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Singles  

307 members have voted

  1. 1. In the search for that partner, is it more important to...

    • Search upfront for somebody who's also into the ABDL scene, and then hope for compatability with your all your non-ABDL interests
      105
    • Search for somebody who fits with all your non-ABDL interests, and hope for acceptance for your ABDL side?
      202


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My take on this is different from #1 or #2. First, be honest with the person you are dating as soon as it starts to get serious. He or she might not be into diapers, but might be very willing to accept you, and the major difference-maker is how you approach the whole thing. If you preface it to be something gross, repulsive, or untenable, then your SO is likely going to react that way. If you preface it as simply a part of who you are, your SO will be more likely to accept it.

In my personal experience, I tried dating diaper women and it just didn't work out. At the end of the date, I seemed to have nothing good to hold onto except that the woman wore diapers. Then I met my wife totally by accident. My wife isn't into diapers, but she tolerates my wearing and will sometimes help put on a clean diaper (but I have to take off the wet one.) I make sure she can offer feedback, because I don't want to simply impose myself on her. All this comes out of the way that we deal with it: together.

Maybe there isn't a right or wrong answer here. Just be sure that you and your SO are happy all around.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 5 weeks later...

I went with Option 2, mostly because I feel that the ABDL side should not be a major factor in that special someone in my life, whoever they turn out to be. I'd rather have someone who I bond with a much deeper level than someone who simply shared my interest in diapers.

Also, I find that people who don't know or understand this aspect of our lives can be willing to accept it based on how you choose to explain it to them and the relationship you have with them. While I might find it easy to talk with someone like, say, my aunt (with whom I have a lot in common and talk frequently about any number of subjects close to my heart) than someone I don't have that kind of bond, trust, or intimacy with (like someone I've only been dating for a few weeks).

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'll take option 2, strictly because if you go to the match maker sites and list your ab/dl side, you may just find that perfect mate that is self concious(spl) of there own fetish and is hesitant to show it, until they meet you and find out what it is really like to be open and up front with our life style.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm gonna "bump" this topic... because I just thought of something else ...

Ultimately my pick would be #2 ... for the reason I stated before: no healthy long-lasting relationship can live on ABDL-play alone. There HAVE to be other things the two of you have in common ... otherwise, it's just going to be a few days/weeks/months, and then you'll run out of gas.

But hey ... what does that say about my membership here at DD, and at Diapermates? Clearly it would seem I'm positioning myself to seek out that special ABDL lady by going Option #1.

Conflict?

Not at all. We all come to DD, Diapermates and other ABDL-sites with our deepest secret already out of the way; the challenge is the RL "everything else". So if I met somebody who I clicked with, and after MUCH time getting to know them ... sure, I'd go for it. Why not? There's a few people here that have fine RL relationships with people they met online in ABDL sites ... it CAN happen.

(But I stress the "MUCH time getting to know them" part. I'm not talking about living my life with somebody I just met last week-- or even a few months.)

So, here's my point: After lots of time getting to know each other, we meet ... we hit it off ... and develop a RL relationship. And it goes fine for a while... lots of diaper-play in private, as well as shared RL plans as well. But then, for whatever reason, it starts going south. Despite our best efforts, it's just not working. And we split up.

Seems like I should have stuck to my original Option #2 plan, huh? Go for a partner who absolutely meshes with my RL non-ABDL interests first?

Well, not nessessarily! Guess what-- I made an honest go at Option #1, and it didn't work. But, hey... Option #2 may not have worked out, either. Both failed because of RL differences. But by going Option #1, we've had our private diaper-play fantasy-itch brought to reality. If only for a short time, true-- but that's a LOT more than we would probably have attained with Option #2.

Does that sound selfish? Yeah, maybe it is. But I'm thinking that ABDL-play (whether AB/parent role-play, or just DL) is a strong, personal lifetime need that will play a role in ANY relationship one enters into ... whether through active participation, or through the frustration of suppressing it.

Option #2, the odds are likely the path for frustration-- regardless of how well everything else meshes. So... why not make a few honest efforts through Option #1, first? Not token "let's get this out of the way" hookups, but honest "yay he/she's into ABDL too-- let's try to build RL time together".

If it works... all the better!

If it doesn't... well, you honestly tried for the Real ... but having failed that, you still got a nice little memory out of the deal. You got to be a Mommy/Daddy/babied/diapered/whatever. You've lived the Dream. Now the pressure's not as big for the next time (or the time after that).

Building an relationship through Option #1 is difficult, and frankly unlikely to succeed without spending time to make RL conections. But I think the experience of having a failed Option #1 relationship, and having "scratched that personal itch", may help bring balance to an eventual Option #2 quest...

Just my .02 ...

wv.

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Thanks for the bump, because I missed this topic the first time around.

I go with option #2, with a slight modification. It's not necessary to find a partner who's into infantilism him- or herself, but it is necessary to find one who's sexually open-minded, playful, and supportive of your interest. "Good, giving, and game," in Dan Savage's words. (And you have to be the same for them.) Sexual compatibility is incredibly important--but compatibility doesn't require being hot for exactly the same things.

If I were dating again (shudder), I wouldn't just "hope for acceptance" of my ABDL interests--I'd require it; it's a dealbreaker. If it turned out the woman I was seeing found alternate forms of sexuality disgusting, there'd be no point in continuing; that relationship is doomed from the start. But being into infantilism herself? Not required.

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My option isn't available. I mainly search the whole non-AB stuff... but even supportive... i dont think i could last in a relationship unless the other person was involved in the lifestyle... not to say she has to be my Mommy or a baby playmate... just involvement somehow.

-Sophie

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I would pick the second one since this it's not really a lifestyle for me, just a bedroom thing. A relationship/companionship to me is a lot more important than fetishes or kinks. I would rather have that since fetishes aren't as lasting as companionship. :)
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  • 2 months later...

I've tried the find someone and then spring AB on them. It failed more times that it worked. My first wife diapered me once and let me diaper her. Also, she breast fed me while in diapers. But, she wanted no part in changing me or diapering me again. She's gone because she kept sleeping with people and wanted me to.

This time I'll find a AB to be with or give up on ever being in a relationship. The best fit would be a part-time Mommy rest of the time baby.

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