Shy-Diapers

“I’ve told her over and over that what she’s doing isn’t nice.” Charlotte said with a sigh. “She may not be able to know on her own but she’s old enough to listen to her parents when we tell her something isn’t nice.” “We can try an ice breaker if you want.” She said in an exasperated tone. “I don’t think it’ll do them any good. They’ve hardly spent time in the same room together.” “That all makes sense. I know we’re the best thing to happen to Lani in a long time. I don’t know how to get through to Rebecca.” She shook her head. “I’ve done everything I can to make Rebecca feel special and loved.” She added as she rubbed her temples. “Yet she still seems to just want to focus on Lani and she’s still worrying about not being important.” “Rebecca makes every conversation about her Tom. I have not told her not to think or feel anything. I’m listening to her feelings. I’m talking to her about her worries. I’m validating her. I’m simply telling her that talking behind someone’s back about how they’re weird and different is not nice and she needs to treat Lani better than that.” “I think if you spend some extra time with her and maybe try to back me up about Lani to her then it’ll help. She always listens to you more than she does me anyway.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know how Lani will work herself up to me, but at the very least she seems to be content in her room by herself when you need to do something else.”

“Ten is plenty old enough to know to worry about yourself and not what everyone else is doing.” Charlotte said with a sigh. “I’m not sure what I can do honestly. I’m giving her every ounce of attention I can but even that doesn’t stop her from saying that Lani is weird. I’ve tried getting her to be empathetic but she’s not listening.” She shook her head. “Maybe you can get her to understand. She’s also worried that you won’t love her as much if Lani still needs so much help.” She took a deep breath. “I want Lani to feel safe and comfortable. And I know we’re her only chance. But do we really think keeping her is the best idea? I don’t want Becks to feel neglected forever.” “I don’t think Lani is anywhere near ready to play any ice breakers with her. Lani won’t even say more than a few words to anyone but you.” She rubbed her temples in frustration, desperately trying to find a way to balance everybody’s needs.

Charlotte sighed and stood up. “Yeah, I’m just trying to explain to her in a nice way that she needs to mind her own business with Lani. She’s so extremely focused on every little thing she does that’s different. I don’t know how to get her to understand that it’s not nice to keep talking about Lani behind her back like that.” She shook her head. “That seems like a good idea. Anything we do should be small and something we can easily leave if need be. Maybe we’ll stick to things like the park and the store. We can always let her play outside so she’s not so cooped up.” She nodded along. “I don’t disagree. I definitely think something is up. I’m not sure what or who though. I noticed she really seemed to get scared when you grabbed her earlier. I know you were trying to help but if someone is scaring her I can see how scary that would be to a little kid.”

“I’m not tired!” Lani protested in frustration. She was trying her best not to cry again. Everything was happening much too quickly for her liking. She didn’t even get a chance to process wearing her pull-up for the first time ever, because Tom just put it on her without asking or giving her time. “I don’t wanna talk.” She managed to get out. Tom kept trying to get her to have big conversations or give him certain answers and she didn’t have it in her right then. One minute she was eating her ice cream happily and then Tom grabbed her and then everything else just kept happening and she didn’t even have a second to think. She shook her head and shrugged off Tom’s hand on her shoulder. Without another word and without much thought, Lani just ran away and up to her room. She finally had a second where Tom wasn’t holding her so she wanted to get away, though she didn’t even really think about it, it just happened. When she got upstairs, the first thing she did was change back into her underwear. She wasn’t ready to wear the pull-up and didn’t want anything new happening. The pull-up was definitely something new for her and she wasn’t in the mood for that. Once she was back in her underwear, she sat down with her Lite Bright and started examining all the pieces and instructions.

“You know Daddy and I don’t like you going out front without us. You can go in the backyard but because we’re both busy you can’t go out front.” Charlotte explained gently. “Neither of us can watch you in the front right now.” Lani frowned. She didn’t even get a chance to speak up and tell Tom that she wasn’t tired. She wasn’t too happy about Tom putting her into her nighttime underwear without even letting her say anything. This only made her more frustrated and overwhelmed than she already was. “I don’t wanna nap.” She said with a slight whine. The girl wasn’t that tired really, she’d just had a hard day. Sleeping was one of the last things she wanted right now, but she knew better than to fight an adult on something. She sighed and stared down while he carried her. She felt like she wasn’t being listened to. She was used to that at home and school sure, but Tom had gotten her used to being heard. She’d much rather play with her toys or make something with the origami paper she’d gotten. Sure she loved reading, but right now she wanted to do something and reading didn’t feel like doing something.

Lani sighed and continued to nod along. She was starting to feel overwhelmed again. She just decided she’d try her best to do what Tom wanted her to say and do. She kept staring down at her lap and tried to sit still, but couldn’t help but squirm. She just desperately wanted to not be in this situation. It was too much for her right now and couldn’t even process why she’d gotten scared earlier. Charlotte shook her head. “That’s not true. Daddy is trying very hard to make Lani feel comfortable and safe here. She just got here a few days ago. Both of us love you just the same. You will not be forgotten about at all.” She insisted. Her tone was kind and gentle, but also told Rebecca that this wasn’t up for a debate and it was the firm truth. “Don’t worry about Lani. That’s not your job to worry about if she’s different or not. Just because she’s not like you or other kids you know doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her.” She insisted gently. “You only know kids from our neighborhood. That’s not a very large group of people. People from different places or with different families can talk or behave differently.” She sighed. She didn’t want Rebecca continuing to focus on Lani and how she was different. It wouldn’t do anyone any good. “I had friends when I was in college who didn’t eat certain foods, or wouldn’t eat them together. I also knew people who talked differently. Some people are very direct and tell you exactly how they feel. Some people don’t talk about how they feel or think much at all. All of that is okay. Being different is a good thing. It’s not something to focus on. It just makes people people.” ”It’s not nice to speculate on if she has friends or not. Nor is it okay to talk about if she’s poor. That’s none of your business right now. You just met her and these aren’t things to talk about if you want to be nice. I know you wouldn’t like someone wondering if you have as many friends as them or if your family as less money.” ”Focus on yourself. It’s not your job to focus so much on Lani. I know your teachers at school talk about this too. Focus on yourself and not other people. That’s not a kid’s job to focus on everything another kid needs or makes them different. It’s mine and Daddy’s job to take care of her. She’s been here only a few days.” She sighed and shook her head. ”If you had to go live with a brand new family I know it would take you more than a few days to feel okay again.” She pointed out gently. ”Now, you need to focus on yourself. No more talking about you thinking something is wrong with Lani. And no more talking about things that don’t affect you. Your job is to worry about yourself and just be nice and patient with her. That’s what sisters do.” She gave Rebecca and hug and smiled gently. She hoped this conversation would get through to Rebecca and get to ease up on how much she was obsessing over Lani. “Besides, you can’t know everything about someone from just a few words from her. I know she’s hardly spoken to her.”

Lani stared down at her lap and squirmed uncomfortably. She didn’t know what to say or do in response to Tom. She didn’t think she could tell him that she was scared. She also didn’t really know why she was scared in the first place. It happened so quickly in her mind that she wasn’t able to fully process what happened or why. Charlotte shook her head. “First of all, one of us will be there for you no matter what. Lani only needs one grown up around at a time.” She stood up and got down on Rebecca’s level. “Sweetheart you do matter.” She insisted gently. “What makes you think you don’t?” She asked, hoping for some reason she could fix. “We’ve been making sure you get individual attention a lot. You got a big bracelet kit and the robot set at the store. You got to spend all the time at the fair doing things, even the bumper cars with Daddy. You got to make the jewelry. And then you and I went out for ice cream individually and you got two ice cream flavors where everyone else got one.” She reminded her daughter gently. It wasn’t to make her feel bad, but to remind her of everything positive. “And we still made sure to get you to practice the other day when Lani got here.”

“It’s okay.” Lani responded reflexively. She didn’t even think before she said it. She just knew it was the thing to say when someone apologized. Though she wasn’t used to adults apologizing to her very often. “It was good.” She nodded with a slight sniffle. She was starting to calm down now that she realizes Tom wasn’t going to yell at her or do anything else. “I don’t get ice cream very often.” She added as an afterthought, thinking to her time at home. Charlotte smiled when she heard Rebecca in the doorway. “I hope so too honey.” She said warmly. “I promise that we will do our best to be there for you.” She said honestly. She was adamant about keeping every promise she ever made. That was why she only promised they’d try. She didn’t want to get her daughter’s hopes up just to be let down. “I’m sure Lani will feel a little more settled by then.” She said with a smile. She wasn’t thinking about Lani’s birthday in the moment either.

Lani nodded her head while looking down. She didn’t really consciously realize she was eating so fast all the time, so she wasn’t sure exactly to fix it. But nonetheless she wanted to be good for Tom and not get in trouble or make him mad. She stiffened up again when he put her in his lap. She wanted to relax and let him hold her, but she was scared after he grabbed her arm earlier. She shook her head when he started asking her more questions. “Nobody takes food from me.” She squeaked quietly.

Lani sniffled and quickly shook her head when Tom asked about her food. She was trying her hardest to keep the tears from falling. She sat fidgeting in place as Tom continued to talk. She had her head hung but was keeping a careful eye on him. As soon as he released her, she grabbed her dragon and brought her knees to her chest. “I’m sorry.” She squeaked out timidly, her voice cracking a bit as she continued to fight the tears. “I’ll be good! I’ll eat slower, I promise! I didn’t mean to.” In reality, the little girl didn’t fully realize that she was eating so fast. Consciously she worried about getting enough to eat, but she didn’t really realize that she always scarfed her food down. She wasn’t used to basically unlimited access. Really it was a subconscious reaction to growing up with food insecurity.

“Why don’t you go play or watch TV.” Charlotte suggested gently to Rebecca once her ice cream was finished. She stood up and gathered the trash to throw away before heading to her office. She figured she’d give Tom and Lani some space. Lani nodded silently and stayed in Tom’s lap. She was still fighting back tears as she stared down at her lap. She swallowed hard and started fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. She was desperately trying both to stay still and not to cry. She looked up and watched as Charlotte left the room. She felt her heart pounding in her chest and her mind was racing. Tom said she wasn’t in trouble but she had a hard time believing that right now after he grabbed her.

“Focus on your ice cream Becks.” Charlotte said quietly and gently. She recognized a noticeable pattern that it seemed to upset Lani whenever Rebecca tried to comment on her odd behaviors or tell her what to do. She was trying really hard to get Rebecca to be a little less involved in Lani’s business. Lani flinched and immediately froze when Tom grabbed her arm. Her whole demeanor instantly changed as he spoke to her. She bit her lip and did her best to hold back tears. She managed to continue eating the rest of her ice cream at a normal pace, though to her it felt like an agonizingly slow rate. She successfully finished it without shedding any tears. When she finished her ice cream she carefully set down her spoon and stared at her lap. She was stiff and silent. She didn’t think anyone would take her ice cream away from her, she just didn’t really know the next time she’d get fed. She was fidgeting and squinting more than before, but she was still quiet.

Lani was really engaged in the story as Tom read it to her. She was giggling and smiling and watching him very intently. She couldn’t remember ever having anything like this before. She looked up between Tom and Charlotte as they spoke. She didn’t quite know at first why she was going upstairs, but once he explained to set her water down she understood. She was a bit disappointed to have to stop drinking it, but she listened without hesitation. She set the half empty bottle down on her nightstand and then headed back downstairs with him. “We weren’t sure what you’d want Lani, so Becks picked out strawberry for you.” Charlotte said as she handed Tom and Lani their ice creams. Once everyone had some, she sat down with her own and started eating. She’d gotten red velvet. ”Thank you.” Lani said without thinking as the ice cream was put in front of her. She didn’t hesitate to scarf it down, never knowing when she’d get to eat next, and especially never knowing when she’d get to eat something special like ice cream!

Lani nodded. She sat down up close next to Tom and let him start reading to her until Charlotte and Rebecca came back. “Nobody ever read to me before.” She said absentmindedly. Charlotte looked around the kitchen and dining room for the others until she found them in the living room. She smiled seeing Tom reading to Lani. “We’re back with ice cream.” She said happily. “We have it all here in the kitchen.”

Lani smiled and nodded. She was very happy to have her very own water bottle. She let out a small giggle when he scooped her up to head downstairs. She squealed in excitement when she saw Tom filling it up with water. She started flapping her hands in the air as she watched on. Charlotte sighed. “Don’t worry about that Becks.” She said gently. “I don’t have all the answers either honey.” She explained calmly. She felt like Rebecca was obsessing a bit much about Lani being so different. “You just focus on you. That’s all you can do is focus on yourself. Daddy and I are here to take care of Lani.” Once her daughter had finished her ice cream, they went back to the counter and ordered everyone else’s ice cream. “You carry these two.” She instructed as they headed to the car. She set the two in her hands in the cup holders in the front seat and had Rebecca put the rest in the holders in the back seat. Once they got home, Charlotte carried two of the ice creams and headed inside. She looked around to see where Tom and Lani were. She was happy that Tom’s car was already home.

Leilani nodded along with everything Tom was saying. It all made perfect sense to her. She had no desire to tell Rebecca she wet the bed at all. Back in her room, she watched Tom put the box of pull-ups in her closet. She was excited to get a good nights sleep for the first time in forever where she didn’t wake up to soaked sheets and pajamas. She set her new water bottle on her nightstand next to her bed. She wanted to ask Tom if she could have some water, but he told her not to let Rebecca know she got the bottle. She hugged his leg all of a sudden, clinging on tightly. But she didn’t seem scared or upset. She was just happy. “No thank you sweetheart. I want you to enjoy it.” Charlotte said with a smile. She already knew she liked the flavor which was why she suggested it. She was doing her best to shower her daughter with extra attention and focus the past few days. Of course the transition was extremely hard on everyone, but she still wondered if Becks even cared how much Charlotte was compensating for Tom’s focus on Lani. “That’s very kind of you. But I think you’re already being very nice.” She said gently. “She’s still new to our family.” She listened intently when Rebecca talked about how Lani was different. “Lani comes from a different background than you do.” She explained. “You know how you learn about different cultures and holidays at school?” She asked for a moment. “It’s kind of like that. She’s used to her own house, her own mom, her own rules, and her own neighborhood. She might even celebrate or do different things than we do. It’s okay to be different, that doesn’t make it bad.”

Charlotte nodded. She watches Rebecca run off and made sure she went into the bathroom. She preferred to wait at least outside the bathroom when Rebecca used a public restroom in a busy place. But she didn’t want to scold her since she was trying to listen to her body. When she came back out, the line had moved enough so Charlotte ordered her the blackberry ice cream. “Take a little bite and see if you like it. If you do, we can go sit and eat it.” She looked down at her phone while Rebecca tried the flavor. -Becks was being indecisive so we’re just now ordering. I’ll make sure to stall.- Lani nodded quickly. “It’s one of my favorite shows!” She nodded quickly. “I used to read some books too, but they’re too short and easy.” The way she was talking showed that she was definitely more relaxed and warming up to Tom and the way they ran their house. She nodded and seemed happy with the idea of the water bottle, not realizing Tom was looking at her strangely. Her eyes lit up and got wide when he said she could have it. She was thrilled! “I’ll keep it a secret!” She agreed happily. “I’m really good at secrets!” She chirped, hugging her dragon and the water bottle to her chest before she gave it up to let Tom pay. “Thank you so much!” She squealed when he started buckling her in the car.

“You can get one of each yes. Just eat one here before we go home with the other one. I don’t want Lani feeling jealous that you got two and she only got one.” Charlotte explained gently. “Why don’t you start with the blackberry and eat that here. Then if you don’t like it, I’ll finish it. Either way we can order everyone else’s before we actually drive home.” She suggested to Rebecca. She wanted her to feel like she was contributing and getting what she wanted, but really wanted to avoid another fight between the girls if she could. “That’s Bluey!” Leilani chirped happily upon seeing the blue dog absorbent underwear. She was very excited that she’d get to have the same character from her regular underwear on her bedtime underwear too! Once they’d gotten the pull-ups she looked around and found the display she’d seen when they first walked in. It had a few little random things on it but she was drawn to a Bluey reusable water bottle. She excitedly looked around for the price, but noticed it was almost ten dollars. She wasn’t super good at math like she was reading, but she certainly knew ten was bigger than three. Tom said it had to be three dollars or under. She returned to his side and shook her head. “It’s okay.” She said with a little shrug. She really wanted the water bottle, but knew better than to ask for anything. He was being nice enough to give her the chance to get something, so she couldn’t just pick something more expensive out.

“I don’t know if she’d like that honey.” Charlotte cautioned. “I know you want to be nice. But she didn’t like you touching her earlier and didn’t want to share. So I don’t think she’d want to try something someone else also tried. Just pick one for her and you can get whatever you want. If she doesn’t like it, we still have her ice cream Daddy got the other day.” She explained gently. Lani nodded. She didn’t really get why you’d get a little present for no reason. Those things were usually reserved for when you were extra good or did something the grown up wanted. Everything else made sense to her though so she didn’t argue at all. At the store, she stayed close to Tom’s side while they looked at the different pull-ups the pharmacy had to offer. She was definitely too big for potty training pants, but would for sure fit into the size small in something like goodnites. She’d never seen pull-ups before that she could remember, so she looked up at Tom as he figured everything out. She had an idea of what she wanted to pick out for a treat, but would have to take a closer look at the price since she only saw it out of the corner of her eye when they walked in.

Charlotte shook her head. “It’s fine Becks. I’m not worried about money. I think we can get her a normal cup though. Why don’t you pick between vanilla, strawberry, and blackberry. I think those are pretty safe flavors.” She suggested gently. She didn’t know why her daughter was suddenly so concerned about money. Lani nodded and headed down the stairs with Tom, her dragon in tow. She let him help her get her shoes on and get her buckled into her car seat. “What do you mean pick something out?” She asked curiously. She didn’t know what he meant really. She never got to get anything from the store when she’d go with her mom. She wasn’t used to getting anything ever really.

Lani looked up a little startled when she heard Tom knock on her door. She was used to that meaning she was in trouble. She relaxed when he was calm and kind though, looking up at him curiously. She blushed when Tom mentioned her accidents, looking down at the floor, the area around her covered in different origami animals. Her brown cheeks were tinted red as she listened intently, squirming in place in embarrassment. She nodded along to everything he said, it all made sense to her. Tom had already mentioned getting her special underwear to wear at night. It seemed like a good option, even if it was embarrassing to talk about her bedwetting. She had no real knowledge of what pull-ups were or that they were a type of diaper, so she didn’t think it was babyish or anything. “They’re gonna keep my bed dry too right?” She asked hopefully, remembering what he’d told her before. She nodded in agreement and stood up to leave. She made sure she grabbed her dragon to bring along and also handed Tom the now empty water bottle. “Thank you.” She said sweetly as she handed it over, trying to thank him for letting her drink earlier. “Alright then.” Charlotte said with a smile. “We’ll go to the little ice cream place we like.” She said cheerfully. She drove about 10 minutes away to the local little ice cream place. It was fairly busy that day since it was quite hot outside. When they got out, she looked down at Rebecca. “What do you think we should get for Lani?”

Charlotte laughed a bit when Rebecca stopped by her office. She closed Lani’s file and got up. “Go get your shoes back on and I’ll come out in a minute. I’m gonna talk to Daddy real quick.” She said with a smile. She came out of her office and once she made sure Rebecca was out of ear shot, she found Tom on the couch. “I’m gonna take my car to go get ice cream with Becks. I think this is a good opportunity for you to go to the store to get Lani’s pull-ups for bed tonight.” She suggested. Once she had finished talking, she grabbed her keys and put her shoes back on and headed to the car with her daughter. “Do you want to go to the grocery store and get some big things of ice cream, or go to the little ice cream place and get some fresh?” She asked in the car with a smile.

“I think she’s tired from how big today was for her. She’s never been before so it probably overwhelmed her.” Charlotte reassured Rebecca. She headed to her office to do a bit of work and research into Lani’s file to see what else she could find out about the girl. Lani shrugged. She took out her origami book and started carefully trying to follow all of the instructions in it. She wanted to do something other than color and it seemed like the perfect familiar activity for her. She sat with her back in the corner of her room with her water nearby. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody right now. She was just happy to be in a calm and quiet environment. Plus her room wasn’t too bright either.

Lani stayed silent for the rest of the drive home. She was perfectly content to just zone out and not talk to anybody. When Tom got her out of the car, she looked up at him. “Can I play in my room?” She asked hopefully. She was still feeling a little overwhelmed and just wanted to feel calm again. She fidgeted a bit before asking a harder question too. “And can I have some water please?” She asked softly. She felt hot and had already finished the water bottle Charlotte gave her before they even arrived at the fair. Charlotte unlocked the front door and headed in with Rebecca. “Once everyone has cooled off you and I are gonna go pick out some ice cream. It’s a bit much for Lani but we’ll all eat it here together.” She explained with a smile.

Lani sighed and shook her head. She was trying to do what Rebecca wanted and share, but now she was saying it wasn’t about that. She didn’t know what this girl wanted. She decided to stay focused on her coloring book. She didn’t understand the game Rebecca was talking about and she was still coming down from how overwhelmed she was earlier. She was trying to be nice and talk with the older girl, but she was starting get overwhelmed again. “I told Becks we’d see about getting ice cream.” Charlotte responded. “How about we just go home for a while and then when everyone is calmer, her and I go bring some back. While we’re gone you two can go to the store to get what needs for bed.” She suggested after a bit of thinking. “The pharmacy will probably be pretty quiet as compared to the ice cream place.”