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kitsy101

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  1. I feel like the past few months have shown me that I'm heading towards doom. A bit of context: I have been trying to join the Air Force hoping that I could get into a position whether I would have to worry about if I'll have enough to pay off my student loans and even gain some skills. A bit of more contrxt: I'm 37 years of age and when I was 19 I tried to join the army. I made it about 4 week until I decided I wanted out and they discharged me stating I had 'anxiety. I was young and stupid. Fast-forward to today as I'm filling out my app I contact a recruiter through the website on whether I had to disclose my previous service. They informed me no since I did not complete boot camp. So I leave it out. That was a mistake. I had went through MEPS which is like the physical and I passed that. But than they did an interview with me a few weeks later and brought up my previous try in the army and why I didn't mention that. I told them what the internet recruiter told me. It's not looking good for me. The recruiter hasn't gotten back to me yet so I'm going to assume the worse. I was depending on this and now I am hopelessly screwed because I don't have a degree and I'm aged. I had a shipping date that I was banking on so I quit my job. It was turning pretty hostile when I left. So now I don't have anything and I'm severely depressed. I don't sleep enough I barely eat and I haven't left my apartment in 4 days. I have a few places get ahold of in regards to jobs. But I mean to what end? I thought about just ending myself multiple time because it's a two step forward three steps back situation. My biggest fear is I'm going to end up in something where I can't get out. Like being homeless. If I can't hardly support myself now how will I be able to do it when I'm freezing on the street with no money? I keep reaching out for help. I mean I'm not asking for money just help getting me out of this funk. Nobody responds and just ignores me. It doesn't help my outlook. At all On a bright note. I recently got an offer to become a FT truck driver where they'll pay to train me and drive for them. It sounds very good.
  2. These past few months have been really hard for me. I had my savings wiped out and now I'm working a job, while yea it pays more, I am vastly underqualified for and I feel that if things keep going the way they are I am going to be out of a job. I need help but I don't think anybody can help me. I mean I'm trying to reach out to see if anybody, anything, or anyone can help me but it seems like every time I do I get hit with something even worse. My biggest fear is I'm not going to be able to afford my apartment, car, and I'll end up homeless. With nothing and the thought of that terrifies me every time I think about it I have a car payment that I have to pay because I need a car to get to work. I have rent that I need to pay because I need a roof over my head. My private student loans have come to take their toll. I have to pay them because they'll get their money one way or another. I just want to be financially stable and I'm trying my best but it's like I get a little bit ahead and something comes along and kicks me back down. I just want it all to go away and I don't get how people I've known in the past that have been in worser situations than what I'm going through and somehow they end up on top. I don't see how I can recover from this and I just want this to be done. I'm falling into an endless pit of hopelessness and I do not see myself getting out. I also think I'm bipolar but I can't afford to see someone about it. The free places I don't know where their at and their always open when I'm at work. I just need help and I don't think I can get it from anyone.....
  3. Thank you very much! It's a one day at a time type thing
  4. Were in Endgame now: So, to give a bit of background as to what led me to go into my downward spiral I have to give a bit of background. It started at the beginning of the year. I was working a job at a local casino doing back-of-house maintenance. It was pretty good at the beginning with all of it’s sign on bonuses. New Years day, a black out date meaning if I didn’t show up for work I would get fired. I wake up and see my car has a flat tire. I managed to get to work but that didn’t end my bad luck. Next week later I am driving back home and I see a large chunk of ice in the middle of the road. I couldn’t avoid it and ran over it causing my tire and rim to go flat and me stranded on the highway. I was able to get it fixed but my car was on its last leg. Fast forward two weeks on the highway I hit a patch of black ice and basically wreck my car. It’s no longer drivable. I needed a vehicle ASAP to get to work (about 30 miles one way). I was looking around and I thought I found the perfect vehicle. A nice big SUV and it was great except for the fact that it had a huge glaring issue I found out after driving it for a week. I was duped by a used dealership and took out a huge portion of my savings. I had to take out a car loan in order to get a decent car. Anyways, I quit my job at the casino for something closer, a courier that paid well more than what I was currently making. Now onto the present day. My newly leased car did not come with problems at least once a month. I had to take it in to get it fixed. Granted, they were all issues I expected. But this last one, my starter and rear support bar. It’s the bar that runs underneath the starter that needs to be replaced. They told me that the repairs would be about $1500 and I am stretched thin financially. I just wanted to be able to have enough money to not have to worry about whether I can make next month’s rent. I panic-plan and it sends me sprialing. I've been at my job for two months. They had me do a ‘defensive driving’ test where I drive a box truck and serpentine forward and backwards. I failed the first time and I’m hoping that when I take it again I can pass because I fear that they would let me go. I’ve tried to find organizations to help me but in order to get I need to be past due or have no money. Even than I would probably be in a state of crisis or not even receive the aid enough in time. So I’m struggling to stay afloat. The car dealership managed to lend me out a loaner car and while they said they couldn’t provide anymore help. Which I was overly grateful for I was still in a financial state of being in the red. I’m hoping things start to get better for me because I don’t see anyone helping me out. I can’t get into any mental health facilities to talk to someone. I don’t have the time as I work first shift and by the time I get out all the places are closed and I don’t have the financial means to pay someone at the moment. My emotions are constantly going up and down from being content with my situation to going into a downward spiral where I’m really considering putting an end to it. I need help both physically and mentally. I would appreciate any type of feedback/advice anything really. I will be looking at this thread as people respond to is so I can answer any questions that you might have. I appreciate people taking the time to read this!
  5. Oooh! Another one of my favorites! I command you to write more!!!
  6. This is probably one of my favorite stories. I believe ausdpr that has a pic describing her predicament almost exactly. I look forward to see how far the rabbit hole she goes down. It's also funny how she's already thinking about damage control. I think the only way to kind of recover this is to move to another country or make a profit off of her babyhood. People would want to watch a little such as her in peril. LoL keep it up!
  7. Yea and I'm not getting notifications for just the chat but all parts of the site I get the 'site blocked' by malwarebytes
  8. Sweet zombie jebus! That's what would come up everytime I'd tried to get into chat. It was some conhive.com thing.....Luckily I told AE about it and it was blocked on my end
  9. I'm getting student loans right now so paying for school at the moment. It's pretty much everything else
  10. Yea. I am going to school. I'm two semesters away from graduating. I'm working a job at Target where they barely give me 10 hours. Finding a job is hard as hell. Finding a job where I can work decent hours and go to school is near to impossible. I'm worried that my funds by than are going to be gone and I'll be flat broke with no money and I won't have a decent job to support me. I've honestly am considering getting myself checked into a psych facility. But I make very little money and I can't afford a lot. That whole thought process of me being stuck in this hole of having no money to fund myself
  11. So I just wanted to tell people about what's going on with me. Yesterday I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. My whole situation of life just has me on this downward spiral in to nothingness. I was wishing for a 'It's a Wonderful Life' situation in which I got to see what life would be like without me. I don't want to cause harm to myself or to others but sometimes it gets really hard to go on. It gets hard to do anything. And I feel that I'm that close to the breaking point and I don't know what to do or what I can do. There's this gap in between the time when I see my doc and now. There's this degree of uncertainty and doubt about my future depresses the shit out of me. I don't even know what people can do to help me. But I need some kind of help any kind. I'm practically yelling I NEED HELP AND I'M SEVERELY DEPRESSES and while the words of encouragement are appreciated I just need a helping hand because I'm drowning in my own depression and there's no sign of land.
  12. Yea that's what I've been doing. So kind of an update, I contacted my mom's friend whom works for Employment Group to help me find a job. I want to finish my degree. So I need to find something that I can work on the weekends or with my Target job see if I can work closer to my school. I'm a bit more hesitant about the latter since they've been giving me inconsistent hours. I got like 5 this week. But what I'm hoping is to get something office-y like. But I'll settle working in a factory, on the weekends. Working that for like 24 hours a week would be enough for me. Than going to school. I am hoping that once I get done with school I will have a better job but if not I can continue to just doing the weekend stuff. But it causes my anxiety when I apply for a whole bunch of jobs. Even local jobs and they don't even call me...I live with my grandma and she's the best. I had a headlight go out on my car. And....she's constantly like "Do you need money?" and right now I don't need money as of yet. I'm rationing it out as best as I can. I'm hoping thing will get better. But right now everything sucks. Also, thanks for the comments
  13. So I have been depressed for the past week. It has been a struggle this week. I mean it's not like I want to give up entirely but....I've been trying to find something that will make me not constantly worry about being flat broke in a year. I'm throwing my resume and demo reel at everyplace I can. I think I've done about 20 places in the past week. None of the places have even given me the time of the day and some of those places were ridiculously far away but I met there qualifications. I've had this week off from school. It's mostly been final stuff so I kind of been putting it off. I've looked into ways to make some extra $$$. I have like 5 survey apps on my phone. But it's really not enough and I'm still freaking out. Than there's the worrying about school. I have like two semesters until I'm done and when I'm at school I am not making money. I'm losing it at an alarming rate. So I need to get a job that much more. But it's hard because I can't work on those days.
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