Telling Your Wife Your An Ab/dl

[Guest ab/dl28]

I need help for yrs ive been trying to tell my wife about my ab/dl but i just cant get it out.

[tenderheart]

If I were married I would feel the same way. I've only told a total of 4 people in my life about my ab/dl side. Not including the net. Each and every time my heart has moved into my throat as I told them as well. That is a bridge I do not enjoy crossing. But at the same time it would be a burden to carry if you couldn't share this part of your life with the person you married. Personally I think it would wear me down eventually and I would end up discussing it over a glass (or bottle ) of wine. Anyway, I feel for ya *hugs*

[teen_nappy]

You need to think to yourself what she would think about it. If you are married then she obviously loves you so there shouldn't be anything that can seperate you "til death do us part" and all that...just be open.

[packrat]

Others have suggested, and I concur, that you might try to include some bondage into your lovemaking (if you don't already), and have an assortment of paraphernalia for her to chose from. Blindfold, mittens, etc. Include a disposable adult diaper, agree to be the submissive and let her choose. You don't need fancy costly things, old neckties work fine for tying; perhaps play handcuffs. Possibly some insertable and vibrating devices, then a diaper, perhaps some of her underwear. Just see where the fun takes you. If the diaper comes up in either discussion or play, you could use it as the springboard. If she puts it on you, you might comment on how wonderful it feels or what a turn on it is. Or, better yet, offer to put one on her. Word of advice, though....keep it dry and mess free.

[Baby Bethany]

I told my wife after we had been together for 12 years. I wanted to tell her before, but like you I just couldn't spit it out. I finally told her because I just couldn't go on living a lie and hiding stuff from her anymore. I really did take the view that I shouldn't have to live a lie, and she has a right to know the man she is married to. But yeah, I was nervous as hell when I finally told her!

My one piece of advice would be start small. I don't know what you like, but don't bombard her with it all at once. Just tell her about wearing the diapers, no pooping or anything. Take it one step at a time. If I had it to do again, I would also tell her sooner that later.......trust me, it doesn't get easier the longer you wait.

Good luck

Beth

[Mommy Michelle]

Here is my story I hope this helps of how to tell someone you love.

My husband (Repaid1) told me after 3 dates. He sat me down and told that before we go any further that he was an AB. At that time, I had no idea what that meant. He told me that it had nothing to do with children which was a relief, since i was a divorced mom with two kids. He told me that he liked wearing the diaper because it made him feel like a kid at the age of two. He also told me that it was a way for him to de-stress and forget the pain he was in daily being a disabled veteran. He said he would understand if I could not deal with it. But before I made any decision for me to go on the internet and find out what an Adult baby was. So i went home and looked it up and found out what an adult baby is. Well, he called me the next day and asked me to come over and we could discuss any questions I had and to find out what I had decided to do. We talked and he explained what he wanted from me was to be his mommy. A mommy that would change him, feed him, give him a bottle, play toys with him, but otherwise take charge of him and let him give up being an adult sometimes. he also wanted a man and women relationship also.

I am proud to say that we have been together 3 years now. I love my baby and my husband .

My best advice is to being honest with your spouse about what an ab means to you and that it doesn't change how much you love your wife. If she has any questions, tell her to come on daily diapers and see that you are not alone and definately not a freak. If she loves you and wants to be with you she will accept you for yourself and as an ab.

Good luck.

[Fulldiaper]

I told my ex, prior to getting married and she knew everything about me and my fetish and for 17 years I lived in a nightmare. Before we were married, we would play mommy and bABy. Right afterwards, she cut me off at the knees and said, "she wasn't going to compete as a woman against my diapers." And she didn't, she used them against me. Told my pastor and friends about it and I nearly comitted suicide, but thank God I didn't. I'm now free of her and it's taken me quite a lot of years to get over the mental abuse, but I still I think I would expose myself again, if I had it all to do over.

No secrets from the one's you love; NOT ONE! including your love for diapers. I have since met other women and within a date or two, I let them know about my fetish and explain that it has nothing to do with children. Most of the women I date are nurses, and nurses aides so they don't think it's that different, since they change diapers all day long at work.

Be honest, be fair and be strong.

Good luck

Fulldiaper Michael

[Repaid1]

WOW! My Mommy/Wife made a post! Anyway..remember this. Just tell her, either just put one on and have her "discover it" or leave one out, either way the discussion will start. Don't fear what you don't know. You may just find out that she won't think it's a big deal as you make it out to be. If there is love there is a way. It's very doubtful that something will be negative about it. If you have a true relationship built on love and trust, you should be forward about it soon. It worked for me and others, why not give it a shot.

[abphil]

My wife knows about my diapers but is against it. I'm able to wear footed pj's to bed does anybody think she will come around to the full diapered thing.

[packrat]

Mommy Michelle: You are a very special person, indeed. Your side of the relationship was very sincere and appreciated.

Repaid1, you are a very lucky guy; And thanks for serving your country, Mr. Hero.

[Repaid1]

The only luck I have is a very caring and understanding wife, which I think most people have. As for Hero...nope just did my job. Firefighters get paid to do their job, accountants get paid to do their job. Lawyers get paid...ahhh we'll skip that one! (No Offense Angela) Anyway when you get paid to do something I don't think that makes you a Hero. Now if I ran into a burning house to save a baby, as I'm not a firefighter, then maybe I would wear that badge, but right now..I'm not a Hero, but thanks for the kind words.

I do like Rifles, Guns, and Bombs though...Seeing stuff blow up is fun..especially when your the one blowing it up..and it isn't yours...and it's "legal" and you get paid to do it!

[Guest Sissy Haji]

Like many others have said in this and many other threads in simler situations.

be yourself, and tell the truth, also I suggest try and consider her feelings in this matter as well, and the impact it'd have on her. Don't throw it all in one, message or it'll overwhlem (think i spelt that right) her.

It might also be a postive to ask her about her fetishes maybe she has somthing simler in mind, and you could combine the two.

I'm not speaking from experiance, but from what message I get, most females tend to be into dommination, because of the cocity we live in today, adult men tend to be shown as the powerful and the wemon not so powerful (no offence to anyone when I say that but its true) therefor when the lady is give the option of being in charge they usally take it. hence why you see so many mistresses and not so many masters in BDSM.

I hope this helps.

[Repaid1]

overwhlem=overwhelm but hey you had all the right letters!

[Guest Sissy Haji]

Thanks repaid

[ksdl]

I am in the same boat. my wife found some of my plastic pants about 12days ago. she asked me about the funny plastic pants she found. I acted like i didnt know what she was talking about. She said she would have to show me. I moved them as I was in a panic and not ready to discuss.

She didnt press it and she didnt take them either. I think deep down she knows. I know I need to tell her and have been reading everything I can on the subject. I am torn between waiting for her to bring it up again, which she probably wont, she can block things out well and me telling her.

Suggestions?

[litlricky]

I was married 8 years befor i wore a diaper to bed and my wife was outraged. although she hates my diaperwearing she loves me and tolorates me . I have a wonderful wife and famly that allknow of my behaiver. i wear my diapers in private and discreetly in publicI have been to counsuling and I talk to no one about them and have never been with a ab/dl I would love to talk to others in person that share this obsesion.now i have been married for 33 years. I feel i have a very good wife and famly and they love me even though they cant figure out my obsession. but neather can i. but i try to keep things in perspeticive. I have a life time of storys about my diapers but that s for later. litlrickyboy@yahoo.com

[snugglekitty]

Well this is just my opinion.... its best to be open and have things on the table sorta speak...it doesnt change who you are any more than do you like chocolate or vanilla ice cream....just different things you like. And thats for the most part how i took it when hubby finally bit the bullet to tell me, my personal opionin is if the love is there it shouldnt be that huge of a deal. Just as my chocohalicness doesnt bother him LOL. And it has gotten him to enjoy shopping with me ...a huge bonus for me HEHEH I loves me baby to pieces so not much would change that fact and him opening up and us sharing all this just brings us much closer. But keep in mind the secret of it did hurt us alot from the secreativeness. Fortunately most of that is all behind us now. And yes it did take him along time to tell me... as we've been married for almost 20yrs and only shared this for about 9 months now

[Newroad]

Snuggle is my mommy/wife. only 3 things I can add. No secrets, no lies, no hiding. It will destroy your relationship as surely as any other kind of cheating or deception. It almost destroyed ours. Now that we have shared, (and she shared a few things too hehehe.). we are much closer and much better for it. Good luck

[diaperedandspanked]

I brought up wearing a diaper to my wife once, it was a few years ago, even got her to diaper me, but as expected, she wasn't at all interested in seeing her big strong hubby wearing a diaper.

We talked about it a bit, she even told me if I wanted to wear one I could but at the time I chickened out and said no, bad move on my part. I think she might know I still wear at times, when she's not around but she hasn't mentioned it. I even leave them in my dresser drawer (cloth snap-ons)on the hope she might run across them but no luck yet. I may just have to leave one out one day in plain sight. I've had tons of kidney stones and several lithotripsies, maybe could tell her all the procedures have caused some leakage problems. Knowing her, she probably wouldn't get upset but it's still difficult to admit to someone you like wearing a diaper, and it's not a subject that can easily be brought up as dinner conversation. Blew my chance again a few weeks ago, she was watching a tv show about spouses secrets, she asked me if I had any from her.........dumb me....no honey, of course not. She knows about my spanking fetish...this she WILL do, could probably get her to spank me everyday, but the diapers did not spark an interest. Oh well, someday it will come out, hopefully sooner than later.

[Bettypooh]

I need help for yrs ive been trying to tell my wife about my ab/dl but i just cant get it out.

In the discovery stage of my Transgenderness I met a lot of crossdressers and heard their stories of coming out to the wife. I know it's a bit different than DL but neither hurts anyone and both are really just clothing issues on the surface, though the deeper meanings may differ. Most wife-worries are that 1) People are going to find out and she's going to have to deal with that. 2) It's going to get out of hand and end up as #1. 3) You're going to want her to do things she doesn't want to do. 4) It will lead to your infidelity. 5) She's intolerant and going to think you're a sicko for being different.

You know her better than anyone here so I think you will know if #5 applies. If it does, forget coming out to her, it will backfire sooner or later. For the rest, you need to assure her that you will keep it within her limits, not yours. And take it s-l-o-w! Unless she's really hip to it, give yourself at least a year to go as far as you want to, and always watching and listening to her feelings, respecting her own wants and needs completely along the way. Remember that you are sharing a life as one and she's an equal half of that! Lose sight of that and you'll lose her.

The "when to tell" is very important. Best is a time when you're both happy, comfy, and alone with plenty of time to talk about ituninterrupted. If you can arrange for something else to open the subject(like a small reference in a movie)that's best since you can explore it without admitting it. Just say something like "that might be fun" or "he doesn't look too bad like that", then take your cues from there. Once you see that she's willing to discuss it, don't just blurt it out, but calmly tell her that you've done that before. She's either going to want to know more or she'll cut you off. Again, follow the clues. Hopefully it goes on! If she's really open ans wanting to know, then tell her everything. Make her understand that you have tried to stop and that you can't, and that you want to share this with her if she's OK with it. Make her understand that you will never do anything without her knowing about it and that she will decide how far it goes. With any luck you've made it through by then.

The "how to tell" is important too. Only a few get away with 'dropping the bomb' by being found fully engaged in the habit. Shocking someone is almost always going to cause them to feel hurt first and foremost. Well thought out words have the least shock factor so talk it over and be totally honest. If you have a picture of yourself dressed up it might help, but don't use a pic on the computer or she'll think you've shared it with others first, maybe the whole world if the pic is online. She needs to know that you've put her first and foremost in the beginning(though the truth is different, this is one time that lying is probably best! If it goes well you can reveal and explain the reason for lying later on. If it goes bad, you haven't given her anything to use against you. You must give her all the time she needs to think about it. Pushing it on her will bring pushing back and rejection so go slowly. Coming out is a process of sharing, and you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. You may be under great pressure but don't add to her burden by overloading her with every detail at the start. Stay in her comfort zone, not yours! There will hopefully be plenty of time to reveal all the details you want to share with her.

Beware the future. Many wives will explore awhile, then want you to stop. You know that you can't, so then you must choose between lying and doing it anyway hoping she doesn't find out, or losing her. Sometimes they'll still be OK with it but not in "her house" anymore. Unless you have a very trusting and close relationship your issue will be held against you in arguments and breakups. In the end you might have to choose between her and this once she knows. Then again it can be the best thing you've ever done if it works out for you both. As long as she understands that you aren't going to go beyond her limits, you'll usually find a comprimise that works or both of you.

Coming out is the hardest thing you'l ever do because it's a lie you've been hiding fot so long. It's only really necessary with those who you should be totally honest with, or those who you know are going to be directly affected by it. It is beyond your control once you tell, so be careful with who knows unless you're ready to be more out than you intended. Many who you thought couldn't handle it will be OK and many who you thought would be OK with it won't. You never know until it's a done deed and too late to do anything about it.

In the end, you are the only one who can make a good decision about coming out. How it goes will largely depend on how well you've chosen your mate and your friends, how those relationships were built, and how strong they are. How it goes after initial acceptance will depend on you're not pushing the issue. All of life is a risk with choices to be made that will decide your future happiness, and you can never know everything that those choices will bring. I hope my long reply helps you make a good decision and I hope it's the right one for you.

Bettypooh

[babymatthew3]

Take all advise, tell her. I kept it from my wife up until 2 months ago. For me, like a previous poster, the bottle of wine helped me talk. At first I will say, she was put off, and I thought, what did I do? That lasted like a week. She always said 'Don't ask me to wear one' 'don't ask me to change a dirty diaper' I never got the incest or pedophile accusations like some do, thank god. She knows better. BUT, I just kept it to myself. WELL, on our last trip to Hollywood, I took my Bambinos (thank you Bambino company, your awesome) I was in the bathroom putting one on myself, she obviously heard the crinkly noises. And I heard those beautiful words.. 'would you like some help with that' ummmm yeeeahhh!! She diapered me a couple more times that weekend, and yes changed my wet diaper. No messies, I have promised her. But, now, its great. I can wear whenever I want. I can buy baby things, and have them sent to my house. She even went to the store a few weeks ago and bought me three packs of diapers. Last weekend we got into a little diaper bondage, she put a diaper on me, fed me, held my bottle (of beer), hehe, poured ice cream on me while she was feeding me, and damn. I wish I woulda said something to her sooner. I will say, the support I have gotten from this page has helped. She too googled Paraphilic Infantalism for that is the term I used to describe it. She found the Wiki site, which I think explains it pretty well. So, for me, I am a happy baby. At first she was a little put off as I said, but she is fine with it now. Oh yeeh, she put one on for me too. I asked her what she thought of it, she said 'Well, it IS very soft' thanks again Bambinos, you rock.

[diaperpt]

well, there have been a lot of different responses here...and I think a lot of very good advice - as long as you take in only in consideration of your own personal situation. It seems like your question is 'how' to tell rather than simply 'whether.'

Openness and honesty is the cornerstone of a good relationship. On the other hand, the one who loves you (speaking generically here) may have developed that love on an impression of you that will be absolutely shattered on hearing the word 'diapers'. You have to be the judge of how this might go over in your own case. At any rate, you seem set to do this, so then go for it. I would agree however with a soft, slow start to gauge how well you've made the judgment of her reaction.

If you go 'damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead' you do run the risk of destroying the relationship. Go slow, see how it goes and if it is ok, then go a little further...

Remember though, what is absolutely right for one person may not be for you. As much as I understand well all that has been said in this thread - and agree with most of it - I won't be telling my wife anytime soon. And so, I won't advise you to do anything other than be cautious and careful about how you do what you seem to see as a good thing to do. I do wish you the best!

Let us know how it goes, too!

[Inky_Wonky]

What everyone else has said, I totally agree.

Be Honest - better to be honest now, than for her to find out on her own and then begin to wonder what else you are keeping from her.

Once you said anything, take it slow, don't force her to do anything, give her the option.

Yes, this is not for everyone. If she decides that it's not for her then you'll need to come to terms as to how you want to continue wearing. Let her give you a bottom line that is acceptable to both of you. Keep your options open if she is not accepting of you with the diapers.

[ksdl]

I was in your same boat except my wife found my plastic pants. I sat her down and told her. I didnt go into all the details just let her know that I wear

and what the plastic pants were for. I let her know that it was me and not her and that it was extremely difficult for me to tell her. She didnt want a divorce, and hasnt said much. She is more upset at not knowing than that I like to wear diapers.

its been 2 weeks, will keep you advised, wish I had told her sooner though.

[Guest LOSTinDiapers]

When my wife and I were dating, we decided that we would have no secrets in our relationship. It was then that I told her about my love for diapers. She was very accepting of it and has even diapered me a couple of times. She loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is.