restroom. Again probably not thinking twice about it. I would suggest that if you find yourself in a time that is easy to get a full bladder, schedule your apt for that time. (As of now I can only get a full bladder if I sleep all night after drinking lots of fluids). Once I have that feeling, in combination of clenching, and kinking the urethra, I can make it through the apt.

I also forgot to tell you about what each tests purpose was. I've tried to explain what they do in the procedure. So I'll just give an underlying goal. (This is to the best of my knowledge, I may be off a bit)

Abdomen Ultrasound: See if there is any physical damage to the abs. Only done with empty bladder. No water or food for 8 hours before test

Bladder Ultrasound: Done with a full bladder, then emptied. to see if there is any damage, as well as urine retention. Drink 32 oz of water 1.5-2 hours before test.

Prostate Ultrasound: See if there is any problems, with prostate, too large, damage, etc. (Have not had this test)

Uroflow test: Come in with full bladder. See how much you urinate, how quickly in a given period of time. (Start to finish, no pressure)

Urodynamics: Come in with full bladder. (Seems like to test urine of infection) Then filled bladder with a cath with sterile water. Try to see if spasms occur during filling of the bladder, and when you feel urges to urinate.

Cystoscopy: See what inside of bladder looks like, looking for signs of damage, different kinds of incontinence etc. Use scope with camera to go up through urethra with camera. They use numbing gel, but still invasive, and you might want to have painkillers on hand afterwards, as it does sting to urinate for awhile (1.5 days for me)

X-Ray of Bladder: Fill up bladder with contrast fluid, to see what bladder looks like under x-ray. (Do not know exact purpose, seems like it might be an alternative to cystoscopy? Or added, if more detail is needed. (Have not had)

I've been told that the above is about the full array of tests for bladder issues. I may be missing one or two, but think it's pretty complete. Hope this helps.

[diaperpt]

Not being in your shoes, I don't quite understand all your motivation, but that is my problem. No flames from me!

I wish you the best as your pursue your goal. I find your posts interesting and informative and hope you will continue posting about your progress.

You mention your dad is a fam practice doctor...not to pry, but does he know about your attempts to gain incontinence and if so, what's his slant on it? And as for answering my questions or anyone else's don't be afraid to tell us to take a flying leap! Reveal the info you feel like revealing and keep private anything you are at all hesitant to reveal.

Good for you for talking about as much as you have. You've done far more positive than many others on the Incontinent Desires forum.

[BlakeJordan]

Long Post, but good info. Skip to bottom for medical update

Let me start off by saying that I'll try and keep posting, updating etc. This is as much for my use as it is for everyone else. I've been told that this is a once in a lifetime ride, and that one should keep a record of it. Now the first six weeks was a lot of trial and error. Having cerebral palsy, I had to find reliable ways to get myself diapered correctly, so as not to leak during the day, or at night. I went through an extra case or two of diapers, just troubleshooting, trying to find out how to diaper with one hand, and to prevent leaks at all times. The rest of those first couple months was research, and all mental. How to approach the next year of my life, what techniques, and plans to use, and how to get through all that mental programming telling me this was ALL WRONG.

As I mentioned before, this is not sexual for me at all, one of the reasons that I can keep going dirty diaper after dirty diaper. I've been told at least that those that wear strictly for comfort have a MUCH high chance of success of seeing things through, then those who wear as part of sexual desires, as each diaper can become less and less fun over time. However everyone wants to feel comfortable right? Moving on.... with the mental programming, I was one of those kids who got up the courage to tell their parents what was going on, the whole wanting to wear diapers, and what not. My parents overreacted a bit. Within two weeks I was sitting in the office of a child psychiatrist, trying to get fixed, as if there is a cure for such a thing, and and if such a thing was so perverse that I must be cured of it immediately. Well it didn't work obviously, all it brought was more shame.

The reason that I'm telling you all this is because we all most likely have some kind of mental baggage that we carry around. Even if it's from the time we are 3-5 years old and getting potty trained and being told that diapers are all wrong, and not for "big kids". What I've seen if you take away all the B.S. from all the instruction manuals out there, all the tips, all the guides, is 65% of this journey is getting rid of the baggage, working through the issues, re-programming your thought process, trusting that your diapers will hold, anytime, anywhere, and accepting as true that it's okay to wear diapers, and that's who I am now Now I tried many things over the years, I finally turned to hypnosis, not the cds that you can purchase, but somebody live. I didn't become incontinent in those sessions., but I did work through allot of crap. Everything else sense has seemed easy. You won't get ANYWHERE until you

The other 25% of all is relaxation. You've gotta relax your body, as well as your sphincters. This was very lightly touched many posts, how-to's and guides that I read, but you've got to relax your sphincters. You know when you squeeze out the last bit of urine after emptying your bladder, those muscles. Try NOT to squeeze for as long as possible, it's hard at first, but will soon become a habit. Also relax the sphincters whenever possible. Keep them in that relaxed position. Once you get into the habit of this, it will send a message to the internal sphincter (Along with letting go as soon as the urge arises), that your ready to go. You'll start feeling your bladder spasm, and urine may or may not flow at first, rest assured, it will eventually. (As stated in the 12 month program, relaxing the sphincters, you may or may not go, that's not the point, the point is to keep them relaxed for the above reasons).

On the note about keeping things relaxed, and mental blocks, be sure to urinate anytime anywhere, in front of anyone, Not on purpose mind you, but if you get the urge just let it flow, even if you think your diaper might not hold it, or if your between changes, trying to air, shaving down there, etc. The sooner your mind thinks its okay to go anywhere anytime, not just in diapers, the sooner you'll rely on diapers.

The last 10% is broken into 5% and 5%. Patience, and Pampering, or keeping things fun. Be patient with yourself when things don't go right, when you have your first wet pair of pants out in public. Be patient, when you get frustrated, your not quite in the habit of wearing, think an occasion will be easier without diapers, and go without, get mad at yourself and come back to them. Be patient when you have your first wet bed, and need to get up at 2:00AM to change it, and yourself, when you have work in the morning. Be patient with the chaffing, and the rashes. There no fun, but can be taken care of. (For chaffing, especially if its constant, get some 1% hydrocordozone creme, or ointment, the greasier stuff for friction). Be patient with the damned leaky diaper that isn't close to being full, shouldn't leak, but does. ANY DIAPER CAN LEAK IN THE RIGHT POSITION. Lastly be patient getting things working for you, that is finding a quick and reliable way to diaper yourself, standing up, and lying down. Getting set up with supplies the first few weeks, where to put, how to buy (that mental block helps with buying stuff in public, trust me). And a system of cleanup. Pampering, remember to keep things fun. You don't want this to start feeling like a chore, day in, day out, you've gotta keep things fun, interesting, pamper yourself. Take the time that your changing yourself, whenever, and wherever, it may be, and take it for your. Enjoy the sensations, the intimate touch, the feeling of being cleaned up, the smell of powder, and the feeling of a fresh, dry diaper. Let yourself air out for a minute or two, don't try and rush the process unless you have to. This is you time. Your probably gonna want to stay clean and smooth down there, so make sure whatever it is you do to do so, isn't a chore. I've found using a razor day in and day out, and the cleanup of shaving gel, or cream, is just a pain in the ass. You can always get waxed, but eventually, people aren't gonna want you leaking on them. I chose the seiko clean cut, its's about $50 the size of a mini flashlight and takes two minutes a day, no pain, no razor burn etc. If you can take that time for you, then great, do it. This has all been about keeping yourself clean. Find at least someone you can talk to, a friend, a S/O, even if you tell them it's for medical reasons, allow it to be open, so you can joke about, have fun with it. I know it's been said before, but keep a record, of this. It's a rollarcoaster, ups and downs, good and bad, once in a lifetime journey, start a blog, a new thread, a journal, something that you can look back on, and say, WOW!, what the hell was I thinking

On a finishing note of this section, I have some friends who know I'm trying to become incontinent, and some who think I'm already there. To answer the question does my dad know. No my family does not. They think it's due to a seizure that I had last year. I didn't want to go down the path I went down when I was 13, even if it was only disapproval, and a conversation. My dad, being a doctor, suggested I see a urologist. I agreed, but more track what was happening inside my own body, then for a cure. And that leads us to where I first got talking about all this.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I did see the urologist yesterday. After all that testing he had some mixed results. He concluded with the urodynamics test that I although my bladder has symptoms of an overactive bladder, it is actually spasming while it's filling, which gives me the urge to urinate, and my bladder is now too weak to expel all the urine from the bladder, which basically means it has atrophied. This also means that although I get those constant urges to urinate, because I haven't squeezed my sphincters in so long, my bladder still retains fluid, which makes me have to go more frequently as when my bladder starts to fill up again, there is still urine in the bladder. He said at this point, my abs are trying to compensate to get that last bit of urine out. He wrote me a prescription for a medication called Terazosin, which builds up that muscle tone a bit, and makes it easier to urinate. This is where the buck stops for me. I'm not going on any medications, or having any surgeries (which he said he was against anyways). In six weeks, I'll tell him this isn't working, he'll write me a prescription for one more, six weeks after that, I'll tell him thats not working. Thank you very much, no more tests, no surgeries, no more drugs, follow up with him every 3-4 months. My dad's curiosity is satisfied, so is my urologists. If something severe develops, I can always call on either one.

I do find it interesting that my bladder has atrophied to the point where it can no longer expel liquid, even if I try. I'm three days shy of 3 full months in diapers. Your body changes quickly. In some ways I', ahead of where the 12 month program puts one at the start of four months. I have a feeling by 12 months, I won't even know whats happening.

______________________________________________________________________________________

One note to everyone, I'm hoping that this thread can become a resource for those seriously wanting to know what the day in, and day out life would be, if one started down this road. I've never been one to hold back much, I'm pretty open, and on the on the note of going to tell people to jump in the lake, I'll try not to do that. If anyone does have any questions, regarding any aspect, whether it be medical, my outlooks on the journey, my motivation, or even how I'm coping, or anything else for that matter, speak up. This should be a resource, about the day in, and day out stuff, what people learn, tips, tricks, things to do, things to avoid. There are plenty of guides out there, the most comprehensive, probably being the 12 month program, which will give you the facts on how to get things done, and by all means, read it, re-read it. It's great information. What I've found scattered around is day in and day out stuff, tips and tricks, and what not, how to deal with all of this. That's why I'm doing this.

As always questions, comments, tips etc, are always welcome.

[BlakeJordan]

My bladder is continuing to change, slowly but surely, just enough to tell the difference if one is paying close attention. I suppose though this is how things are going to be, slow and gradual changes.

In certain positions I no longer spasm, the urine just flows without warning, It's like the bladder has gotten so used to releasing fluids, that it just says the hell with it, and lets it go, catching me by surprise. It's ended by the time I notice as there is so little urine. The actual force of the stream, is getting quite week as well, sometimes just a trickle. I'm finding that I have a sort of triple spasm in most other positions, a rapid fire one after the other, and there is no chance of stopping it, as they are too strong, and too quick to do anything about. Immediately after the spasms end the urine is forced out, again not much, and its over before I have time to respond. Its becoming less and less frequent that I actually have the warning of something happening, and when it does, it is usually a very weak spasm is one at all, I could probably squeeze on these occasions, to make it to the restroom, but these only about 10% of the time now. I'm finding it a bit easier to predict how many times I will need to urinate during the night now based on how much water I drink. If I slow my intake a couple hours before bed, and only have a full glass, I can make it through the night waking up only 1-2 times. However I'm still trying to wet the bed at night, and although it's getting easier to wet at night, I've found that if I have too little water I will wake up with a irritated bladder, try and empty it, be unable to unless I become fully awake, and fall back asleep with my bladder irritated until morning. It is important then to have at least 16 oz of water, and watermelon, or 24 oz of water. Either one does the trick. Any less results in an irritated bladder which goes against the programming which I'm trying to achieve. Hopefully in time, I'll be able to wake and let go with less water, but not yet. Or not wake at all. Its all about building the right patterns, trusting yourself, and letting go.

As always questions, comments, tips etc, are always welcome.

[quicktip]

I am very surprised your body has gone this far in a very short amount of time. I have tried the 12 month program twice. Once I wore for four months then stopped. My bladder was overactive sure, and I would sometime wet the bed at night but very rarely. I stopped after I got tired of wearing for about three months, then started again and have worn for nearly five more months. I have gone both bowels and bladder (something I am wondering if your doing), and although I am not voiding uncontrollably and still have to tell my body when to void, there are some times I weep without realizing it. I am still able to go without a diaper, but my body has taken a major hit.

I have measured when I need to void, 59ml is common, 89 if I am sitting down for a long time, and 112ml is when I better run to the restroom before I explode. My bladder has shrunk very much, which has made me return to diapers yet again. It is no fun running to the restroom every hour.

I am unsure what to do at this point, if I continue to wear I am positive I will be incontinent in a few short months. If I stop wearing, I will be going to the restroom every hour, and waking up in the night to use the restroom.

Odor is what made me stop the last time, no matter how clean I was and how much I scrubbed, I had a scent from the incontinence. I am curious as to how you are managing it, I purchased nullo and now I am using that.

I sort of wish I never did this to being with, but I went down that "one way street". I plan on leaving the US to go Overseas in a few short months for a new job and start of life. Now I am beginning to think my new life will be with incontinence. Something I am somewhat worried about as I will be staying with relatives for the first month or so till I get settled.

[BlakeJordan]

I am very surprised your body has gone this far in a very short amount of time. I have tried the 12 month program twice. Once I wore for four months then stopped. My bladder was overactive sure, and I would sometime wet the bed at night but very rarely. I stopped after I got tired of wearing for about three months, then started again and have worn for nearly five more months. I have gone both bowels and bladder (something I am wondering if your doing), and although I am not voiding uncontrollably and still have to tell my body when to void, there are some times I weep without realizing it. I am still able to go without a diaper, but my body has taken a major hit.

I have measured when I need to void, 59ml is common, 89 if I am sitting down for a long time, and 112ml is when I better run to the restroom before I explode. My bladder has shrunk very much, which has made me return to diapers yet again. It is no fun running to the restroom every hour.

I am unsure what to do at this point, if I continue to wear I am positive I will be incontinent in a few short months. If I stop wearing, I will be going to the restroom every hour, and waking up in the night to use the restroom.

Odor is what made me stop the last time, no matter how clean I was and how much I scrubbed, I had a scent from the incontinence. I am curious as to how you are managing it, I purchased nullo and now I am using that.

I sort of wish I never did this to being with, but I went down that "one way street". I plan on leaving the US to go Overseas in a few short months for a new job and start of life. Now I am beginning to think my new life will be with incontinence. Something I am somewhat worried about as I will be staying with relatives for the first month or so till I get settled.

Quicktip,

I can say that I am only going for urinary incontinence. I understand where your coming from in terms of having to use the restroom way to often. I'm at the point where its every 15-20 min. If I started training myself, I could probably hold it, but would take time. You could go see a urologist, see if they have any recommendations. They'd probably run the whole slew of tests on you, and start you on a bladder control medication, but its an option, if you want to try and turn back. As for odor control, I drink water, and lots of it. I average about a gallon a day, which makes the urine very diluted. The idea is, if its yellow, keep on drinking. That and plastic pants to contain odor help allot, as well as changing before the urine gets too stale. Nice thing is that when it's very diluted, it doesn't irritate your skin, and doesn't smell for a long time. I know I'm jumping around a bit, but if you choose to stay on the path, the biggest key is acceptance. Once you accept you truly are incontinent, and realize that being incontinent means having no control, that's when a big breakthrough can happen. (Granted you may have to work through other issues first). Having no control means just that, wetting wherever and whenever your body tells you to. You must, and I repeat must relax at all times. Even if your in the nude, waiting for the shower to heat up, cleaning yourself up, in an overflowing diaper at work or with your friends, or even in the middle of a change. You must relax, and let go at any sign of needing to go. This tells your body it is okay to go anytime anywhere. Combine this, and the head game, and your nearly there. Lastly, try and build some conditioning routines. Such as urinating when you hear running water or when you take a drink of fluid. These were the first things for me, to have no control over, it takes time, but is reassuring, that your on the right path, gives you confidence, lets you know what things are supposed to feel like, and gives you practice for things that are not so easy to condition.

In any case good luck on whatever path you take and remember what they say "Be careful what you wish for, not because you might get it, but because you might not want it once you do".

As always, questions, comments, tips and tricks are welcome

[DiaperdAspie]

I am quite surprised to see another person going the 'voluntary incontinence route' to better cope with life.

I for one have worn diapers off and on since about 1999 and finally went 24/7 permanently on the 11th of March 2008.

Back when I was still wearing off and on I sometimes noticed how much diapers helped me to cope with life, but back then I did not even know why I was strugling with things that are second nature to most people. Well, I finally found out why I have always felt that I just don't belong here (this planet) in late summer 2006. My nick might give some peole a clue, I was diagnosed with Asperger Autism (ICD-10 F84.5).

In the following two years I have analysed my difficulties and problems rather intensively and did a lot of self analysis. I also dug out several things not direcly related, such as a slight problem I always had noticing the need to urinate when I concentrate on something. I also realised that the only real reason I managed not to wet myself was that I practically cramped my bladder shut when I was in danger of doing so. The problem with that was that it took long (15-60min) to actually get it to uncramp when I finally reached a toilet.

I also realised that I was much more at ease and had more mental capacities left to deal with my surroundings when I was wearing diapers, meaning I could cope with the world much better. After a short period of testing, I decided that wearing diapers was way preferable to always wondering if I will have another close call if I immerse myself into a subject. It took a huge (not really previously registered) mental load off my back. Back then I also noticed (about a month into wearing 24/7) that I always used to keep myself quite dehydrated. I only feel thirst when I am quite dehydrated. I used to tell that I needed to drink more by the fact that my mouth and eyes where completely dry. Nowadays if I don't fill at least two (better three) diapers a day, I know I have to drink more.

Well, now I just wet when I need to and don't really notice it unless I pay attention. My bladder only really fills up when I sleep and partially when I sit in a car. I wake up with a full bladder most of the time, even though I wet in my sleep most nights (although currently I sleep from about 9:00 - 16:00 which helps me get some work done (I work better at night), but that is another story). I have mentally entered this with the knowledge that I will most probably never be able to ge back. I know that I will be in diapers for the rest of my life. But that is good so, because it helps me a lot more than it inconveniences me.

I have not seen a physician about my diaper wearing, because I don't have a problem with it. My physician probably knows I wear them, because the last few times he listened to my lungs (I had a really bad cough) I had take off my body and the diaper was showing out of the back of my trousers.

[BlakeJordan]

Long Post but quick start guide at bottom

I apologize for not updating, however there hasn't been a whole lot to update on. I've gotten quite a few IMs been busy with that, and I myself have not had any huge leaps in progress. Things are definitely getting easier, easier to wet in any position. I think the only position that I still have trouble with is seated while the car is moving. Again all in the head. Its still a bit difficult sometimes seated around family, but most time its okay, and I can go lying in any position. I don't think I've been drinking enough at night to wet the bed as I wake up in the morning a partially full bladder, I don't wake up in the night needing to go...too badly. As long as I don't flood my diaper at night (by drinking too much water it doesn't leak, which is nice, means I'll be able to travel again soon, something I've been holding off on, as my diaper kept leaking at night (found a better way to tape it, 70% less leaks) looking forward to seeing my grandparents. Still have to remind myself to stay on top of taking the dirty diapers out. Long trip to the dumpster, but something that has to be done. I can now so that I'm incontinent out load to anyone and not be embarrassed. A certain feeling of permanence has set in, like this is how its gonna be for the rest of my life. I don't even wear boxers anymore, it's hot enough in AZ with a diaper as is. They stay unused in my drawer. Getting much better at estimating how long I have before I need a change based on how many fluids I'm drinking. Thing is with Bambinos and a double booster it was difficult to tell for awhile. Now that the leaks stopped, it's pretty reliable, as long as I don't have caffeine. That's it on my end, keep reading for good info.

Quicktip: I think I might have misunderstood you earlier. I mentioned you can reduce your odor of the urine by drinking lots of water and keeping it diluted. Eventually however, and if you stay in your diaper for long periods of length, odor is going to stick to your skin, and a simple scrubbing in the shower, will not get it all the way off. What you can do to combat the odor is soak in a hot baking soda bath at least once a week to keep skin from developing an odor. The more soaking baths, the better, though. You'll have to play around with the amount but start off with 3 tablespoons and go from there after your first bath. I'd recommended buying a box of baking soda just for baths.

A few things I've noticed. It Really does help to push fluids. I know I've said this before but I'm gonna say it again, drink up. Buy a half gallon jug and keep it with you. Try and drink two a day. I say this as I've noticed that when I drink more the urine flow more naturally, more easily, as if I don't have control. Whereas if I'm a bit more dehydrated I have more spasms, stronger spasms, and I also find it harder to start the stream, if I'm in a position that I'm not used. Pressure is everything, at least until your body is used to going on it's own. Your bladder doesn't want to be bothered ever 15 minutes with the urge to urinate, if you constantly have that urge eventually it'll start taking matters into it's own hands.

I've been asked how did I make so much progress in so little time. I'll do I quick summery here for you.

These Are Steps Listed Below

1: Define yourself as incontinent. This is more mental than it is physical. Pick a date to start and keep with it. From that point on you are for all intents and purposes incontinent.

2: Step two Relates to step one. Your paying for the diapers, the changing pads, the plastic pants, the trash bags, the plastic sheets, the diaper pails, the diaper bag. If Somebody asks you why you wear, pick a story and stick to. Your paying for all this, own that story and the fact that you are in diapers and are incontinent, be empowered by it.

3: Do what you have to do to get over any past issues that are holding you back from embracing your incontinent life. There's something for everyone, even if its just a memory of their parents telling them that their big now and diapers are for babies. I know mine were much bigger. Talk to a friend, a coach, hypnotherapist. Meditative, do self talk, prayer, whatever it takes acceptance is key and you won't make progress until you do. I saw a professional hypnotherapist, one of the top in the world. Paid $150/session for 6 sessions. Got me comfortable in my own skin.

4: Find People to be accountable to: You've come this far, no backing out now right Seriously though. If your going to be incontinent you need to get over your embarrassment (See above step) and be able to tell anyone, at anytime that your incontinent. Who better to keep you accountable and get you over your embarrassment at the same time then by telling those close to you. Your close friends, your immediate family, your roommate, your S/O, your boss if changing is going to be an issue at work. You'll be hard pressed to find excuses to go to the restroom if they know your incontinent.

5: Read, and Re-Read the 12 Month Diaper Training Program, I know most of you hate [That site], so get it from somewhere else, it good information, and your gonna need it. Pay attention and Take notes.

6: Have Patience with yourself, your gonna be going through allot of changes, I'm not gonna lie to you, the first month is the hardest. Not only is your bottom half in a new environment, but your making change mentally and physically. Your gonna be starting new routines, and are your body is gonna start changing, which might scare, DON'T LET IT, this is part of the acceptance.

7: I've said this also but I'll say it again, RELAX ALREADY, Never Bear Down if you can help it. Only while initially getting comfortable with urinating, and while getting used to new positions. NEVER try to squeeze the last bit of urine out at the end. Instead try and keep it relaxed for as long as possible. It's hard at first but will soon become second nature, and you'll be doing it all the time.

8: Train yourself to urinate while drinking fluids, and washing hands. This helps so anytime you take a sip of water or other liquid, if you need to go, you go (time it if you can) and you go when you hear running water. The first being useful as eventually you'll start to drink water and urinate without realizing it, giving you a good baseline as to what incontinence is supposed to feel like. This can be useful while training in other positions, it's a snowball effect. As for the washing hands, this is useful as you hear running water, something you'll hear saying waiting for the shower, may cause an accident, and reinforce that you are incontinent, as well as at night if you listen to running water to try and wet the bed, you already have a trigger set up.

9: This is a hard one but one that is important, if you have to go, go no matter where you are, who your with, no matter what position your in, what your wearing, or how full your diaper is, and most importantly EVEN IF YOUR GONNA LEAK. You gotta work on trusting your diaper this is perhaps the hardest for me, as I have a hard time getting a good fit, so I'm always second guessing myself. I'm still working on it. There comes a time though where your diaper either works or it doesn't and if it doesn't leaks don't concern you because you couldn't have helped it anyways. If you hold it, your working against yourself plain and simple.

10: I'll say it again Don't forget to remind yourself why your doing this, every day, keep it fun in any way your can. Pamper yourself while changing, look at yourself in a diaper and t-shirt in the mirror, own that crinkle, and experiment in what things work and what things don't.

11: This sounds little but it works, remind yourself that you need diapers by wearing just a diaper (and plastic pants if you need 'em) for 2 hours a day) Break it up however you will. But it works, especially in the beginning.

12: Find yourself someone that can help you out along the way, for moral support when your down, when things get tough, when you want to turn back, as well as someone who has been there, done that, has gone down that path, knows where it leads, and can show you the way, perhaps lend you a flashlight on your own journey, be there for advice, concerns, oddball questions. I can tell you these people are hard to find so when you find one, don't let go.

13: Lastly, even I didn't do this soon enough, but keep a journal, a record of some kind, if you want to make it public that's your choice, but this is a once in a lifetime journey your taking, document for yourself, it will help you when you feel your not making progress, you can look back and say "Oh, I guess I am". Most of these changes that are gonna happen are gonna be slow and gradual, they are also gonna sometimes be very hard to tell if your changing at all unless your paying close attention and have a record of where you were.

There you have it in a nutshell, my perspective of why I'm making the progress I am. These are the steps that I followed, and this is the progress (See previous posts) that I'm getting. I want to say that in relation to step 12, I've read many different places over the years to try and find a "coach" to help along this journey. I've researched and researched and found lots of useful information, even more cautionary tales, but I never did find that guide, that coach. I'm hoping that this journal, as long as it takes can be a no BS approach to becoming incontinent. I will also say that I am available through e-mail here, as well on AIM MSN and Yahoo Messenger for those looking for questions that they'd rather not ask here, or just prefer that form of communication. I do ask that you at least say who you are and where you got my SN before you get into things, otherwise I'll be totally lost. Time is on my side as of now, I can't promise anything for the future, but I'll try and make time in my schedule for those seeking advice even if your reading this 5 years or more from now.

As Always, Questions Comments, Concerns, or Ideas on speeding up the process is always welcome.

[BlakeJordan]

As I mentioned above, those that hate [That site] and are looking for another place to get the 12 month diaper training program can get it from me if they like. I decided to host a copy on my site (that I got elsewhere). 12 Month Diaper Training Program Good luck as always.

[Frink]

Hey, thanks for updating! I don't think I'll ever actually do the 24/7 thing (at least not 'till I'm done with college/finding a solid job), but it's neat to read about.

[BlakeJordan]

I've been asked to post how I prevent leaks. Granted I modify my diapers a bit as I have troubles getting a good fit with one hand, as mentioned before (Cerebral Palsy), This however should work for anyone who has troubles with leaks, and can definitely help identify where leaks are coming from. It can also be modified for standing or lying down. I will warn that it takes a bit of time, but those with two hands, should be able to hurry the process up a bit.

I have found most of my leaks have come from the leg openings, not the back. None the less, I've tried to find diapers that can stand at least two readjustments. Here's what I do. First I make sure I tape as evenly as possible. I start on the right upper tape, having my body lying on my left side, I then switch to the left upper tape, lying on my right side. To get the bottom tapes as tight as possible I pull my knees up, which gives it even less tension while taping, but more after. I continue with the left bottom tape, again making sure I am hitting the landing zone, leaning slightly to the right, and then continue to the right tab, leaning slightly to the right, again making sure I hit the landing zone. I then readjust the upper left while on my right side, pulling any extra slack, that may be there. I do the same in reverse for my right side as well again getting the extra slack, and getting a snug fit, for the upper back, and the front. I then undo the bottom right tab, and get any extra slack of diaper I can and pull it snug, with the right wing, it doesn't matter where the right wing end up as long as its as snug as possible. I do the same for the left side, undoing the tab, and getting any extra slack around the legs, and pulling snug with the wing. I proceed to tape each tab with scotch scissor free packaging tape, so the tabs won't pop off. Lastly I fold the wing of each side inward, almost in half until it "pops" into place" I then proceed to grab the extra slack from the leg openings, and pull on the corner of wing. (Right side) which takes the slack away. I then tape the wing into place on the side of the diaper snugly with the scotch tape to keep a snug fit.

As Always, Questions Comments, Concerns, or Ideas on speeding up the process is always welcome.